What You Gain from a Notre Dame Loss....

As a Notre Dame fan, I have been through my fair share of losses. More than a few football losses come to mind. There are the devastating ones—Boston College 1993, the heartbreakers—Ohio State 2023, the debilitating defeats—Alabama in 2013 and menacing/questionable outcomes—Colorado in 1991. But a significant chapter of this story speaks to the terrible, shocking and inexcusable losses, such as the one handed to the Irish by the Huskies of Northern Illinois University on Saturday, September 7, 2024. 

Yes, ND was a 28 point favorite. Yes, we were coming off a big win over Texas A&M and ranked five in the nation. Yes, we paid NIU $1.4 to play the game. Yes, it was the home opener. Yes, they were unranked and kept us to all of two touchdowns. And yes there's a lesson I learned about myself in all of this. It's not Why Do I Care? a question I have asked more than once on this blog. It's not even How did this happen? Thousands of people want to weigh in on that one. I woke up on Sunday and realized I had felt this way not once but much more than twice before. I won't say I felt numb. My lesson is akin to a scab or a scar. Some say that "failure is a great teacher." Maybe, but I think there might be more to said for experience. Let's try it out.

In "The Last Lecture," the late professor and author Randy Pausch said, “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”

As a Notre Dame fan, Saturday's loss oddly felt like an experience just two years prior. I brought my niece and God daughter to the home opener, as the Irish played an unranked team in Marshall University. We lost to the Thundering Herd 26-21. It was a painful pill to swallow in part because the Irish didn't play to their potential. We kept waiting for the Irish to wake up and play with urgency and accuracy. It never happened. 

special memories somewhat tainted by the ND loss to Marshall...

I stood in the stands and realized I had been in this space before. It's always a bummer. It is never fun. In fact, it's almost exhausting. How? Why? Caring for someone or something demands something of us. But experience does too. It's earned out of showing up or being present. Experience puts things into perspective and has something to say. It reminds us that things will change—for the better and the worse. Are we not better for both?

This place of assurance has given me to pause to think of experience we can gain if we seek it out.  A friend has identified several scenarios that and exercises where experience can be quite valuable. It's fun to consider and create. I encourage you to think of your own. Here are but a few...

• Ask for a discount any time you make a purchase. For example, at Starbucks, just ask, Are you willing to lower the price? Would you consider a discount of 15%?
  
  The majority of places will say "no." The more renown the company e.g. Starbucks, the less likely they are to say "yes." However, cultivating the habit of asking for a benefit—one that you would like but don't exactly need—neutralizes the sting of the word "no." Furthermore, you will be surprised. Some vendors will give you the discount. When you hear "Sure, I can do that" you've gotten much more than experience. That's a win. 

• I had a friend hang all of her college rejection letters on her door. I don't know if she used this for motivation to finish the semester with the best grades possible or not. She told me she just needed one congratulatory note. I started to wonder, if we can open up and share our disappointment, how might we live differently? Rejection does not have to equal dejection. Does rejection lose some of its power when made public?  Can the experience of rejection lead to an increased appreciation for acceptance?!
  
  I kept this mental image in my mind when I received my first two rejections for the manuscript of my book Pray and Practice with Purpose: A Playbook for the Spiritual Development of Athletes. I didn't want to fill a door, but I knew those letters are evidence of a good faith effort to make publication possible.
  
  
• Experience has certainly helped me when potential dates don't materialize. I don't take things as personally when I don't get called for a second date anymore. Though ghosting another person is rude—it can and does hurt—knowing that others share the experience softens the sting. Keep the faith, carry on and rub some dirt on it. Right?!
  
  I have a few friends who went on hundreds of dates to meet their match. It's a numbers game. Experience helps.
  
  
• Other thoughts?
  
  
  

I felt consolation when a friend at work who is also an Notre Dame alum checked in with me to talk about the loss. Breaking it open with another person who shares my sentiment is a gift. I feel no judgment. We stand in solidarity one with the other. I told him my realization: The good news is, this feeling isn't new to me. I know what to do." He responded, "I get it. I'm  pleased to report what I see as personal progress. Ten years ago I wouldn't have gone out on Saturday night, but this year I did." Here's to experience.

We joked about experience and of course the maturity and perspective we have gained over the years. I did warn a friend who is part of a summer program that if she is going to commit to being a fan of Notre Dame, she is going to have to get used to disappointment. She will however gain a following that is loyal and passionate, invested and potentially overly optimistic. They have a whole lot of experience too. I'm grateful for most of them ;-) 

Photo Credits 
ND Triangle is from @NDChicks
Randy Pausch