No Secret Handshake, Just a Headset—Thoughts on the NFL Head Coaches Group Photo

Membership has its privileges—but none of these men carry a common card. There’s no secret handshake, no initiation ceremony, no shared letters stitched across a jacket. They don’t wear the same colors to work, yet to do their job, they all don the same headset.

They are beloved and belittled, celebrated and second-guessed. Many are household names and hometown heroes. In fact, you might know more about them than your state senator, your local congressperson, or even your governor. You could likely pick them out of a crowd—and gladly would.

Who makes up this coveted crew? The 32 head coaches of the NFL for the 2026–2027 season and I love the annual tradition of their group photo.

The “class photo” began informally—just a group of coaches gathering during their annual meetings. But the image reveals something deeper. These men know one another. They’ve crossed paths for years—playing, coaching, competing, collaborating across the league’s 32 organizations. The circle is small, and it changes quickly. After all, the NFL can just as easily stand for “Not For Long.” This year alone, new faces have already stepped into the frame. And that’s part of what makes the photo meaningful.

For a brief moment, rivals stand shoulder to shoulder. Competitors pause. The noise quiets. And the role they share matters more than the differences that divide them. You get the sense that each one knows just how rare—and how fragile—his place is. Again, it’s a simple photo. But it offers a subtle lesson and begs us to consider: What if our communities did the same

What if we made space, even briefly, to recognize those who lead—imperfectly, publicly, and under constant scrutiny? Not to ignore disagreements, but to remember the weight of responsibility they carry. Not to erase differences, but to acknowledge a shared commitment to something larger than themselves.

I encourage organizations and institutions to do the same. Make the effort to take a group photo. Help people understand they are part of something much bigger. In making this an annual tradition, others begin to notice both the pillars and the newcomers—the ones just finding their footing and the ones who have carried the weight for years. Some arrive young; others grow old in the work. It’s special. It’s meaningful. And yes, it can even be fun.

LOVED this class: RS 300

And by fun, what I mean is the analysis and sheer color commentary that this photo sparks. I've probably watched at least 10 Instagram reels on this topic. Sports talk pundits take no mercy on the strong personalities, their size and shape, the fitness and facial expressions of this group. From Kubiak's calf muscle, to John Harbaugh's cut off white socks inside his loafers, not to mention Mike Vrabel taking over both arm rests, I laughed and looked again. Yes, Kyle Shanahan does look as though he is dressed to be in the south of France. And this year, the group includes two sets of brothers: John and Jim Harbaugh as well as Matt and Mike LaFleur. The newest sibling, Mike LaFleur, the head coach of the Arizona Cardinals is 6'1".  However, according to Pat MacAfee, Mike makes the coach to his right— John Brady look 6'9." (They love his Rolodex, too). Very true.

If you count closely, you’ll notice only 30 men standing and smiling. Cleveland Browns head coach Todd Monken is missing—he was getting a haircut. Ironically, it was for the photo, but it was taken 20 minutes early, and he missed it. He later “joked he has plenty of incentive for not going one-and-done, so he can make his first appearance in the photo next year.”

I love this photo for multiple reasons. My Grandmother sent us Easter outfits so my mom scheduled a photo shoot. I decided to cut my sister's bangs to help her get ready.
I love that my mom decided to keep the photo shoot.

Whether it's this year, next year or ten years from now, a simple snapshot becomes something more. It tells a story of belonging and change, of continuity and calling. Faces come and go, but the mission endures and the goal for these men remains the same. #Lombardi

My favorite movie is "Dead Poets Society." In one scene Robin Williams, Mr. Keating their English teacher and an alum of the school takes his class into the hallway to look at the photographs that litter the walls of Welton Academy. The images—they're black and white. Many are faded. They are familiar and yet they are different. 

Keating zooms in and begs his students to do the same. He says, 

They're not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they're destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see, gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen. You hear it?... Carpe... Hear it?... Carpe. Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.

I think this is the role of a coach, of a teacher, a school administrator—most leaders! make your life and especially of those you serve: extraordinary.

The tradition of a group photo captures more than a moment in time. It’s a reminder that no one stands alone, and that every role, however brief, is part of something lasting.

Photo Credits

Two Assists for One Goal

My sister is great at telling jokes. She has a penchant for remembering them (half the battle!). She can reference a good one easily. Her delivery is outstanding and her timing is impeccable. As a primary school educator, it's a handy tool in the tool box. My gift? This should not come as a surprise: finding a good metaphor for sports and spirituality.

Most of my analogies are straightforward and speak for themselves. One need not be a devoted sports fan or deeply spiritual to understand and appreciate them. Others are more specialized, shaped for a particular audience. Some come easily, but not all. From time to time, I have to let a metaphor cook—or bake—churning it over until something settles into place. The core ingredient is there, but something is still missing. Such is the case with the assist—but in this instance, I mean the assist in hockey.

I have written about the assist and its significance. As written in Remembering Fr. Ted Hesburgh for A Lifelong Assist

An assist is credited to a player who makes a pass or play that directly leads to a goal or basket. It is a vital component of many team sports, including basketball, soccer, lacrosse, and field hockey. It shows how teamwork—not just scoring—helps a team succeed. 

The assist is one of the more selfless stats in all of sports. You have to think of your teammates and have a wider vision of who they are and where they are in order to get one. The assist makes scoring and winning happen; without one you have a lot of "I"s in that team. As a way of teaching its importance, UNC's Hall of Fame coach, Dean Smith "drummed into his players that, after scoring, each should point at the teammate who made the basket possible." 

I started to think of how the world might be different if we all recognized the person who gives us an assist. Too often, assists go unnoticed (which is why Coach Smith's innovation is so thoughtful and poignant).

However, in hockey, an assist is a bit more generous and structured than in other sports.  Up to two players can get assists on a single goal. In fact, a goal can have: a primary assist (last player to pass the puck) and a secondary assist (the player who passed it before that). The hockey assist depends on continuous team possession. Ultimately it rewards build-up play, not just the final pass! Talk about a wider vision.

I have let this facet of hockey marinate in my mind for some time. And I'm glad I did as I found a meaningful analog.

My mom has been in a skilled nursing facility since February 6, 2026. Since her diagnosis with ovarian cancer she has struggled in the hospital and at home. She lost so much strength and is in need of daily physical therapy and greater medical care than we could provide at home. The drawback is that the days and nights can get long and lonely.

It has been humbling to see how family and friends have reached out—with phone calls, text messages, cards, gift cards, and so many acts of service and love. Although my mom hasn’t been very active, visitors seem to restore her energy. Just last week, I reached out to a beloved neighbor, Josie from my parents’ old neighborhood, and her visit lifted my mom’s spirits in a beautiful way. She brought with her another neighbor, Jackie. The three of them had lunch together just one year earlier!

Two days later, another former neighbor, Marie, came to see my mom. She stayed for over an hour. My mom was deeply touched. "We laughed so much! We had so much to talk about. We share great memories from those days in Walnut Creek."

Marie was my brother's confirmation sponsor. When I got my acceptance letter into Notre Dame she came to our house with flowers. It made me sad that we had lost touch over the years but grateful for all we have shared.

I sent a text message to Josie thanking her for reaching out to Marie. She said "I can't take credit for that. Jackie is in better contact with Marie. She notified her." 

And there you have it: two assists for one goal. Josie brought Jackie and Jackie brought Marie. All get credit for showing up, but one is not necessarily independent of the other.

I take heart in this metaphor. All is connected. None of us stand alone. It’s important to recognize those who make the assist—the quiet contributors whose presence makes something greater possible. Whether in basketball or hockey, may we celebrate the good that comes from a wider vision and a deep commitment to one another.

And please continue to pray for my mom, her caregivers and her visitors!

Photo Credits
The Assist

A Coach, an Oscar, and the Children We Must Remember—Thank you Steve Kerr

I remember when Oscar parties rivaled the very best Super Bowl gatherings. Friends would dress up as their favorite actors, and the food went far beyond the usual party fare. Drinks and dishes were cleverly inspired by the nominees for Best Picture, Best Director, and more. In fact, my colleagues and I often used the Academy Awards as a cultural touchstone in the classroom—a shared experience that connected students to the broader world of film and storytelling. Times have changed.

I asked my class if anyone tuned in and all of two seniors raised their hands. I admitted that I too missed out. I didn't see most of the movies and I didn't even know much about who or what was up for best of anything. That is until I found out that Steve Kerr, the head coach of the Golden State Warriors won an Oscar.

As written on ESPN,

Kerr was one of the executive producers for "All the Empty Rooms," which won the Oscar for documentary short.

The 35-minute film chronicles how broadcast journalist Steve Hartman and photographer Lou Bopp told the stories of families who have memorialized the bedrooms of children killed in mass shootings. Kerr -- whose father, then the president of American University in Beirut, was shot and killed in 1984 -- has long spoken out about a need for common-sense gun regulation.

"I didn't have anything to do with the making of the film," Kerr said Monday. "But I am very proud to be associated with it."

"They called me about a year ago and asked if I would like to be an executive producer, which meant basically put my name on it and help promote it," Kerr said. And then after watching the film, I was just blown away by how beautiful it was and poignant it was. It was an easy decision."

I don't know if I would have heard about this film if it were not for sports and my love of Coach Kerr, but I am grateful I did.

I told my students about the short film and how I came to find out about it. Thank you, to KNBR—my morning sports talk radio station. I admitted that I didn't know if I was going to watch "All the Empty Rooms." I didn't know if I could. I wish had for I would have shared some of why I think it's important for them and for all of America to see. 

Steve Hartman was first assigned to report on a school shooting in 1997. Since he began, school shootings have increased from 17 to 132 per year. 

In the 33 minute film (available on Netflix), he said,  

for years I had been doing essays at the end of every school shooting week. Maybe it was a hero or the country coming together. Whatever it was, they were looking for some kind of positive message.  

I did so many of these essays that I felt like I was repeating myself. In fact, I was using the same lines in the stories. And I saw that America was moving on from each school shooting"quicker and quicker every time. 

I recalled  some of the tropes I have heard in times of tragedy. "Everything happens for a reason" or thinking back to law of attraction as promised by "The Secret" According to that best seller, your thoughts attract corresponding outcomes—positive thoughts supposedly bring positive experiences, while negative thoughts attract negative ones. Those ring hollow. I recommend "The Book of Job" instead.

I burst into tears in under one minute of viewing this film. I listened in total awe of the parents recalling memories of their children. I looked is sadness as they welcomed Hartman and Bopp into the sacred space of their late son or daughter's room. Hartman and Bopp navigate that journey with utter grace. 

Hartman caught my attention when he suggested that the media may bear some of the responsibility. He said, "I feel like the media is to blame a little bit for some of this. Or, at least its worth exploring. In the beginning, especially, it was just so overdone. And, the shooters were mentioned way too much. What we need to talk about is the child who is not here anymore." And there you have it. The name of this short film and the reason why it's so moving.

He said, "I wish we could transport all Americans to stand in one of those bedrooms for just a few minutes. We'd be a different America." 

Hartman speaks about solidarity. So does Greg Boyle, SJ—the founder of Homeboy Industries. Father Boyle has said that "nothing stops a bullet like a job." He's right. And maybe a bedroom could too.

His concludes with the message: 

I want the project to remind people that these were our children.

I want the project to remind people that these were your children.

These could be your children.

Thank you Steve Hartman and Lou Bopp. And thank you Steve Kerr, for your support of "All the Empty Rooms." That was your father. I don't need to see his room—or rather, his classroom. It is one you have already shown us. 

Photo Credits
Hair Ties

The Sports and Spirituality Camino: Remembering Coach Lou Holtz

During the deep dark throes of COVID I found comfort in routine. I walked in the morning. I volunteered at the San Francisco Food Bank on Wednesdays I played golf on Saturdays and every night, I sat down to write at a desk in my hallway. A manuscript was born. 

The summer before the start of the pandemic, I was on campus at the University of Notre Dame and I had a vision—a near mystical experience. Standing at the statue of the Holy Family, I saw much more than Mary, Joseph and the child Jesus in the sculpture before me. I saw an invitation. I found an opportunity and an awakening. What took root in that moment was the idea of pilgrimage.

I realized I had come to this place before—to pray, to gaze, and to wonder. In that moment I understood myself as a pilgrim. I had come to this place at a particular moment in time, and those standing around me were pilgrims, too.

I started to take a mental inventory of the various statues scattered throughout campus. Many were familiar, others were new. The University was intentional in its messaging—placing a statue of The Visitation near the Eck Visitors Center at the entry of campus, the unassuming statue of Father Edward Sorin, C.S.C., the founder of Notre Dame toward the front and center of campus. Our Lady as she stands on the Dome.

I started to organize these statues by themes: saints, Holy Cross priests, images of Christ, tributes to Mary and coaches! Go Irish. I decided that I could create and dedicate a specific path of pilgrimage—caminos—as a way to engage with the art and pray. Caminos on Campus: Five Paths of Pilgrimage at the University of Notre Dame needed to be written! COVID afforded me the time to do that and I'm excited to share that this Spring Break is dedicated to finding an a publisher and way to get this text into print. 

When I got the news that Coach Lou Holtz had died, I couldn't help but wonder if people would make an act of pilgrimage to the statue of him outside of Notre Dame Stadium. Those who place flowers and personal mementos at his feet are pilgrims. That journey to a specific place for a prayerful purpose is pilgrimage.

For those who will make this journey in the days, weeks, and months to come, I would like to share something I wrote in my book for those who undertake the Sports and Spirituality Camino. Each path brings the pilgrim to five to ten different sites. At each statue, the pilgrim can read a short reflection I have written to provide context. After learning a little about the sculpture, the pilgrim is then invited to pray.

I am including both components here as a way to honor Coach Lou Holtz and to invite you into this same space. One does not need to stand before the actual statue to enter into a spiritual pilgrimage.

My hope is that this moment may be meaningful and memorable—a small invitation to see, reflect, and pray at the University of Notre Dame. According to Lou, “Those who know Notre Dame, no explanation’s necessary. Those who don’t, no explanation will suffice.” Maybe this pilgrimage will help.

Sports and Spirituality Pilgrimage
Travel to the southwest corner of Notre Dame Stadium. The D Gate also known as the Holtz gate features the statue you see here.

Coach Lou Holtz
In November 1985, Lou Holtz became the twenty-fifth head coach in Notre Dame football history. Holtz is the fourth to win a national championship in his third year at the helm, leading the Irish—in 1988— to a perfect record of 12-0. Known as a master motivator and a strict disciplinarian, Coach Holtz credits his Catholic faith as the source of such outstanding qualities. Moreover, his vision and philosophy resonate with his belief. 

In The Notre Dame Book of Prayer, Holtz wrote 

The sisters of Notre Dame preached to me when I was in grade school that God is everywhere. No place is that more evident to me than at the University of Notre Dame. God’s presence permeates the campus. I am not referring just to the Basilica of the Sacred Heart or the Grotto, but to the football stadium as well.  

I often felt, during a critical stage of a close football game, that more people in the stadium were praying to God than in most church on Sunday morning, even though they were praying to God for different reasons. 

I felt, and still do, that the stadium is a sacred place. Our players would go from our team Mass at Sacred Heart directly to the stadium. After warm-up we would pray the Our Father and the Hail Mary led by our team priest, Jim Riehle, C.S.C. We often asked our football players to conduct their activities both on and off the field according to the Book of Proverbs. 

God is always with us wherever we go, and that includes the football field. 

It also says in the Bible that when two or more come together to pray, God will be among them. The sisters were right.

Perhaps you too have felt God’s presence inside of Notre Dame stadium. Maybe you have offered your own prayers of gratitude for moments and memories inside the House that Rockne built. Has gazing at The Word of Life Mural ever called you to give praise to Jesus? or reflect further upon His message? Coach Holtz has reminded us that our workplaces or venues we return to every fall can serve as sacred places. Blessed be!

Prayer: Proverbs 3 1-12
Coach Holtz always wrote a line from this passage on his game plan.

My child, do not forget my teaching, take to heart my commands;

For many days, and years of life, and peace, will they bring you.

Do not let love and fidelity forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then will you win favor and esteem before God and human beings.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely

In all your ways be mindful of Him, and He will make straight your paths.

Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD and turn away from evil;

This will mean health for your flesh and vigor for your bones.

Honor the LORD with your wealth, with first fruits of all your produce;

Then will your barns be filled with plenty, with new wine your vats will overflow.

The discipline of the LORD, my child, do not spurn do not disdain his reproof;

For whom the LORD loves he reproves, as a father, the son he favors.

Amen

Photo Credits
Statue: Thank you to a beloved former student Thomas for taking the photo of the statue!
Holtz statue
Fleur de Lis

Hello Friends—A Story and a Prayer

Perhaps you’ve seen the ads. The Masters—it’s coming. The indelible rite of spring is just over a month away. Jim Nantz calls it “a tradition unlike any other.” In the collective sense, that claim is absolutely true. But the tournament is also host to many traditions—small rituals that, in their own way, are unlike any others. And Nantz is responsible for one of them. It’s his simple opening line: “Hello, friends.”

The story of how that greeting came to be resurfaced this past week on the Vanity Index podcast, and I loved hearing it. Not only was the story new to me, but so was the way it unexpectedly found its way into my Lenten journey. Here are both stories.

Story:
As written by Yahoo sports

In 2002—seven years after his father suffered a mini stroke at Colonial that was later diagnosed as the early stages of Alzheimer’s—Jim Nantz found himself at his dad’s bedside before leaving for the PGA Championship at Hazeltine.

Before he walked out the door, he made a promise.

“When I come on the air, I’m going to look into that camera and I’m going to say, ‘Hello, friends.’ And that’s for you, dad, ’cause you have nothing but friends," Nantz said. "That’s going to be my little trigger line to let you know that in that very moment, I’m thinking of you.”

At the time, Nantz believed it would be a one-and-done—a private signal wrapped inside a public broadcast. A single moment shared between father and son.

But after the telecast, a colleague at CBS Sports, having learned the backstory, told him he should keep it. So Nantz opened the final round the same way.

He hasn’t stopped since.

I love this story for multiple reasons. 

For one, I love the greeting. It's simple but it's so personal. I truly feel as though I’ve been invited into something special—which I have. I get the sense that I’ll be spending the next few hours with a friend.

Second, one would not expect something so public to be so private. In sharing the story, Nantz described it as “a private signal wrapped inside a public broadcast.” Millions may be watching, but when the red light goes on, he intended to speak to all but one—his dad.

Third, I never met Nantz’s father, but I can’t help imagining what kind of man he must have been. To say he had “nothing but friends” suggests to me he was someone special — kind, generous, deeply attentive to others and more. It’s a simple phrase, but it carries weight.

Fourth, isn’t it ironic that it took a friend of Nantz’s to point out the power and poignancy of the greeting? Eli Spielman — a friend and co-author of "Always By My Side" with Jim Nantz— is the one who took pause and noticed. Had he not asked what "that phrase" was all about, we might not have that tradition with The Masters today. 

Fifth, the phrase "Hello Friends" is a personal ritual that serves as a point of connection for Jim and his late father. He says "it has a calming effect" and "I channel him." He added, "For a moment "I feel like I am talking to him." To me, that sounds a whole like prayer.

a recent photo of golf with great friends

Prayer
Prayer is our way of talking to God. It has a calming effect. And through prayer we can channel God—God's mercy and compassion. 

All relationships thrive on good communication. And prayer is our way of communicating with God — not as a transaction, not as a performance, but as a relationship.  It is how we show up. It is how we listen. It is how we make ourselves available to be changed. Just as trust grows when we speak honestly and listen attentively to one another, our relationship with God deepens when we take the time to pray—not just to ask, but to notice, to reflect, and to receive. In prayer, we are reminded that we are not alone, and that mercy and compassion are but a few of the gifts we are meant to carry into the world.

Yes it can be both public or private, formal or informal,  and it can be spoken or written. Though my prayer is often spontaneous, this Lent, I decided that I wanted to write a prayer a day. I figured this would be a meaningful personal discipline.

I was given a list of scripture passages that relate to sports. I wanted to see where this might lead me and I was curious to find out if this might be an exercise I could offer to my students in the future. 

The goal is to write an original prayer from the ideas that come to you in reading (and praying with) the passage of Scripture. I felt drawn to this method because it produces a tangible product. In order to write, I had to familiarize myself with the Word. To produce a prayer, I must open myself up to the message and let it speak to me.  My response is the prayer.

Given this practice, I have noticed that when I encounter a passage of scripture, I make a stronger effort to read what it says. My friend Kelly sent me a card that included a several Bible verses as well as this quote. 

The Lord comes to us in our friends. What we do and are to them is an expression of what we are to Him. —Lloyd John Ogilvie

Though religious in nature, you won't find Ogilvie's words in the Bible. I decided that wasn't the point of this Lenten commitment. The commitment to prayer was and is.

In my writing my prayer that night, I couldn't help but think of Jim Nantz's story and how many friends I have made through golf. I have so many friends with whom I have watched
"the tradition unlike any other." Among others, it is one of my favorite topics of conversations. I thought about my own parents and their friends. I have seen how the Lord has come to all of us through these men and women. What more is there to do but give thanks and praise for this gift. So here is what I wrote...

As a coach, I always hope my players will become good friends.

Prayer for Friends
Gracious and Ever Loving God,

It is an awesome and challenging truth that You come to us in our friends.
In their laughter and loyalty, in their wounds and their wonder —You are there.

Help us to remember that what we do and are for them is an expression of what we are to You.
When we are patient, may it be patience offered to You.
When we listen, may it be You we are honoring.
When we forgive, may it reveal Your mercy.
And when we fail —call us back to love and to think like You.

Thank you for the gift of our friends—both the new and the old, those from our childhood and those who walk with us for a lifetime. 
Amen