Golf and Grief

According to the National Eye Institute, only 5–10% of Americans are farsighted. I'm one of them.

For years, I assumed that would give me an advantage on the golf course. Surely I'd be the one who could keep an eye on that tiny 1.68-inch white ball, trace its flight, and help my group find the shots that wandered into the rough. Instead, I was the one asking, "Where did it go?"

Time and again, I lost track of the ball. Sometimes I never saw it at all. My depth perception was off, and I wasn't nearly the spotter I thought I'd be.

My golf girlfriends took me out and gave me the grace to be a lot of things...!

At my annual eye exam, I finally got an explanation. My ophthalmologist told me that the prescription I wear every day intentionally compromises my distance vision in order to improve my vision up close. If I wanted sharper distance vision for golf, I could wear a different prescription or contacts on the course. I decided I would stay with what I have (to be honest, I'm not that a serious of a golfer / good enough to do that).

I did however, find solace is coming to realize that what I was really seeking wasn't a new prescription—it was an explanation. And I got one: My vision, though compromised, is corrected.

Lately, I've realized that's how grief works, too. Death, loss, and sorrow have compromised my vision. They have changed the way I see the world, the future, and even myself. But, I see. In fact, I have resources to correct my vision. Even strengthen it. I'm lucky. And through this experience, I understand that golf has become an unexpected teacher. The purpose of this post is to provide three examples. I hope one or two will resonate with you.

Women Show Up
In the eulogy I gave for my mom, I mentioned the fourth station of the Cross: Jesus meets His Mother. In the time since my mom's death, the significance of the Ninth Station of the Cross has been revealed to me: Jesus meets the Women of Jerusalem. 

It is written that Christ encountered a large crowd of women who mourned and lamented Him. They wanted Him to know this burden was not His to carry alone. 

I joined the Olympic Club in 2013 and signed up for the Women's Golf Network. In 13 years time, I have played and competed against these ladies at home and on travel trips. It is a multigenerational group. We are single and married, with or without children. There are women who are new to golf and others who have played for most of their life. What brings us together is golf. 

These women get it, and that is evidenced by the number of cards, emails and messages I have received from them. They understand the special relationship between mothers and daughters. They know what it's like to lose a parent, and what my mom meant to me. Even though my mom didn't play golf, though she isn't someone they met, they mourn for me.

Grateful for ALL of the cards I received. These are just the ones from my golf girls...

There is no official grief committee among us, and yet I cannot describe how moved I have been by their words of sympathy and condolence, wisdom and kindness. This outreach is remarkable and it's important. I show up at my golf club to have fun and recreate. To be able to go there and know that people know a little bit about the heavy heart I carry makes it easier to be present and in the moment.

Truly, SO many of my colleagues and friends have done the same, but this golf group of women has taken me by surprise; I am grateful.

Look up and Out
The nature of playing golf means there's time to talk. I think it might be easier to open up and talk because both parties are often looking toward the pin and not at each other. Golf leaves its own room for conversation. Somehow that stance makes sharing a little easier. 

I asked a dear friend how he was doing after losing his dad. Some time had passed. He told me he had felt numb for the first few months. Those words stayed with me.

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right way to mourn. But he had given language to something I couldn't yet name. Since my mom died, I haven't had the same edge, the same zip, the same instinct to chase after things. Grief comes in waves. Right now, I'm still in the ocean.

When Jimmy came to my mom's funeral, I told him I finally understood what he had shared with me on the course. "I trust it gets better," I said.

He smiled and replied, "We'll talk."

We're due for another round.

Peripheral Vision
So much about golf is counterintuitive. Less is more. Slow is fast. Trying harder often makes you worse. And while golf demands that you keep your eye on the ball, good golfers rely on their peripheral vision as well. They see more than the shot in front of them. They notice the wind, the contours of the fairway, the hazards, the opening to the green. They hold the whole course in view.

Thinking back over the last seven months, I realized I saw my mom's decline the same way.

Walking down the hallway, I caught a glimpse of her caregiver helping her from the corner of my eye. In that instant, I saw how frail she had become.

Later, leaving the skilled nursing facility, I looked through the rehabilitation room and saw her working with a physical therapist. She was trying so hard to keep up. There were moments when I wondered whether she wanted to get better. That glimpse answered my question. She was fighting with everything she had.

It is brutal to watch someone you love die.

Maybe that's why we never really see it with near sight.We absorb it in glimpses. Out of the corner of our eye. A moment here. A moment there. Slowly, almost mercifully, our hearts begin to accept what our minds cannot bear all at once.

In Conclusion
Golf is a great game because it teaches you about yourself.  It teaches me to look up and out, to accept what is in front of me, to trust companions who walk beside me, and to notice what appears at the edge of my vision. Grief has undoubtedly compromised my sight, but it has not taken away my ability to see. Through faith, friendship, and the quiet lessons of the fairway, my vision continues to be corrected. Maybe that's what healing is—not returning to the way we once saw the world, but learning to see it anew.

But we do not grieve as people without hope, for Christ the Lord has risen to die no more. He has taken us into the mystery and the grace of this life that springs up from death. 
—Constitutions of the Congregation of Holy Cross, Constitution 8.118

Tom Coyne and A Course Called Home: Living the Story

Rev. Greg Boyle, S.J. has said, “Good stories come to those who can tell them.” As a priest and a prophet, an author and an advocate, it’s hard to disagree with this renowned Jesuit. But there may be more to his insight. A recent feature on CBS Sunday Morning about the bestselling author Tom Coyne confirmed that suspicion.

Preachers and teachers, writers and speakers aren’t the only ones who receive the good stories. More often, they belong to those willing to undertake the adventure—to seize the day and actually live the story. Coyne’s latest book, A Course Called Home, makes that point beautifully.

When asked, “What’s new?” many people my age talk about their children, aging parents, a career change, summer plans, or a home remodel. As a teacher, I usually weigh in on what’s happening at school and what I’m dreaming about for June and July. And as a golf writer, one might expect Tom Coyne to speak about the latest and greatest course, memorable playing partners, developments in the game, or traditions worth preserving.mBut instead, his answer would take anyone by surprise: he bought a golf course.

I remember reading about this on social media. I scratched my head, wondering how that would work. Knowing Tom, I figured this would find its way to pen and paper. I wanted to know what the story might be. I will read the book to find out. However, I am just as interested in why he did it—and that’s the story explored by the team at CBS Sunday Morning. It, too, is a story worth telling.

While Rolling Green Golf Club in Springfield, PA is his true home course, Sullivan County Golf Club—located in the Catskill Mountains of New York—now shares that title.

Over time, the course, built in 1925, had fallen into disrepair, with deteriorating facilities and declining use. This public nine-hole course was on the brink of closure when the groundskeeper, Sean Smith—who happens to be a fan of Tom Coyne’s writing and, dare I say, his ethos—entered the story.

Coyne visits out of curiosity, but he ends up buying the course and taking responsibility for restoring it—learning the hands-on work of maintaining fairways, greens, and community ties. Unbelievable. Yet believable.

As I watched, I couldn't help but think Tom was the ideal protagonist for this story. For one, the bathroom can’t be all different than those in Fisher Hall—the now extinct dorm where he lived at Notre Dame. Second, his platform is ever growing. To see Bill Murray and Jason Kelce standing in support  of this unlikely venture only reinforces the reach of his voice and the resonance of his vision.

But it’s Tom’s beliefs, his values, and yes—his ethos that make it all work. Early on, he insists, "we need all kinds of courses," a point he makes even more forcefully in A Course Called America. He is openly critical of the exclusivity that often defines American golf. Why, he asks, do we hold the most exclusive courses in such high regard? In Scotland, where the game was born, the best courses are accessible to all.

It’s fair to say that Sullivan County Golf Club is accessible to anyone who can get there—at least for now. As Coyne puts it, “We couldn’t be less stuffy. We’re not fussy. You don’t have to get dressed up. Bring your dog and show up.”

At one point, he reflects, “I’ve been consuming golf my whole life—but what if I got on the side of actually providing golf? That would be different.” So he did. He ran the course for a full year.

To me, that’s the real question—the kind of question someone who truly lives stories asks of themselves and of others. Since encountering Coyne’s words, I’ve found myself thinking more carefully about what I consume—and, more importantly, what I offer.

This isn’t just a cool story. It’s more than a good one, too. In fact, it serves as a reminder that some obstacles, when repurposed, can become more than a source of connection—they can be signs of God’s grace.

“I recognized a kindred sort of golf sicko, like myself—so we bonded on that level. There was also a connection in that Sean is sober, and I am sober. I think people who have gone down that path and know what that experience is like share a meaningful understanding.”

Hearing Tom Coyne and Sean share their story, I’m reminded that transformation isn’t a single moment. Rather, it is unfolding and ongoing—and it applies to much more than a run-down golf course.

When asked if he would do it again, Coyne doesn’t hesitate or flounder: “Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent—and for one simple reason: the people it has brought into my life. This was something where I had to be part of a team that wanted to make something good in the world. What a gift.”

It sounds like the recipe for a great story. Thank you, Tom. I can’t wait to read the one you put into writing, too.

Photo Credits
Tom
Book Cover

Hello Friends—A Story and a Prayer

Perhaps you’ve seen the ads. The Masters—it’s coming. The indelible rite of spring is just over a month away. Jim Nantz calls it “a tradition unlike any other.” In the collective sense, that claim is absolutely true. But the tournament is also host to many traditions—small rituals that, in their own way, are unlike any others. And Nantz is responsible for one of them. It’s his simple opening line: “Hello, friends.”

The story of how that greeting came to be resurfaced this past week on the Vanity Index podcast, and I loved hearing it. Not only was the story new to me, but so was the way it unexpectedly found its way into my Lenten journey. Here are both stories.

Story:
As written by Yahoo sports

In 2002—seven years after his father suffered a mini stroke at Colonial that was later diagnosed as the early stages of Alzheimer’s—Jim Nantz found himself at his dad’s bedside before leaving for the PGA Championship at Hazeltine.

Before he walked out the door, he made a promise.

“When I come on the air, I’m going to look into that camera and I’m going to say, ‘Hello, friends.’ And that’s for you, dad, ’cause you have nothing but friends," Nantz said. "That’s going to be my little trigger line to let you know that in that very moment, I’m thinking of you.”

At the time, Nantz believed it would be a one-and-done—a private signal wrapped inside a public broadcast. A single moment shared between father and son.

But after the telecast, a colleague at CBS Sports, having learned the backstory, told him he should keep it. So Nantz opened the final round the same way.

He hasn’t stopped since.

I love this story for multiple reasons. 

For one, I love the greeting. It's simple but it's so personal. I truly feel as though I’ve been invited into something special—which I have. I get the sense that I’ll be spending the next few hours with a friend.

Second, one would not expect something so public to be so private. In sharing the story, Nantz described it as “a private signal wrapped inside a public broadcast.” Millions may be watching, but when the red light goes on, he intended to speak to all but one—his dad.

Third, I never met Nantz’s father, but I can’t help imagining what kind of man he must have been. To say he had “nothing but friends” suggests to me he was someone special — kind, generous, deeply attentive to others and more. It’s a simple phrase, but it carries weight.

Fourth, isn’t it ironic that it took a friend of Nantz’s to point out the power and poignancy of the greeting? Eli Spielman — a friend and co-author of "Always By My Side" with Jim Nantz— is the one who took pause and noticed. Had he not asked what "that phrase" was all about, we might not have that tradition with The Masters today. 

Fifth, the phrase "Hello Friends" is a personal ritual that serves as a point of connection for Jim and his late father. He says "it has a calming effect" and "I channel him." He added, "For a moment "I feel like I am talking to him." To me, that sounds a whole like prayer.

a recent photo of golf with great friends

Prayer
Prayer is our way of talking to God. It has a calming effect. And through prayer we can channel God—God's mercy and compassion. 

All relationships thrive on good communication. And prayer is our way of communicating with God — not as a transaction, not as a performance, but as a relationship.  It is how we show up. It is how we listen. It is how we make ourselves available to be changed. Just as trust grows when we speak honestly and listen attentively to one another, our relationship with God deepens when we take the time to pray—not just to ask, but to notice, to reflect, and to receive. In prayer, we are reminded that we are not alone, and that mercy and compassion are but a few of the gifts we are meant to carry into the world.

Yes it can be both public or private, formal or informal,  and it can be spoken or written. Though my prayer is often spontaneous, this Lent, I decided that I wanted to write a prayer a day. I figured this would be a meaningful personal discipline.

I was given a list of scripture passages that relate to sports. I wanted to see where this might lead me and I was curious to find out if this might be an exercise I could offer to my students in the future. 

The goal is to write an original prayer from the ideas that come to you in reading (and praying with) the passage of Scripture. I felt drawn to this method because it produces a tangible product. In order to write, I had to familiarize myself with the Word. To produce a prayer, I must open myself up to the message and let it speak to me.  My response is the prayer.

Given this practice, I have noticed that when I encounter a passage of scripture, I make a stronger effort to read what it says. My friend Kelly sent me a card that included a several Bible verses as well as this quote. 

The Lord comes to us in our friends. What we do and are to them is an expression of what we are to Him. —Lloyd John Ogilvie

Though religious in nature, you won't find Ogilvie's words in the Bible. I decided that wasn't the point of this Lenten commitment. The commitment to prayer was and is.

In my writing my prayer that night, I couldn't help but think of Jim Nantz's story and how many friends I have made through golf. I have so many friends with whom I have watched
"the tradition unlike any other." Among others, it is one of my favorite topics of conversations. I thought about my own parents and their friends. I have seen how the Lord has come to all of us through these men and women. What more is there to do but give thanks and praise for this gift. So here is what I wrote...

As a coach, I always hope my players will become good friends.

Prayer for Friends
Gracious and Ever Loving God,

It is an awesome and challenging truth that You come to us in our friends.
In their laughter and loyalty, in their wounds and their wonder —You are there.

Help us to remember that what we do and are for them is an expression of what we are to You.
When we are patient, may it be patience offered to You.
When we listen, may it be You we are honoring.
When we forgive, may it reveal Your mercy.
And when we fail —call us back to love and to think like You.

Thank you for the gift of our friends—both the new and the old, those from our childhood and those who walk with us for a lifetime. 
Amen

Fore! The Wisdom of Forewarned is Forearmed

Like Gretchen Rubin—co-host of the podcast Happier— I too love "proverbs, aphorisms, Zen koans, paradoxes, fables." She says,"I love reading any single line where a big idea is succinctly expressed, or any kind of teaching story." Such pithy prose serves as helpful hints for remembering the truth. We shouldn't need the reminder, but we do. Good, bad or otherwise, I found that in a proverb I quote on a regular basis. It speaks to what each of us should consider in both sports and in spirituality: Forewarned is forearmed.

Golfers are expected to yell Fore! upon hitting a ball that could potentially hit another person. It need not be wide right or sliced super hard to be in the path of an unsuspecting party. Yelling fore! is a warning for other people to watch out.

Upon hearing this four letter word, a person should duck, cover their head and turn away from the direction from whence the sound hath come.To be safe, be sure to wait until you have a sense of where the ball lands before standing up, walking away or moving on. Failure to do increases the risk of injury. Unfortunately, I now have first hand knowledge of how and why this is important.

On Saturday afternoon, I was playing with a friend and an errant shot off the tee hit me on my right thigh. From the tee box, the golfer yelled fore. I ducked and waited but got back up. I hadn't realized that much time would pass between impact from the driver to where it landed— about 200 yards from where it was hit. I never heard the ball hit the ground and that is for the simple fact it hadn't....until it hit me. And I went down. I now have a deep red mark where it landed on my leg and purple bruising all around it. My friend Haley, a D1 field hockey goalie is no stranger to bruises. She told me to name my bruise. I'm not there yet. Instead, I can only speak to what I have said and long believed; Forewarned is forearmed.

Advance warning provides an advantage. If you don't believe me, perhaps history can offer some insight. Even the Roman embraced this maxim. The Latin saying ‘praemonitus, praemunitus’ loosely translates as ‘forewarned is forearmed’. 

I was told what was coming my way. I would say about 50% of the time, I duck, cover and hold (in the other direction). At other times, I simply cover. In this case I just ducked. It certainly could have been worse. I am so lucky I didn't get hit in the head. But given what I know now, I will need the warning and and take hold. And, I can't help but appreciate the irony in the fact that this proverb begins with the very four letters of the word that serve as advance warning and defense. 

This event has served as an invitation to consider how this message might apply to our spiritual lives as well. 

Over time, we acquire self knowledge and ideally a deeper understanding of who we are and who we want to be. Through life experiences, reflection, relationships and reconciliation we realize our shortcomings, limitations and liabilities. We know who and what pushes our buttons. We appreciate what helps us stay morally strong and aware of what might set us astray.

In the Our Father, we pray "Lead us not into temptation." Well, a little forewarning may be help us succeed. If you know you are entering into a situation where you may give in to temptation, stay away. If you sense that something might not be good for you, turn around. Knowledge is power; use it to act—not react. 

I love Huey Lewis and the News' 4th album.
I do wonder if they had been hit by a golf ball, would they have used this title....

The Hebrew word for sin, ḥet, literally means "missing the mark" or "going astray". This is similar to an arrow missing its target. Sounds like a reason someone might yell fore!  Furthermore, sin hurts other people. While we might not see the bruise, sinful actions cause pain and can fracture a relationship. So what can we do? What should we do?

The man who hit the golf ball at me came over to apologize. I didn't even want to look him in the eye. He was sorry. He felt badly about the incident. He asked me if I was okay. While I wish he had said fore again, when the ball got closer (and given me $100 bill...kidding...sort of ), he saw that I was still able to walk and that I wanted my space. He respected that. 

Forewarned is forearmed is a tool for your spiritual toolbox and works in sports, too. While we can never predict the outcome of any given interaction, contest or game, we can use what we know and have learned to keep ourselves and one another as whole and healthy as possible.

Photo Credits
Huey Lewis
Adage
Tiger

How to Grow the Women's Game: Thoughts on the 2024 US Women's Open

The 79th U.S. Women's Open is underway at Lancaster Country Club, where 156 players are competing for the Harton S. Semple Trophy. Nine of the top 10 in the Rolex Women's World Golf Ranking and eight past winners have teed it up, including defending champion Allisen Corpuz and 2015 U.S. Women's Open winner In Gee Chun. As the Eras tour continues in Europe, a new era continues to unfold for women's sports. One might argue that star power alone could get women's golf there, too. The LPGA has a candidate in the red hot Nelly Korda; the number one player in the world is going for her seventh win in eight starts. It's one suggestion, but believe creativity and complementarity are the path to progress for the women's game. Are you ready for it?

Creativity never goes out of style. Curiosity cultivates it. Call it marketing 101. And to that point, I love that the #2024USWO social media campaign called attention to the 2024 host site with the question: How do you say "Lancaster?" Turns out golfers aren't the only ones who have struggled with this phonetic feat. Now, fans know not only how to say "Lancaster" they will remember the club, too. Cool. Creative.

Furthermore, I believe the men's and women's games ought to complement one another. We learn, gain inspiration and can enjoy both. Fandom need not be an either/or proposition;  Following one game shouldn't be at the expense of the other. I will never hit the ball as far as either a man or woman on the tour, but I might 6 putt (Ernie Els—hole one at the 2016 Masters) or take a 10 on a par three (Nelly Korda—hole 3). Professional golfers are both immortal and mortal! I'm the latter, only.

I do wish professional golf would lean into the mindset of complementarity. It may require creativity, but a little could go a long way. For example, in 2014 both the men's and women's US Open championships were held at Pinehurst. This allowed fans to watch both tourneys with a certain familiarity and appreciation for the competition. I valued comparing and contrasting the unique demands the course made of the men and women as it related to their game. It's possible that some clubs could not handle all that goes into hosting two major championships (the venue changes every year and the contest is held at both public and private courses). I get it.

In 2029 both the men's and women's championships will be held at Pinehurst! Back-to-back! 

Regardless of venue, perhaps creative timing could help. For example, the men's US Open always takes place on Father's Day weekend. Could the women's US Open follow suit and happen over Mother's Day weekend?  The media does an outstanding job of highlighting the players who are fathers on the tour as well as the Dads and Granddads who taught their sons/grandsons. It's the sweetest of tributes and could correlate to the women's game. There are several mothers who compete on the tour and I would love to hear more about those players who learned the game from their own mom or Grandmom! I say conspire with creativity....see where it goes and who it shows!

In December 2023, golf took a lesson from professional tennis. For the first time since 1999 PGA and LPGA held a mixed-team Challenge Season event: the Grant Thornton Invitational. As written by the PGA: 

As we look to capitalize on the growing interest in the game of golf, the addition of a mixed event to the calendar has been a priority, and we greatly appreciate title sponsor Grant Thornton for their support in delivering an event that will make our sport more appealing and welcoming to all,” PGA TOUR Commissioner Jay Monahan said. “We look forward to partnering with the LPGA as we deliver first-class entertainment and competition to our fans and the residents of Southwest Florida, who have embraced the PGA TOUR for the past 22 years.”

“We could not be more excited to add the Grant Thornton Invitational to our 2023 schedule,” said LPGA Commissioner Mollie Marcoux Samaan. “By joining forces with the PGA TOUR to host a mixed event where the top male and female golfers in the world compete alongside each other, we’re going to deliver a memorable and entertaining experience for all golf fans, showcasing our players’ incredible skills in a new context to a new audience. This is an important step forward for golf, women’s golf and the LPGA.

Lexi Thompson competes in her final US Open. She qualified in 2007 at the age of 12!

My experience at Wimbledon in the summer of 2023 had me thinking that golf ought to embrace a similar opportunity. While the Grant Thornton Invitational has men and women compete side by side, I don't know why a number of tournaments could not field men and women. They would play the same golf course, but from the appropriate tees. Like tennis, players would enter under the women's or men's draw. This would allow spectators and fans to see the best male and female players in the world! Read more here: Lesson from Wimbledon: A Reminder about the Importance of Equal Access.

Let us continue to usher in a new era for both women's and men's sports. I'd love to see cooperation in the competition. Creativity and complementarity. Let's conspire for both.

Photo Credits
Lex
US Open Logo
Two Trophies

Mindfulness: Worth Teeing Up

Words, names, places to travel, even root vegetables trend in an out, up and down. Ask your friends and colleagues for examples of each. I think kale and sweet potatoes are past their peak. I hear kalettes and broccoflower are on their way in. According to Forbes, Sardinia Italy is tops for 2024. The following questions arise: Does this mean that time, or a new house in Whitefish, Montana is on the way out? Will I still have at least three girls names Sophia and four boys named Jack in my classes in the future? And what will replace mindfulness in the years to come? Hopefully, nothing. How? Why? I hope it's here to stay. 

Mindfulness: Still Trending

To me, mindfulness is a word we hear often, but what does it really mean? I know it's a key concept in the PE/Wellness course required of all ninth graders at St. Ignatius College Prep. #Mindfulness is still trending. And this section of the bookstore (since I still frequent those!) has not slimmed down. I imagine we all have our own path toward understanding and appreciating mindfulness. I found mine through golf. Though some golfers might find this ironic as golf is such a demanding, exacting game—I found it helpful.

In the USGA Golf Journal reports 

Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword, it's a life skill—one that can help you enjoy the game more. 'Mindfulness is a quality of awareness, in which you consciously block past or future interpretations, judgments and fears from affecting the present moment,' said Sharon Salzberg, author of 'Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and Change the World."

Rather than allowing a bad hole to blow up your found, apply the practice of "letting go," Pause, take three deep breaths, say to yourself, I'm starting over, and...let it go.

This is equally important in golf as it is in life. Ask me to name three things which might need letting go, and I can give you thirty. Where should we start? Grievances, shoulds, should nots, numbers, and much more. You can list your own.

Mindfulness however calls us to live in the present. No wonder Salzberg also suggests learning how to "return." 

If you catch yourself thinking about that report you have to turn in tomorrow, gently say to yourself, Not right now. Doing so exercises the letting go muscle, which per Salzberg, "allows you to return to the present moment quicker and with more grace or clarity." 

Let go. Return. Repeat.

If mindfulness is still beyond your grasp, perhaps this example from Olympic Club golf columnist, Gerry Stratford will help. In "A Sojourn" he writes,

I suppose that I am a sojourner on the golf course, and therefore need to cherish not just the 20 minutes that it takes me to hit the ball 80 times, but the full four hours or more that I spend in that special place. 

I occasionally go for a walk in our neighborhood with my wife, and she sets a brisk pace. With long strides and swinging arms, we get terrific exercise, but I would prefer to saunter.

Hal French once explained to me that the word saunter probably derives from the term "saunterer," which was once applied to the traveler in the Middle Ages who was en route to the Holy Land (Sainte Terre). And, if a golf course is in a way our own Sainte Terre, should we not reflect on what is there around us? Not the distance traveled, but the place where we are in the moment. The shots already made are history. They are gone. The ones to come are not yet here. They are beyond our control. Neither of them matters in the moments in between.

All that we really have now is the present, and if in this moment we hear the call of a red-tailed hawk from high in a cypress tree, feel the wind on our face with a taste of fog, or see a rainbow in a bright blue sky, we should savor that. And then, when it is time to feel the slope with our feet and imagine our target line two balls to the right of that beckoning hold, be fully in that moment also.

Mindfulness teachers us to reach out, to become aware of our surroundings. To not be distracted by our recollection of someone's latest swing tip, but just to be the fall and fly with it on its journey home.

This excerpt from "Tee to Green" invites us to consider our own Sainte Terre. Where can you be present? When do you savor the moment? What helps you to become aware of your surroundings? And when you are, what do you see? 

The practice of mindfulness need not be a passing trend. It need not be esoteric or even unpractical either. It's as simple as letting go, returning and making time to saunter....

Photo Credits
Tee it up
Mind Map
Here and Now

Solidarity and the Same Path: A Short Story about Coach Casey Martin

It's 9:30 p.m. and I still haven't eaten dinner. The junior varsity baseball game went long; it was a full day. A stop at Chick-Fil-A was a must. Ever too trusting of technology and my navigation app, I arrived at some dead end street only to realize my empty stomach was another 10 minutes away from hearing Chick-Fil-A's signature soundbite. "My pleasure" was the furthest thing from reality as I saw that even my mobile order didn't go through. I was too tried to feel sorry for myself. Ever feel that way?

I navigated my way through the lengthy takeout line and opted to go inside. I waited 10 minutes for a simple sandwich. In that time, I looked over at the lone group of people at sitting at two tables: two men and a group of young adults—eating and talking with one another. A few minutes later, I looked at them again. After all, what else was there to do? God knows, I couldn't look at my phone anymore. 

For whatever reason, something registered: the Oregon Ducks hat, the ever so slightly familiar face, the realization that the young men were wearing the same thing—black hoodies and pants with a green O. It was the University of Oregon men's golf team and their Coach Casey Martin. 

Casey is one of my first and favorite subjects of the many Sports and Spirituality interviews I have conducted in 13 years time. After walking over to say hello and sharing a brief conversation, I thought to myself: sometimes, the universe throws you a bone.

Running into a golf team in a fast food restaurant probably doesn't mean a lot to most people, but in that time and in that space it did to me. It felt like I got a lucky break or as we say in golf, a member's bounce. In other words, this was good fortune. Thank you, Universe. However, this bone had some special sauce on it. Allow me to explain.

For one, I am also a golf coach. I can't tell you the number of times I have sat with my own team after traveling near and far for a meal in Chick-Fil-A, In and Out Burger, etc. I don't know a coach in America that hasn't at some time, in some place done the same. It doesn't matter if you coach on the Division 1, Varsity, JV, freshman or youth sports level, this scenario is the no different. And the moral of that story is that solidarity is not to be underestimated. To see others doing what you do, and to know that another person gets it, speaks volumes.

Furthermore, writing, following and teaching about athletes and coaches changes you... and your sense of fandom. Over time, it is as if the subject of my articles and lesson plans become friends, mentors and spiritual heroes. It exciting to encounter these people in real time, but it's also challenging. You feel like you know them when you don't. You want to share what young people think and say, but not sure you should. There is a natural imbalance and I always want to mind and bridge the gap. In light of this disparity, I know some writers and teachers just leave others alone. Sometimes I do, other times I do not. I've always thought the best thing to do is say "thank you." In this case, I wanted to say that and more.

Since my interview for Hopekeepers magazine, Casey helped the Ducks capture a national championship. He qualified for the 2012 US Open at the Olympic Club, my home course. And less than six months ago, he had a surgery to amputate his right leg. As written in Golf Digest, "His right leg, or his trail leg as he’s known it in his life as a golfer, was amputated above the knee in a three-and-a-half-hour surgery the afternoon of Oct. 15. That infamous leg afflicted with a circulatory disorder since birth, that won a national championship alongside Notah Begay at Stanford in 1994, that made the Supreme Court debate the essence of competitive golf, that made Jack Nicklaus reluctantly testify against carts, that qualified for two U.S. Opens, that sometimes made him cry getting in and out of the shower, will bother no one anymore." I thought he looked great; I hope his health is strong. Pretty remarkable—I thought to myself. But what do I know?

on the Lake Course at the Olympic Club, 2012.

Well, I know that the Oregon golf team arrived into the Bay Area to play in "The Goodwin" a tournament at Casey's alma mater—Stanford University. I know that getting athletes who play an individual sport to think and work like a team is not easy. I wish I had asked Casey for some tips. And most importantly, I know that it's worth it to reach out to those coaches and athletes we care about when we can. If only for the fact it makes hard work a little lighter and those long days a little more interesting. Sometimes we come to them, sometimes they come to us. Other times, the good Lord puts all of us on the same path. 

Good luck, Coach Martin and Go Ducks!

Photo Credits
Coach and athlete
2012 US Open: Lake Course
Coach

20 for 2020: Number 11—Dare to Dream—The Links Life

In a time when we have learned, lived and been reminded time and again: there are no guarantees, is it okay to dream? My question is not a rhetorical one; I ask it with humility. In an effort to offer an answer, I've noticed my psyche undertakes a small but sincere battle. Yes, no, maybe! My optimistic disposition wants to offer a resounding "yes," while the pragmatic, personal side says "not so much." Fortunately, I found an answer—not from within, but from a friend. Thanks to the sharing of her dream, I encountered what is number 11 on my 20 for 2020: The Links Life.

Lesley, who I know through the Women's Golf Network (WGN) at the Olympic Club wrote:

I don’t know if the WGN board is talking at all about future “on the road” trips, but I thought I’d send along a little something for consideration.

Take a look at the video link attached. Ireland has always been on my wish list for a trip, but seeing this just pushed it over the edge for me. And then take a look at all the other Ireland episodes these guys put together.  Heck, I’d be happy to copy their whole travel itinerary!

Would love to hear your thoughts on the possibility of putting Ireland on the schedule for 2022.

Reading her message was an emotional and spiritual shot in the arm. To read about it in the midst of limited travel and heightened restrictions didn't make me sad, I found it hopeful. 2022: We can do this!

I should have known golf in Ireland would be a shared dream among my golf girlfriends. I watched the video, smiling from ear to ear as I imagined the possibilities. The joy and beauty of Adare Manor was trumped by the delight of seeing Notre Dame alum and New York Times best-selling author Tom Coyne join this crew. What a great trip!

I have only loosely followed Tom's career as an outstanding golf writer. A year behind me at ND, I remember encouraging Tom to apply for the Alliance for Catholic Education (ACE) program as I thought his affable nature, quick wit, notable presence and keen intellect would make for a great teacher. ACE's loss was creative writing's gain as he completed his MFA in the year following his graduation. When his first book "A Gentleman's Game" came to print and was made into a movie, I thought he certainly made the right choice. And, since that time he has written a number of best selling books that golfers everywhere appreciate.

But, I still see that teacher in Tom as demonstrated in the YouTube series "The Links Life." Created to accompany his next novel, "A Course Called America," these eight to twelve minute video shorts tell the story of golf, with Tom as the narrator. His input is stellar, his swing spectacular. 

He begins each episode with questions golfers and their families ask of each other: 

Is golf a game? A lifestyle? An obsession? My name is Tom Coyne and for me, golf is connection. It's a connection with nature, places, but most of all—with people. I've traveled the work on some crazy golf adventures and everywhere I go, I find people whose lives revolve around this little white ball because this isn't just a game—it's The Links Life.

I watched every episode with awe and amazement, envy (he gets a lot better weather than I did at some of these venues) and an increased appreciation for this great game. They say that golf is a thinking person's game but I would contend it's that much better when played with a reading and writing person. Some of his erudite comments, e.g. Who set these pins? Nero? Caligula? have stayed with me. Love it. I don't know what I enjoy more— the courses or the commentary.

Tom on the Cliff's course at the Olympic Club. Ep 7

Tom's ultimate claim, as professed by introduction to The Links Life is that golf is about connection. And if there's one word I use to describe spirituality in my class, it is connection. Golf can be a spiritual experience because of the way it connects us to what he said--people and places...to nature and God's creation. It creates memories to which we are bound through the good and the bad. It has in the simplest way reminded me that it is okay to dream and that we should....and we need not do that alone.

Thanks, Tom. Looking forward to hosting you at the Olympic Club for a book event celebrating: A Course Called America. Hopefully in 2021—if not 2022!

Photo Credits
A Course Called America
Author, Tom Coyne
YouTube

How Golf Can Help Root Out Racism

This will come as a surprise to no one. Diversity remains golf's biggest challenge. This message however is not one I share without hope. In the five years, I have coached high school golf, friends have referred to my team as "United Nations." Last week, I learned that the number of female golfers is on the rise, especially among new golfers. Yay! Furthermore, diversity manifests itself in many ways e.g. race, ethnicity, religion, belief, gender, orientation, and age. Golf is truly a multi-general sport. That truth might be one of golf's primary virtues. There aren't many physical, outdoor activities that young, middle aged and elderly people can enjoy together. Golf is one of them. I defer to the governing bodies (USGA etc) on the why racial diversity among golfers is lacking. I will let you read more on systems and structures that are working to make golf more accessible and inclusive elsewhere. What I would like to offer are three attributes of this game that I believe carry over into the personal life and are necessary for rooting out the sin of racism.

1. Don't Assume Anything

One need not play golf to learn you should not assume anything about anyone. Life will teach you that principle. However, golf reveals this truth to me time and again. Furthermore, I think this is an important mindset to have about others and as we aim to root out racism.

The game will find ways to humble you (yet another attribute!). I have played against women 30 years my senior whose second shot doesn't land as far as my drive. One might assume it is going to be a long round, but as with most things in life—slow, steady, consistent and remaining on line—yields good results. 

If you had to guess the nationality of Tiger Woods, could you do it? He self-identifies as `Cablinasian.″ a word he feels best describes his background:  a blend of Caucasian, black, Indian and Asian. And what about Jhonattan Vegas?

One of my friends said that he loves when his competition watches him warm up on the range. "Out there my index is a 40." Don't assume anything....once he's on the course, you can drop the zero off of forty.

The bottom line: let people share their own story. Abandon stereotypes, carry no prejudice. Easier said than done but totally necessary. And, in the words of Maya Angelou "When people show you who they are, believe them."

Woods and Vegas...what a great last name

2. Awareness of Others

There is a huge "I" in describing golf as an individual sport. Yes, one can participate in match play or be a member of their school's team, but in golf the team is you. There are no assists in this game. You will never take a charge or box out for the good of another. Sounds pretty selfish, right? Yes and no.

On the course, a player must be aware of where another player lies at all times. One should not hit when they want to or when they feel like it. The rules of the game prescribe who, what, where, why and you determine how. During a round, I have to look at where my playing partners stand. Are they away? Am I? Is there a chance I could hit into the group in front of me? Should I wait? 

It helps to have another set of eyes on the ball. After contact, should the ball go in the rough, or bounce off a sprinkler head, it's so helpful to have those you are playing with (and against) help you find the ball. Some have eagles eyes. Others have that sixth sense. Occasionally it really does take a village!

On the putting green, it is important to vocalize who ought to go next. This formality is a sign of good sportsmanship and helps all players. 

When a player comes close to hitting another, they ought to apologize. Nine times out of ten they do. Usually, it's not a problem but when it is, tempers can rise. Some folks take things personally. Conflict management is part of life. 

According to the ASCD (an organization that aims to empower educators to achieve excellence in learning, teaching, and leading so that every child is healthy, safe, engaged, supported, and challenged) the first of five actions for teaching for an antiracist future is to Engage in Vigilant Self-Awarenesss. Golf cultivates this practice!

3. Pay Attention/Notice the Details

The invitation/command to "pay attention" is fundamental if one is to develop a spiritual life. The same is true in the game of golf.

Adjusting my swing one-eighth of an inch makes a significant difference as does how fast or slow I swing the club. Where I aim, from which direction the wind is blowing, and what is the right line upon which to putt (uphill or down?) require a lot of focus and attention. I believe that rooting out racism does too. 

Racism is often insidious. It hides in jokes or subtle comments. People want to believe "Americans in that state" or "that region" have the problem. Such is dangerous thinking. 

Pay attention to what people say and how they say it. If a comment is offensive or inappropriate, talk it out. 

Last week, a friend told a joke to the other golfers in my foursome and it didn't sit well with me. He knew he shouldn't have said it because he prefaced his remarks with "if Anne wasn't here, I would say..." and then the joke was shared. It was a sexist remark and it wasn't that funny. Though I should have recognized this earlier, it wasn't until I paid attention to my feelings and my body language that I realized it wasn't ok. My friend does a lot to support girls golf. He also invited me to play and we will again. When we do, if such jokes continue, I will talk it out and I hope that when/if I make comments to my team, they will have the courage and respect to do the same with me.

Pretty Hard NOT to see the logo on HVIII

I would like to add that what we need to pay attention to and notice is not all bad. Did you catch any of the Charles Schwab Challenge June 11-14, 2020? This was the first PGA tourney that returned to action since March. If you did, perhaps you noticed the caddies wore two names on their bibs: one for the player whose bag they carried and the other for a first responder—a man or woman in the Dallas/Fort Worth area serving on the front lines. The tee time at 8:46 a.m. was left empty. The PGA Tour issued this statement, “As the PGA Tour commits to amplifying the voices and efforts underway to end systemic issues of racial and social injustices impacting our country, we have reserved the 8:46 a.m. tee time to pay our respects to the memory of George Floyd. We will pause at 8:46 a.m. during each round for a moment of silence, prayer and reflection.” What an important moment to pay attention to!

In Conclusion

In the wake of George Floyd's murder, many people have learned and grow familiar with terms and concepts that will behoove us in building a better America. Anti-racism, systemic racism, bias, equity and inclusion are but a few. All are important. As I read and have more discussions with other educators, I hope to offer some insight into the paradigm with which I most familiar: Sports and Spirituality for adding to this noble quest. Golf has a rich and vibrant language and its lessons are many. As the it aims to become more inclusive, I hope that golfers everywhere will use some of the game's attributes OFF of the course as well.

Photo Credits
HV III
Woods and Vegas
Spieth and Greller/Burke

Platforms for Gratitude: Thank you Shane Lowry

Viewing a game, match or tourney through my DVR just doesn't give me the satisfaction that a live feed does. I have to watch sports en vivo—live. For many fans however, the highlight reel is sufficient. If that is all a person can get, so be it. But there is much more to the production and telecast of a sporting event than the game itself. To me, this is not worth missing. If I had, I would have missed out on an important activity for all coaches to consider as they plan for a new sports season: How do we thank our parents? In what ways can our athletes honor them? Thank you to Justin Leonard and Shane Lowry for this reminder. 

As I watched the 2019 Open Championship, I marveled at the pin-rattling wind and the heavy rain that often seemed to be falling horizontally during the final round. I was mesmerized by the Irish crowd who came and stayed, in droves to support one of their own and I was especially moved by one clip they ran featuring past champions. American golfer, Justin Leonard shared his memory of winning it and holding the Claret Jug in 1997 . What followed was a number of golfers—Zach Johnson, Jordan Spieth, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods doing the same. While that may not sound remarkable, their reaction was. Each one, had to pause. They stopped talking. They lowered the silver trophy in hand. Many apologized. Each was so overcome with emotion of what had happened, they were moved to tears. Memories like these, shared with the viewers from around the world, said little, but spoke volumes about the significance of this particular win. Humbling to see, delightful to behold.

The timing of this clip made me wonder if this year's winner would do the same. The WSJ writes

With a red, bushy beard and a ball marked with a shamrock, Shane Lowry was a perfectly Irish champion on a perfectly Irish day. He won the British Open with a score of 15 under par, beating Tommy Fleetwood by six shots. In the first Open on Irish soil since 1951, Lowry became the first Irish major champion since Rory McIlroy in 2014. 

As Lowry walked up the 18th fairway, his name already engraved on the trophy, it took a line of marshals to restrain the dozens of fans running up to him from behind. 

It can't get much better than that....but it did. When it was time to hand over the Claret Jug, Lowry did so with open arms. He smiled and held it high for all to see. As written in the Irish Sun, he said

"What can I say? I just have so many people to thank really. First of all, the R&A for such a great event, to have an Open on the island of Ireland at Portrush is amazing. 

This is one of my favourite places in Ireland. I've a lot of people in my team I have to thank. 

My coach Neil (Manchip), caddie Bo (Brian Martin), my management. I definitely wouldn't be standing here without them. 

My family. What can I say? My mum and dad.

The camera turned to feature Brendan and Bridget Lowry jumping up and down. Shane however, had to pause. I knew what was coming. I felt them too. He got choked up. He lowered the trophy and looked down. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, but the tears began. Just moments later however, with Irish eyes smiling, he said, "they sacrificed so much for me when I was younger and I'm so happy you can handle this trophy tonight."

Their selflessness made this feat possible. Their joy and his joy—shared, complete.

Our parents do make our greatest of achievements possible. They are the giver of great gifts, the first being life itself. From that gift, many others flow. Indeed, our parents are not perfect but I do think it is important to express gratitude for what they have done for us. I was reminded how important and meaningful this can be by Lowry's emotion and gesture. 

The platform of athletics lends itself to this easily. I invite all coaches to consider how and when you will have your athletes and your teams thank their parents for giving the gift of sport. Indianapolis CYO director and longtime head football coach at Roncalli High School Bruce Scifres offers a poignant and practical way he had his team give thanks to their parents. In "Five Great Transformational Team Activities" he shares the steps for Senior Letters to their parents: 

Each season for our last regular season home game, I would have each of our seniors write a letter to their parents. I would give them three basic guidelines on Monday of that week:  

• Thank your parents for the countless sacrifices they make for you. 

• Tell them that you love them. 

• Let them know you are proud to be their son!

After giving these guidelines, I would encourage them to create something in their own words that would be a keepsake their parents would want to hold onto forever! I would have the seniors turn the letters in to me in a sealed envelope before the game. I would hand the letters back to the players after pre-game warm-ups to hand to their parents as they were escorting their parents to the middle of the field as they were introduced. The parents could then read the letters after they returned to the stands or after getting home from the game. Over the years, I have had a handful of parents tell me later that this senior letter changed their relationship with their son for the better. They said it opened up their line of communication and provided plenty for them to discuss later. Our parents always appreciated these letters from their sons a great deal.

I dedicated my book Pray and Practice with Purpose to my parents. I wrote "to the giver of so many wonderful gifts—including Sports and Spirituality. Thank you." It shouldn't take writing a book or winning the Open Championship for us to have a platform to extend our gratitude. It's certainly worth celebrating, but we can in the many steps that our parents share with us along the way.

To Brendan and Bridget: ENJOY!
To Shane: I saw you hit a hole in one at the 2016 Masters. Brilliant!

Photo Credits
Crying Shane
Lowry Parents