As a Notre Dame fan, I have been through my fair share of losses. More than a few football losses come to mind. There are the devastating ones—Boston College 1993, the heartbreakers—Ohio State 2023, the debilitating defeats—Alabama in 2013 and menacing/questionable outcomes—Colorado in 1991. But a significant chapter of this story speaks to the terrible, shocking and inexcusable losses, such as the one handed to the Irish by the Huskies of Northern Illinois University on Saturday, September 7, 2024.
Yes, ND was a 28 point favorite. Yes, we were coming off a big win over Texas A&M and ranked five in the nation. Yes, we paid NIU $1.4 to play the game. Yes, it was the home opener. Yes, they were unranked and kept us to all of two touchdowns. And yes there's a lesson I learned about myself in all of this. It's not Why Do I Care?a question I have asked more than once on this blog. It's not even How did this happen? Thousands of people want to weigh in on that one. I woke up on Sunday and realized I had felt this way not once but much more than twice before. I won't say I felt numb. My lesson is akin to a scab or a scar. Some say that "failure is a great teacher." Maybe, but I think there might be more to said for experience. Let's try it out.
In "The Last Lecture," the late professor and author Randy Pausch said, “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”
As a Notre Dame fan, Saturday's loss oddly felt like an experience just two years prior. I brought my niece and God daughter to the home opener, as the Irish played an unranked team in Marshall University. We lost to the Thundering Herd 26-21. It was a painful pill to swallow in part because the Irish didn't play to their potential. We kept waiting for the Irish to wake up and play with urgency and accuracy. It never happened.
special memories somewhat tainted by the ND loss to Marshall...
I stood in the stands and realized I had been in this space before. It's always a bummer. It is never fun. In fact, it's almost exhausting. How? Why? Caring for someone or something demands something of us. But experience does too. It's earned out of showing up or being present. Experience puts things into perspective and has something to say. It reminds us that things will change—for the better and the worse. Are we not better for both?
This place of assurance has given me to pause to think of experience we can gain if we seek it out. A friend has identified several scenarios that and exercises where experience can be quite valuable. It's fun to consider and create. I encourage you to think of your own. Here are but a few...
Ask for a discount any time you make a purchase. For example, at Starbucks, just ask, Are you willing to lower the price? Would you consider a discount of 15%?
The majority of places will say "no." The more renown the company e.g. Starbucks, the less likely they are to say "yes." However, cultivating the habit of asking for a benefit—one that you would like but don't exactly need—neutralizes the sting of the word "no." Furthermore, you will be surprised. Some vendors will give you the discount. When you hear "Sure, I can do that" you've gotten much more than experience. That's a win.
I had a friend hang all of her college rejection letters on her door. I don't know if she used this for motivation to finish the semester with the best grades possible or not. She told me she just needed one congratulatory note. I started to wonder, if we can open up and share our disappointment, how might we live differently? Rejection does not have to equal dejection. Does rejection lose some of its power when made public? Can the experience of rejection lead to an increased appreciation for acceptance?!
Experience has certainly helped me when potential dates don't materialize. I don't take things as personally when I don't get called for a second date anymore. Though ghosting another person is rude—it can and does hurt—knowing that others share the experience softens the sting. Keep the faith, carry on and rub some dirt on it. Right?!
I have a few friends who went on hundreds of dates to meet their match. It's a numbers game. Experience helps.
Other thoughts?
I felt consolation when a friend at work who is also an Notre Dame alum checked in with me to talk about the loss. Breaking it open with another person who shares my sentiment is a gift. I feel no judgment. We stand in solidarity one with the other. I told him my realization: The good news is, this feeling isn't new to me. I know what to do." He responded, "I get it. I'm pleased to report what I see as personal progress. Ten years ago I wouldn't have gone out on Saturday night, but this year I did." Here's to experience.
We joked about experience and of course the maturity and perspective we have gained over the years. I did warn a friend who is part of a summer program that if she is going to commit to being a fan of Notre Dame, she is going to have to get used to disappointment. She will however gain a following that is loyal and passionate, invested and potentially overly optimistic. They have a whole lot of experience too. I'm grateful for most of them ;-) Photo Credits ND Triangle is from @NDChicks Randy Pausch
I begin each Sports and Spirituality class with prayer and a sports thought of the day. As much as I wanted to discuss the Irish win over the Aggies in College Station (Notre Dame 23 — Texas A&M 13) or the record set by Joey Chestnut who ate 86 hot dogs eaten in 10 minutes, (Unfinished Beef), I deferred to a topic very close to home that made national headlines: the shooting of the Forty Niners rookie wide receiver, Ricky Pearsall.
There are more pressing headlines to unpack, no doubt. But here are five reasons why my seniors and I believe this was an important matter to consider, reflect upon, pray over and learn more about.
1. The national narrative. The profile pic of San Francisco is the very first reason a number of my students thought this story was worth a class discussion. It's not easy to give this one a thumbs up either.
I have resided in San Francisco for the past twenty years. My mother grew up in the City and my Grandparents lived and died here. It is home. Growing up nearly 30 miles east, I didn't plan to live here this long, but the City of St. Francis has a hold on me. Like every city in the world, SF has changed. In many ways it has grown and changed for the better...but you will never hear that on television.
The story that is being told about the City by the Bay is that it is incredibly dangerous and utterly filthy. San Francisco is lawless and crime is everywhere. Unhoused people rule the roost and there are no consequences for breaking the law.
From time to time, it's not hard to believe that might be true. But, for those of us who live and work in San Francisco and love its 49 square miles, what we hear other people say and what the media prefers to show is the worst of the worst. Remember, this is our home. It is not a tourist trap. It is is not a suburb. Urban life is always demanding.
Nevertheless, narratives aren't easy to control, but San Franciscans want the current one to change. We have struggles. We need reform. And, we are not alone. I have yet to find a place that is perfect. I won't paint a Pollyanna picture, AND this story is a set-back.
2. Questioning coverage of the case. People have taken issue the fact that this story is getting extensive local and national coverage because it involves a high profile professional athlete. Noted. However, case like this one reminds all of us that violent crime can and does happen to anyone, at any time in the day, any where.
On Nextdoor.com I happened to run across the report of an attempted armed robbery at Alta Vista Park—one block from where I live—at 2:45 in the afternoon. The assault occurred in a very public area, in a well populated place—the Pacific Heights neighborhood for what purpose? A purse. My roommates and neighbors had not heard about this event.
The Pearsall shooting serves as a sad but important reminder that everyone must all be careful and pay attention to keep safe in public. We shouldn't need a reminder but we do. Pearsall's experience brought this to light.
3. Theodicy Erin Pearsall posted a heartfelt update about her son via X on social media. A devout Christian, she offered a beautiful testimony of God's grace. I appreciate her words of gratitude, humility and belief. And her message points to an important question we might ask in considering what happened.
Her son Ricky was shielded and spared; he survived. Thanks be to God. And yet, a question this prompts is one I cannot answer. Does God not shield or spare all people?Why do some survive? How is it that others go unprotected? The truth of tragedy of our takes on events present spiritual quagmires. One of them has a name: Theodicy.
Theodicy, (from Greek theos, “god”; dikē, “justice”), is the explanation of why a perfectly good, almighty, and all-knowing God permits evil and suffering.
In many cases, there are no answers. Humanity has wrestled with this "problem" forever and people of all faith traditions have turned to religion for insight and understanding. I recommend reading the Book of Job. This book of the Hebrew Scriptures/Old Testament speaks to the problem of evil and the attempt for human beings to understand God's ways. It's pure mastery...and frustration. We all live and move and have our being somehow, somewhere in between...
4. The importance of being good at what you do San Francisco police officer Sgt. Joelle Harrell ought to be commended for not only getting to the right place at the right time, but also for doing everything right. Though she said she wishes she could have been at the scene of the crime to prevent what had happened—"I happened to be at the other end of the street at that time, I got here as fast as I could. I got others here as fast as we could and everybody responded the way they should have. I couldn't be more grateful for that."
She spotted Pearsall and noticed that he was bleeding from his head and his chest. He was losing a lot of blood and sh
"I used my strong hand to cover it and used my other hand to cover the other wound," she said. "It was causing a lot of bleeding. I didn't want it to bother him. I wanted him to be calm."
Within seconds, she began trying to calm Pearsall and ask him for a description of the attempted robber. She said she then called for backup and broadcast the suspect's description over police radio.
They were able to catch the assailant. She was able to accompany Pearsall to the help he needed. Others in the area were made aware that SFPD, though short 500 officers does indeed have a positive and effective presence.
We need women and men to work in law enforcement and we need them to be good at what they do. They need our support, far beyond financial compensation. We all need to recognize the importance that comes with this work: a strong sense of mission and purpose as well as the affirmation that law enforcement keeps us safe, saves lives, and reduces crime. They must hold one another accountable and recognize how they can and do promote the flourishing of our cities, homes and neighborhoods. Again, this story serves as a reminder.
5. Life IS precious and precarious It is never easy to read about crime, let alone violent crime—including armed robbery in a place so close to home. When I read that Pearsall asked Sgt. Harrell, Am I gonna die?my eyes pooled with tears. His question speaks to the fear he must have felt.
Sgt. Harrell offered remarkable counsel. She recalled this interaction by reporting, "He looked at me...I said 'No,'" Harrell added, "I take off my hat because I wanted to make eye contact with him. I wanted him to hear me. I said to him, 'Listen, look at me. I know you don't know me, but I want you to trust me, it's not your time.'You're going to be okay. Okay? God is with us!"
Harrell's response came from a place of conviction: belief and faith in a God who is with us. Her words brought comfort and assurance that it was not his time. Obviously we don't know when it is. But when we ask that question— it's a gift that someone else can speak to it.
In 2010 when I had a major cardiac event, I was aware that I was in peril. The conversation between the EMTs and me came to a halt. Each person on the scene became very focused on how to address my heart and make sure I would stay alive.
At no point did I think I was going to die. I did not ask if I was because I felt an inner strength and awarness that it wasn't. I prayed the Hail Mary, as I always do when I am frightened or scared. I take comfort and assurance in Our Lady; I call on her to look over me. She did (as did my Grandma. A story for another time).
I don't know if Pearsall offered a prayer of his own or not, but I do know Sgt. Harrell did by her very words and actions. Living our prayers might be the best way to pray them.
In Closing This story raises a number of compelling questions. How will this event impact the mayoral election? How might each candidate speak to it differently? What is the proper punishment? Should the assailant be tried as an adult? How ought we best continue the conversation about guns? Why do we struggle to see the value of life? Does a person really have a sense of when it is their time? When it is not? How can help others to recognize God is always with us?
The author Matthew Kelly claims that we are not teaching young people how to think but what to think. I hope this example, among others is an exercise in thinking. This past week as we had a tragic school shooting in Georgia. This tragedy in addition to others certainl gets us thinking. That exercise ought to begin with raising the questions. They are worth asking and answering.
