Bowling Alone, Eating Alone: A Thanksgiving Day Reminder

The Pew Center for Applied Research reports that 74% of Americans will gather at the Thanksgiving table with other people. Approximately 5% will eat alone, many for reasons that are understandable—like work or travel. While those statistics speak to the practice of a national holiday, on the daily, 50% of Americans eat lunch alone—and at their desks. I would like this holiday to serve as a reminder of the importance of table fellowship and what is at stake when we eat alone. 

The Algonquin Round Table was a famous group of writers, critics, and actors who met
for lunch every day at the Algonquin Hotel in New York City during the 1920s

Harvard professor, political  scientist and the award winning author Robert Putnam wrote about the phenomena of bowling alone. In his book by the same name, he argues that American civic life has been declining since the 1960s. He reports that  while the number of people who bowl has increased, participation in bowling leagues has sharply decreased. In other words, people still do activities—they just do them more privately and less socially. More and more of us are bowling alone.

I would never think to bowl alone, but as the moderator of the S.I. bowling club, I have see people do just that. Solo bowlers usually have their AirPods in their ears as they quietly practice their game.

My friend Brook and I were talking about golfing alone during our round on Saturday. Neither of us is partial to it, though it’s not an unusual sight. For us, golfing solo feels compromises we enjoy about the game. This "long walk spoiled," is made enjoyable by the time in recreation  play, and even practice with others.

How we play and spend our leisure time is worth noticing and reflecting on—but so is how we share a meal. Bowling and golf are things we might choose to do in our “free time.” How we eat, where we eat, and with whom we eat are part of our daily lives, shaping our sense of connection and community—which is why the article from "YahooLife!" caught my attention.

Three-quarters of Americans who are employed by someone else do get a lunch break. About half of those people have paid lunch breaks, while half take lunch unpaid. In either case, the most common way that they spend their break is eating at their desk (50%). Just shy of 30% of workers go out for lunch on their own. 

During lunchtime, nearly half (44%) just eat, taking a break from screens and tasks to focus on their food. But 38% spend this time scrolling on their phones.

I read these stats and, although I wasn’t surprised, I felt disappointed. I shouldn’t have been—I live this reality. Even before my school began its major renovation, many of my colleagues regularly ate at their desks. Yes, our days are busy and our schedules are dictated by the bell, but I’ve always made a point of taking fifteen to twenty minutes to sit down and eat with my coworkers.

We have spirited conversations, dynamic ones. There are colleagues I look forward to talking to and others, well not so much. But, table fellowship is a fundamental for building community.

According to Elias, stepping away from your desk and sharing a meal is also good for your sense of connection to others. “When you’re enjoying something, even if it’s just a grilled cheese, in the company of other people enjoying things, it’s a kind of affirmation of your humanity,” she says. Eating together is a form of “community building in little ways,” Elias says, adding that it serves as a reminder that “we have something in common.”

We are nourished by much more than what the lunch room has to offer; we feed each other—with stories, comments and questions, jests and jokes. I miss out...we miss out by those who stay in their classroom or office. 

Today, I am certain that even more faculty and staff eat alone given that our wonderful faculty dining room is no more. When the Jesuit residence was torn down, this refuge for teachers—a house of hospitality for visitors that once lived in the Jesuit residence went with it. I have gone on record to say that the two things I care about most in our new building are the the chapel and the cafeteria/faculty dining space. I don't think these spaces are unrelated. Yes, classrooms are essential, but to underestimate either of those spaces is shortsighted.

In her book "Loyal Sons and Daughters: A Notre Dame Memoir," Sister Jean Lenz, OSF pays homage to a place where she regularly ate lunch and dinner—the Pay-Caf. She writes, 

Call it what you will –the Pay-Caf, the Oak Room, the legendary Oak Room, or the Night Oak–it was a public cafeteria situated between two student cafeterias in the South Dining Hall. This colorful eatery was where the university community intersected, mostly because of hunger for food and good company.

Pay-Caf gatherings and conversations at meal times made me more aware of what Father Hesburgh meant when I heard him speak on the quality of campus life. He insisted that a person could be admitted to Notre Dame, never attend class, and still emerge as an educated person four years later if he or she took advantage of the lectures conferences and other worthwhile activities outside the classroom and spend some time talking with professors and fellow students about their lives and interests.

I knew what Father Ted meant when I saw such professors as philosopher Joe Evans and English scholars Joe Duffy and his colleague Lou Nickelson, from out of the pages of Beowulf, hold court regularly at Pay-Caf tables. These were men who left long-standing impressions in the lives of those they taught.

One of the large round tables turned into what are referred to as The Algonquin table, a takeoff on the famed table of the same name in the New York Hotel, where you would never sit down unless invited. I never realize that this big table had that reputation. Actually, it was a storytelling table. One Sunday morning Jim Murphy, who was in charge of the crowd control in the Joyce Center, invited me to bring my tray to that table and in the process coaxed a Farley Hall story for me. It paid my table membership fee.

There were a number of good readers that gathered at that table who opened up worlds of discussion and storytelling on various topics including Notre Dame and South Bend politics, changes in the church, new books, movies, and sports. 

How I would love to sit at that fabled storytelling table—or at least be close enough to listen in. I’ve sat at enough dining hall tables, especially in places like the Oak Room, to know that good conversation, silliness, and laughter are contagious.

There’s a saying that "Jesuit education happens at tables." And although Notre Dame is run by the Congregation of Holy Cross, I think Father Ted would agree.

For those who are remain unconvinced, "it’s healthier to have a break from work and take your time while eating, rather than rushing through lunch. Though it may sound counterintuitive, research suggests that taking breaks at work can boost productivity (and well-being)."  Upon reading that information, I realized that although I break for lunch, I don't so much as even pause for breakfast. What has been deemed "the most important meal of the day" is one I actually eat while driving. That's a terrible habit. 

I look back fondly on the six to eight men—my former coworkers at St. Francis High School—who gathered every morning at 7:00 a.m. for something far richer than toast or cereal. Their daily coffee klatch, their own personal Pay-Caf, nourished more than hunger. It fed joy, friendship, and the bonds that form when people choose to sit down together.

That’s what gathering at a table with others can do. I hope your Thanksgiving meal offers the same.

Photo Credits

The Alogonquin Table
Bowling Alone
Oak Room
Stat Chart

Admiral Chris Grady asks Graduates: What Would You Fight For? His Answer? Trust and Truth

After listening to Derek Jeter’s commencement address at the University of Michigan, I started wondering which other sports legends—past and present—might be speaking to the Class of 2025. As it turns out, this year’s lineup is impressive: Simone Biles (Washington University—St. Louis), Mia Hamm (University of North Carolina—Chapel Hill), Katie Ledecky (Stanford University), Carmelo Anthony (Syracuse University), and A.J. Brown (Ole Miss), to name just a few. Who would you want to hear?

I’m not sure why a search like this hasn’t been a regular part of my work in Sports and Spirituality. Every year, I check to see where the President is speaking—this year, it's the University of Alabama—and I never miss Notre Dame’s commencement. I’ve written about athletes like Roger Federer, Harrison Butker, and Haley Scott DeMaria when they’ve crossed my radar. From now on, a full search will be part of the routine.

When I read that Admiral Christopher Brady '84 was speaking to the Notre Dame Class of 2025, I took note. As an alum and Vice Chairman and Acting Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, I understood why the graduation committee asked him to give the address. With 41 years in the Navy, he said "I have been forged by the sea. But it really started right here — I believe I was forged at Notre Dame first." While a career in the armed forces is much different than one as a professional athlete, I had to wonder Would he? Could he? make a connection to Sports and Spirituality? I am pleased to report that he did. He was inspiring, interesting and his words still sit with me.

Like many speakers, Adm. Grady sought to create a connection with his audience. As someone who once sat in their shoes (albeit not inside Notre Dame Stadium, but the Joyce Athletic Convocation Center) he asked the graduates to pledge their allegiance. While choosing between South vs. North dining hall isn't new material, when he asked the class to declare Who is our number one rival: Ohio State? Clemson? Michigan? or USC? I was utterly delighted in by their response. Go Irish. Beat Trojans (we did). He made reference to all the sports I would need. So what of spirituality?

Grady said that "trust is a precious commodity." I heard those words and the spirit moved me. I leaned in. I listened hard. He said, 

As a young officer, I learned that building and maintaining trust is essential to effective leadership, and that trust is built on a commitment to truth.

When I took command for the first time, I quickly learned that trust is a precious commodity.

First-time captains, as with any leader, have to learn to trust those around them, because no person can do it all, especially on a warship with over 300 people.

And first-time captains, especially, have to get over themselves as the only answer.

For me that came from trusting my command master chief, the ship’s senior enlisted sailor, who pulled me aside and said, “Look, captain, you’re good, but we can be great as a team if you trust the crew … we will speak truth to power if you let us.”

Now, we can debate whether trust is given or earned. But I can tell you trust is difficult to maintain, easy to lose, and — once lost — nearly impossible to get back.

And trust is built through the ruthless commitment to and pursuit of truth.

We ask, “What would you fight for?” and I answer, “truth” — truth is worth fighting for.

During every football game, the University runs an ad that asks that questions: What would you fight for? Students and professors share stories of their work, study, preoccupations that they find worth fighting for. Past responses have been: religious liberty, our country's mental health crisis, rare diseases and education reform. No part of their quest exists without trust and truth. It's integral to the fight.

As much as I love athletes and their contributions to society—art, entertainment, joy and awe, I was humbled by the work of Admiral Grady. Jeter spoke of failing his rookie season. It was challenging; it was real. But adversity, challenge and even failure have a different face in the Navy. He said, 

In my line of work, that means that no plan survives first contact with the enemy.

My best days in command were not when everything went right, but when things went wrong, and the crew — the team — responded.

Like on a beautiful day off the coast of Bahrain when a routine voyage was interrupted by a catastrophic engineering failure, and the crew responded safely, expertly and swiftly.

Or when I was a strike group commander and we had to adjust to changing enemy tactics as we sent the air wing over the beach during the fight against ISIS.

The enemy was a learning adversary, but we learned and adapted faster.

You must do the same.

I turned to my friend and said "he just dropped ISIS on us. Not sure it gets more real than that." Or should I say truthful.

Though graduation speeches can be controversial, formulaic, biased and limited—I learn something from every one of them. At Notre Dame, we have the privilege of a second speech—from the the recipient of the Laetare Medal. This address is 100% spiritual in nature. It is the most prestigious award given to American Catholics by the University of Notre Dame in recognition of outstanding service to the Catholic Church and society. It had been conferred on saints, selfless leaders, men and women in religious life, lay people and more. This year's honoree—Kerry Alys Robinson is the president and chief executive officer of Catholic Charities USA. She spoke a lot of sports, especially football.

I had to wonder if next year, the University might recognize a priest from the South Side of Chicago who has become the first American Pope. Stay tuned and rest assured I will let you know. It's part of my routine.

Blessings to the Class of 2025, to Admiral Grady and Kerry Robinson and all those who have helped these graduates and honorees in their search for truth and in building trust. Go Irish.

Photo Credits
Coach Free
Commencement Speaker

What a "Deep Cut" Reveals

As we waited for the next session of the retreat to begin, I glanced at a sophomore I didn’t know. He was wearing a "God, Country, Notre Dame" Under Armour t-shirt.

“It’s Henry, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Did your mom or dad go to Notre Dame?”

“No.”

“Oh, the reason I ask is because of the shirt you’re wearing. That one seems legit. Where did you get it?”

“I ordered it online from the bookstore,” he said.

“Huh. Well, it’s not unusual to see people wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt or tee—look at Mark, for example. That shirt could’ve come from any store. But yours? To me, that’s sort of an insider’s pick.”

Another teacher nearby chimed in, “Ah yes, a deep cut.”

“Deep cut?” I asked.

He explained, “Deep cuts are usually early songs by an artist—tracks that might be less popular or well-known than others on the same album.”

“I love that,” I said. “Springsteen fans know a legion of deep cuts—the B-sides, the songs he let other artists record that became hits. His 1999–2000 reunion tour even centered around many of them, blending Tracks with the classics. And as Boss fans know, Tracks 2 is set to drop on June 27. Deep cut city!”

Whether it's a song, a reference to a book or movie or an article of clothing, deep cuts (which has its own entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary) offer two insights into our humanity: authenticity and identity.

Identity
What someone believes, where they grew up, who they root for, and what they value—these all shape our sense of identity. We come to understand ourselves and others through these frameworks.

Phrases like “born and raised Catholic,” “Bills Mafia member,” “C & E Christian,” or “I bleed blue and gold” are common in both spiritual and sports communities. People aren’t shy about waving their flag, singing Hallelujah, or spending Sundays with their faith community or favorite franchise. Many of us want to be known by our tribes and traditions. It connects us. Sometimes it divides us. But it always reveals something fundamental.

Whether it’s a rare alumni sweatshirt or the belief that “lifelong Cubs fan” should be etched on a tombstone—identity matters.

Of course, our lens of identity can shift over time—as it should. Life isn’t static. A recent Notre Dame Magazine article titled "Out of Practice" Ken Woodward (a Notre Dame alum and former Newseek religion editor and Christian Smith—a sociologist on campus. 

KW: Readers like me, who came of age in the 1950s, will surely argue that there are other, stronger reasons for being religious. One would be group identity. “This is my crowd. These are my people.” Does traditional religion no longer provide group identity?

CS: For some people, it clearly does, but I think it’s more challenging now to get an identity from religion than it used to be. The boundaries are more porous. People are involved in many other communities. The internet has opened up people to the entire world. So, it’s still there, but it’s just less effective and clear.

KW: Would you say that other identities have superseded this? “I’m female.” “I’m LGBTQ.”

CS: Yes, exactly. The rise of identity politics. If you look at what people think matters for being a good American or for having a strong personal identity, very few younger generations are going to say, “I’m Catholic” or “I’m Jewish” or something like that. It’ll be much more around sex, gender, political affiliation. 

While not true for all Irish fans, wearing a Notre Dame deep cut often signals that “Catholic” is—or was—part of one’s identity. But it can also open the door to broader conversations: Midwest roots? Working class? First-gen college student? Irish or Polish heritage? Football fan?

For example, when I saw a student wearing a particular IRISH sweatshirt, I had to ask her about it. That sweatshirt (and its gray-with-navy-lettering sibling) was practically a uniform for my classmates and me in the ’90s. A deep cut like that brought back memories—shopping at the old Hammes Bookstore, bumping into dorm mates. Turns out, her dad was two years ahead of me. “He lived in Grace Hall,” she said. Another identity marker.

Authenticity
I haven’t studied identity politics or sociology in depth, but I do know this: once we begin to understand identity, we start asking questions about authenticity.

We want to know what’s real. We crave it. We want to be known—truly known—for our passions, our loyalties, our roots. Some people hold 30-year season tickets. Others reminisce about the old ballparks, long gone. We stake our pride on those loves. And we should.

That’s also why we’ve developed language for what isn’t authentic—terms like bandwagon fan or fair-weather follower. And this is where deep cuts come in.

Owning or recognizing a deep cut implies history, loyalty, and pride. It’s the T-shirt version of “I was here before it was cool.” It’s literal—people wear it on their sleeves. And it’s encoded. Not everyone gets it. That’s the point. I’m not usually a fan of the acronym IYKYK, but in this case? It fits.

For example, I once saw George Kittle and other 49ers wear a specific shirt in press conferences. I found it online and wore it to the gym. My friend Greg, a San Francisco native, saw it and said, “I love those. They used to be practice shirts. We had so many they became rags.” I told him those “rags” now sell for $199 to $299 on eBay.

For some, that’s a small price to pay to be seen as an authentic Niners fan. And given the team’s last-place finish in the NFC West this year (6–11), that shirt may speak louder now than it did after Super Bowl LVIII. IYKYK.

In conclusion, one of my favorite sweaters is a navy cardigan with the university logo on the patch. They gave them to us at graduation. I kept mine—and I wonder how many of my classmates did the same. When people compliment it, I get to tell the story.

Yes, Notre Dame is a big part of my identity. And no one who knows me questions whether I’m an authentic fan—of the Irish, the Giants, the Niners, the Warriors—or an authentic follower of my faith. These aren’t just labels. They’re deep cuts. All have been called in to question for both discussion and defense. Each one matters to me.

Photo Credits
Niners shirt
UVA Hat
ND Sweatshirt
Bills Mafia
Win Flag

Welcome to Advent: Spiritual Tools Required

A number of my good friends love the holy season of Advent. Truly, it is a beautiful time in the Church. Perhaps the darkness outside makes the light of candles inside shine brighter. It is hard not to find simple joy in the timeless elegance of the Advent wreath and the blue vestments of the priest. When I hear "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" I feel connected to the past—one that has not always been easy or joyful—much like today. And yet, as much as I want to laud this time of preparation, I am slightly conflicted. We are waiting.... waiting...and that is something some of us do better than others. I take the reminders Jesus gave in the Gospel to heart: “Be watchful! Be alert!" It's not a time to rest easy. Indeed, we are called to ready our hearts and our homes for the coming of Christ. This isn't without some effort or frustration.

Sam Grewe, senior track and field athlete and U.S. Paralympian—who I have profiled before—knows a thing or two about frustration. His prosthetic leg requires care and regular maintenance. He has no choice but to "be watchful" and pay attention to its upkeep; this is an important perspective for me to hear.

Sports and Spirituality is always happy to hear when a sporting venue is named as a sacred space. I was thrilled that he identified Loftus Sports Center and intrigued that an equipment room in particular was where he took us—anyone who signs up for the post on Notre Dame's Daily Advent Journey. 

Grewe said, “This is a place that I go to access tools and support staff to repair my prosthetic leg during practices and competitions … When I use the equipment room to repair my leg, I feel frustrated at first because other competitors don’t have to deal with these problems. But that feeling quickly turns to gratitude. Gratitude for access to the resources that I need and for the support of the community around me.” 

I can only imagine the frustration he must feel. I appreciate his honesty, self awareness and his realization. And, I have to believe those difficult spaces are portals for God's grace. I suppose that is true for the season of Advent too—there is beauty and there is waiting, anticipation and expectation.

As Sam spoke, I was struck by the sight of a crucifix on the wall. I wouldn't expect a reminder of Jesus' sacrifice to hang in such a simple, common space.  Truly it is a reminder to be grateful for His gift. No wonder Grewe's frustration turns to gratitude. 

Grewe added, "This space is sacred to me because it reminds me that our conditions of body and spirit are always in motion. Whatever brokenness we encounter in our lives does not ultimately define us. Instead, what defines us is how we respond to these challenges. There have been times in my life when challenges could not be fixed with a set of physical tools and I think this is the case for all of us."

"And so when I go the Loftus equipment room and I feel the satisfaction of fixing my leg, I'm able to reflect back on a long journey of gathering the spiritual tools I've needed to overcome cancer and thrive—as a person and a competitor with a prosthetic leg."

This Advent, let us ask: What tools does this season offer us to feel a greater sense of wholeness in our lives with one another and with God? 

An Open Letter to the University of Notre Dame Student Body re: COVID-19

At noon today, a friend informed me that Father Jenkins, President at the University of Notre Dame was hosting a press conference. I expected an announcement about football and instead I came to learn the following. 

Father John said

"We have seen a dramatic increase in the number of positive cases of COVID-19 in your first weeks back on campus. After a .03% positive rate for our testing before students returned to campus, just 33 positives for nearly 12,000 tests, we've now had 147 positive cases at our testing site on campus. The spike in cases is very serious, and we must take serious steps to address it," said Jenkins Tuesday evening. "Upon receiving recent results, we began to make plans to send you home and continue instruction online as we did last spring. However, with the advice and encouragement of Dr. Mark Fox, we have decided to take steps short of sending students home, at least for the time being, while protecting the health and safety of the campus community. For at least the next two weeks, we will move undergraduate classes to remote instruction, close public space on campus, and restrict residence halls to residents only. Off-campus students should remain in your residences off-campus, associate with housemates only, and not come to campus for this period. We must be diligent in wearing masks, keeping distance, washing hands and completing the daily health check. We previously set a limit for any gathering at 20 people. The limit now will be 10 people, always wearing masks and maintaining physical distance. The objective of these temporary restrictions is to contain the spread of the virus so that we can get back to in-person instruction. If these steps are not successful, we will have to send students home, as we did last spring. 

Please take care of yourself and others by carefully following our health protocols and challenge friends and classmates to do the same. The virus is a formidable foe. For the past week, it has been winning. Let us, as the Fighting Irish, join together to contain it. We ask as always, for the intercession of Notre Dame, Our Lady, and for God's help. 

Many people have said  "it was just a matter of time" and that it was "bound to happen." My sentiments, however, are different.  You and I might not agree, but based on what I have learned, I believe this is what the student body must do. And so I write this post as an open letter to the student body—the men and women who say "we are ND."

Yes, I am disappointed. No, I do not think the University was arrogant or "dumb" to have students return to campus in early August for in-person classes. Indeed, I am angry at the students who ignored norms and protocols that we all must follow. Truly, sadness filled my heart for over 11,000+ students who remain healthy and hopeful for a semester on campus. But, if I believe in Notre Dame and its student body in the way I say that I do—or at least want to—I can't sit with cynicism. Pointing fingers leaves me nowhere. Now is not the time to assume anything. I reviewed the decisions of the University and I stand behind the leadership. AND I want Notre Dame to live up to its name. Yes we are the Fighting Irish, but the motto of the Alumni Association speaks even louder to me. And as an alumna, I want students to know what we have been challenged to be: A Force for Good.

As an educational institution and a community of faith, students are called to make great sacrifices in the days and weeks ahead. As a Christian, this task is not unfamiliar to me. For the sake of the common good, the greater good—and at this point me own good!—I am willing to put the needs of others before mine. I must die to self so that others may live. The leadership at the University has made this call loud and clear, it is for the students to shoulder and share the same burden. 

Most people I know do not think this is remotely possible. While it may be unlikely for young men and women to forgo social events, people and places that require self-discipline and intentionality, this two-week window has been offered as an opportunity to demonstrate that what you have been afforded is worth fighting for. I have always believed if you ask little of young people, you will get it. While you never want to set the bar impossibly high, when we set it low...the results speak for themselves. Maybe we need to be very specific. Continuing to engage in the hook-up culture, binge drinking, and partying can and will lead to a semester in San Francisco and not South Bend. 

Truth be told, South Bend is a reason you have been able to return to classes and campus, period. Matt Fortuna of The Athletic said, "Here's the thing about Notre Dame: For the most part, it's been proactive with everything related to COVID-19.Small campus. Smart people. Brought students back early. Transparent (see the dashboard). It's the closest thing to a bubble that exists among FBS schools. And yet... " that bubble isn't totally impenetrable. 

For years, I have heard alumni speak of what it means to be a Notre Dame man. According to the Wall Street Journal, "The rash of cases has been linked to at least two off-campus parties, and the majority of students testing positive are senior undergraduates, mostly male, said school spokesman Paul Browne." I am certain when Father Hesburgh referred to an alum as a Notre Dame man, he was not referring to an individual who put others are risk. A Notre Dame man does not recklessly pursue his own whims and desires above the needs of others. I encourage the men of Notre Dame to wear that mantle and honor the legacy of the Notre Dame men who have gone before you. Step it up and make better decisions.

As a member of the Notre Dame Women Connect board, I would like to give more thought and promote what it means to be a Notre Dame woman. I have a strong sense that this ideal means that we look to Our Lady. She exhibited great strength of mind and heart to carry her Son, Our Lord amidst controversy and confusion. She stood by him even as he carried his cross. She was the first disciple; she is the greatest of all saints. I urge the women of Notre Dame to look to Mary as a model of strength and courage in the days and weeks ahead.

I am a high school teacher and an athletic director. I want nothing more than to be with students and to have them be with one another for their educational, spiritual, social and emotional well being. Wearing a mask, keeping socially distant, regularly washing hands and forgoing (college) norms are a small price to pay for the alternative, which we do not have this quarter and most likely this semester at St. Francis High School, where I work. Furthermore, as an educator, I am always in need of examples and exemplars. My message, belief and hopes have efficacy when I can point to those who have been a Force for Good by making the right decisions. We need you; I need you to show the world we can be different....and not because of empty promises or self-ordained prophecies...but rather because of thoughtful and careful choices.

In two weeks time, I might be wrong. This might be too idealistic. I have learned to let go and trust the powers that decide was is best for all. That being said, whether or not you identify as a Catholic Christian, or understand what it means to be a Notre Dame man or a Notre Dame woman, you have been asked "What would you fight for?" You have cheered "We are ND!" Now is the time to model the mission of the University you will one day call alma mater. I hope and pray you and your teachers stay healthy in body and spirit. You are in my prayers as is the leadership who has hope we truly might be a Force for Good in a world that needs it.

Post Script: It might be selfish on my part, but I needed to write this letter as much as I want students to read it. I stand behind my belief in the administration and in my hope for students. Someone has to believe in them, and so let it be me. Perhaps that is what it means to be a Notre Dame Woman....

I realize that no part of me wanting to change the virus can or does change it. And yet, this community showed up to campus testing 99.7% negative (yes, we are people of privilege!). That was inspiring to me.

Students already make high risk decisions all the time. I shudder when I think of my own irresponsible behavior with alcohol as an undergrad. Furthermore, the number of asymptomatic cases (Fauci has said between 20% to 40%...as high as 45%) makes this a tough part of the equation. What is at stake has not changed, it’s just that much more pressing... And to a large degree, though not entirely, it is in the hands of students now. In the meantime, my hands are held in prayer for the administration who has done more work than anyone will ever realize to get this semester off the ground and for students to help one another. Thank you. Anne Stricherz '96, Farley Hall

Photo Credits
Students on campus
Jenkins
ND Women Connect
Force for Good

Coach Muffet McGraw's: Want your kids to thrive? Let them fail

The Huddle, located in LaFortune Hall—a building that once served as the student center of campus—is adorned by some of Notre Dame's most iconic imagery. In the very heart of the building, hangs the black and white photo of Father Hesburgh beside Martin Luther King, Jr., their arms interlocking as they sing and pray. Irish Impact: capturing the goal line stand at the 1992 Snow Bowl, became THE poster that hung in every dorm room from my era. This photographic gem can be seen near the north entrance. Take note of the 1988 National Championship team photo on the east wing and the names of the student body and senior class presidents by year on the west one (how fitting!). As I passed through LaFortune on my last visit to campus, I thought to myself, these walls speak for themselves. Irish history is rich, our traditions are strong and the victories are many. We have great athletes, facilities and coaches to thank. Accordingly one wall—one of my favorites—features profile pictures of the head coaches of men's and women's sports, both past and present. And all but one of those images has remained the same since my time as an undergraduate, even 22+ years later: the photo of Coach Muffet McGraw.

Take one glance at this 8" x 10" black and white and you will notice McGraw's energy, passion and dogged spirit. She is the winningest coach in Irish athletics. She is also a recent contributor to a CNN Opinion piece entitled "Want your kids to thrive? Let them fail." Having served as a coach for 41 years, she is also a wife and mother. If her background and experience don't give her enough credibility to write this piece, perhaps two national championships and tenure of 31 years at Notre Dame do. I encourage you to read the piece here, and now.

As I read it, I had to wonder why Coach McGraw would lend her voice to this particular conversation. I thought, What is she going to add that I haven't already read or thought about. I don't know of a person out there who praises "everyone gets a trophy because participation is valued more than performance" culture surrounding youth sports, yet I don't know many parents that want it to change at the expense of their son or daughter #theRealMVP?! Can Coach's words really make a difference? Here's my thought.

I have met Coach McGraw two times. In both encounters, I felt as though I had about 2.5 seconds to get my message or words out of my mouth. The woman is a spit fire, go-getter. She doesn't waste time, she doesn't mince words. For example, she captures what parents once said rather unapologetically. It's very clear she too believes that athletes are "lucky to be going to school for free." Yes, they are, I just don't seem to hear that tenor of the conversation from parents/many coaches today. She wrote this piece because she has something to say and my sense is because she wants this message to be heard. It must be pressing; it's undeniably important.

McGraw knows championships and victories, but she really does know "disappointment, adversity and failure."When the Notre Dame women's basketball team won their second national championship this past April, I was SO happy for—yes, the players/team, of course my alma mater but most especially for Coach McGraw. She has taken teams--great teams to the Final Four eight times, and the Championship game six of those eight times. There were years the Irish collapsed, went cold and met bad luck. Other years, they got beaten, fair and square. Coach McGraw has always represented Notre Dame in the wake of those defeats with class and aplomb. She is perhaps one of our best ambassador: for the University, for women's athletics and the game of basketball.

I know for a fact how much is burns Coach McGraw to lose. But I also believe her when she writes "Competing and giving it your best shot, that's the point. Learning the value of a great work ethic, and never giving up -- that's the point. It teaches you that life isn't fair and just because you go to practice every day doesn't mean you will get to play in the game." Just look to the 2018 team—a group that lost 4 starters to injury. Several woman got in the game that might not have otherwise. The whole really is greater than the sum of its parts.

I completely agree with Coach McGraw's advice on how to handle adversity: "Let them figure out for themselves that even if they're not the best player on the team, their role is still important." Our job is to create a community and environment where they can ask how to contribute and determine what is the need—what are we lacking. We owe young people honest answers, even if this is hard to say and we fear their response. We ought to praise good effort and staying with the struggle. Affirm integrity. Model humility. Laugh and smile. Always, always keep it real.

I would like to ask Coach McGraw a few questions of my own.

• How do you help your players develop mental toughness, a quality you see lacking in todays' athletes?
• As a college coach, what is your relationship—if any—with parents (past and present). What should it be? What would you like for it to be? 
• How have you helped those players who are struggling value being a small part of something big? Is that something you can teach?
• How do you help your players understand their role on the team in conventional and unconventional ways?
• What was the toughest lesson you learned from disappointment, adversity and failure? What is the best?

Thank you, Coach for all you have and continue to teach your players, students, alumni and fans—both on the court and off of it....especially Easter Sunday, 2018. Go Irish!

Photo Credits
Nets

International Women's Day: Meet Coach Muffet McGraw

Today, International Women's Day is "a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women." I would like to take the opportunity of IWD to:

1. celebrate the example of one female coach and 
2. continue my call and quest for more female coaches...and how these might be related.

If I were to create Mt. Rushmore of coaches at the University of Notre Dame, it would be utterly incomplete without the face of Coach Muffet McGraw. Coach McGraw now in her 31st season with the Irish has a stellar record of 765-227 (.771) and one national championship title to her name. As written on the ND website

McGraw's post at Notre Dame was further enhanced on Feb. 16, 2015, when one of her former players, point guard Karen (Robinson) Keyes ('91) and her husband, Kevin, made a $5 million gift to their alma mater to endow its head women's basketball coaching position, now known as the Karen and Kevin Keyes Family Head Women's Basketball Coach. It's also believed to be the largest endowment gift of its kind in NCAA women's basketball history, as well as the first endowed coaching position of any sort in Notre Dame athletics history. 

According to the International Women's Day's website, March 8, also "marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity." This distinction for both the position of coaching at Notre Dame and to Coach McGraw was made possible through the ardent efforts of the Advancement Office of Irish Athletics (under the Development Office) What a wonderful way to advance IWD's cause.

The accolades on the coaching profile webpage for Muffet McGraw are prolific. On one hand, words cannot capture what she is and has been as a coach, a mentor and a face for women's hoops. The page opens with her record, her tenure, and the following:
"If we searched for an entire year. I don't think we would find anyone better suited for our program."

With those words, former Notre Dame director of athletics Gene Corrigan announced the hiring of Muffet McGraw as the third head coach of the Fighting Irish women's basketball program on May 18, 1987. Corrigan may not have realized it at the time, but he also ushered in an era of unparalleled success in women's basketball at Notre Dame, brought to life on the shoulders of a 5-foot-6 dynamo who accepts nothing less than the very best from herself, her players and her program. Ask anyone familiar with women's basketball about Muffet McGraw and her Notre Dame program and inevitably, you'll hear the same two words -- consistency and excellence. And it's no wonder, when you consider what McGraw and the Fighting Irish have achieved in the past 30 seasons: 

With all due respect to Mr. Corrigan, I think "an entire year" is an understatement. They would not have found the likes of McGraw in a lifetime. However, if it's up to Coach McGraw they can and they will again.

Every level of basketball--from high school on up to the league now has upwards of four, six or eight coaches on staff. Though puzzling to me, I know that each coach has his or her specialty and purpose. Unlike many womens' D1 sports program, all seven coaches associated with Notre Dame women's basketball team are female. This is not a new trend. Many are former players. Some are moms, others are wives, partners etc. In the past, some have left to become head coaches; others will in the future. This attribute ought to be linked to the legacy of Coach Muffet McGraw.

At Notre Dame, we already have a Grotto, a Golden Dome, two lakes--not one, and the best fight song in all of collegiate sports. The campus--the flora and fauna, the grounds, the architecture is resplendent in its beauty. Artwork and statues enhance the aesthetic and find their own way of telling the story that is Notre Dame. 

For example, outside of the Hesburgh Library, the imposing and prophetic Moses stands strong. He led the Israelites to freedom...and he calls attention to the fact we are number one. Father William Corby, two-time President of Notre Dame was also chaplain to the Union Army. He is captured blessing the Irish Brigade in the American Civil War. On game day, Irish faithful refer to him as "First Down Corby." Our Lady stands on top of the Golden Dome, outside of the Basilica of the Sacred Heart (as the protector of unborn children) and adjacent to the Alumni Welcome Center with her cousin Elizabeth. "The Visitation," designed by Holy Cross Priest, Father Austin Collins, signifies pilgrimage and journey, welcome and hospitality. On a daily basis, alumni, parents, fans, and tourists travel to South Bend, Indiana to visit what can only be seen, heard, touched and felt at Notre Dame. Making a sincere case for a Mt. Rushmore of our coaches would be futile. However, on International Women's Day, I would like to call attention to the fact were we to create such a monument, the Mt. Rushmore of Coaches of the Fighting Irish would include one woman among the four faces. And, her career is not yet over—the best, may be yet to come. Thank you, Coach McGraw, for your example, for sharing your gifts and for the legacy have created and are living!. 

Photo Credits

The Fan Experience: Worth Considering

I take fandom seriously. If fans could take vows, I would probably offer mine to Notre Dame athletics: in good times and in bad, in sickness (or injury) and in health. You get the point.

I realize that being a fan means different things to different people, but I demonstrate mine by showing up when the Irish come to town. Hence, I am always a little surprised when people ask me if I am going to see the football team play when they come to town every other Thanksgiving weekend. I live 2500 miles from campus and 25 from Stanford's; I can't imagine not going to the game. On one level, the question is a non-question; my answer never varies. Yes, I will be there. For the first time in my 20+ year loyalty, I'm not so sure. 

The Stanford Cardinal defeated Notre Dame 38-20 on Saturday, November 25  in what was the final regular season game of the 2017 season. I left upset about the loss, but probably, even more disappointed? troubled? disturbed by the fan experience inside Stanford stadium. I can't say what I experienced was offensive, disrespectful or rude. In fact, nothing a Stanford fan or the Univesity did was inconsiderate or inappropriate (which, given the history of their band has not always been true). No, it's what Stanford didn't do that raised questions, has given me pause for consideration of how to express my loyalty to the Irish in the future.

In his book "The Joy of Sports" Michael Novak has described football as one of the three great American public liturgies (baseball and basketball are the other two). Liturgy in a religious sense gathers a community for the purpose of public worship that invokes participation, call and response, watching, listening, making time for silence, praise, worship, and song. Liturgy is framed by ritual and tradition; it is a celebration and it is timely. It's not difficult to understand how this concept applies to sport. 

Finishing the season 9-3, fans continue to raise questions about Coach Kelly

Collegiate and professional sports are orchestrated by ritual and traditions, too. Many are shared throughout the country and others are unique to each institution and organization. This is one reason that fans love to travel to see their team on the road. I have loved seeing Notre Dame play at Texas, LSU, University of Washington and even Rutgers. Nothing beats winning in enemy territory. It's fun interacting with the enemy and taking in the many ways they reveal their allegiance by donning certain colors, participating in their own unique calls and responses i.e. cheers and more. This notion of the liturgy, however, was vacant at Stanford.

Within the first ten minutes of the game (not on the official game clock), I turned to my friend and asked if we were at a pop concert. Would a football game break out? I have never been to a sporting event with so much music inundating the airwaves. It was incessant and prevented me from hearing anything on the field. I have written about the importance of silence on this blog many times and I found the total lack of it offensive. I had difficulty focusing on football because the music, totally unrelated to the game was so loud. Football is not a silent game. There is the sound of hitting, tackling, whistles blowing, fans reacting, clapping, and yelling. I want to hear the masses cheering and jeering. Please, no more Meghan Trainor.

I hate this band...but, damn it if I don't respect them.

I have never totally understood Stanford's infamous marching band. They delight in being different, but their impact is anemic. I can't stand USC's fight song— it's hard for me to like much about USC—but I recognize their band is impressive. They accomplish what they aim to do, set the tone for the men who are going to war on the gridiron. They entertain their fans during halftime and during the game itself, their music carries a cadence that increases fan engagement. Cheerleaders work in concert with the band, as they should. I might be wrong, but Stanford's cheerleaders seemed divorced from the Dancing Tree et al.

The pageantry and the rituals of college football are simply the icings on the cake of a great American liturgy, but the real "work of the people" is the game itself. Stanford beat us. They capitalized on every one of our mistakes. They stopped the run and covered our receivers. They deserve congratulations for converting, for being up when we were down. But honestly, this is something I could easily watch and experience on television. I could probably hear the actual game better, I could have saved $160 which is the face value of the ticket (more expensive than my USC at ND ticket). Call me an unsavvy shopper—I enjoyed sitting in a group with my friends—but that much for the fan experience I had is imprudent.

The late Michael Novak helped me understand the liturgy of football a little more. In the introduction, he spoke about the voice of Monday Night Football's Howard Cosell. He wrote, 

Howard challenged me to prove football is more than just mere entertainment, means more to us than entertainment, elates or depresses us more than entertainment, affects us more deeply. Entertainment is what occurs at halftime when you get up to go to the bathroom or to buy a hotdog. Entertainment is what you see on a television above the bar in a hotel far from home when no one is paying attention. Football is what makes the people are around the same bar silent, reverent, elated or despondent as the last quarter brings on the game's climactic moments. —Joy of Sports

Call me sour grapes for letting the entertainment get in the way of the football. And if I was Stanford fan, I might see things differently. But the liturgy isn't to be underestimated. It frames the source of the reason we gather, and well, some do it much better than others. I invite any Stanford fan to come to Notre Dame to compare and contrast.

Will I show up two years from now? Given my vows, I think the answer is probably "yes." However, when people ask me that question in the future: Are you going to see the Irish play this weekend? My answer isn't necessarily a given "yes." Staying committed to someone or something is a choice we are always making, affirming and doing. The fan experience at Stanford helped me appreciate that a little more. 

Photo Credits
USC band
EQ

My 10 Minutes with Coach Brian Kelly

I honestly think one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person is your undivided attention. My ten-minute conversation at the inaugural Notre Dame Family wines event and dinner with Brian Kelly, head football coach for the Fightin' Irish, affirmed my belief.

My friend Steve and I talked to Coach Kelly about everything and nothing in particular. But reflecting back on it now, I realize we exchanged ideas about some of my favorite things. I asked him if I could serve as his caddy at the American Century Championship Golf Classic, a tourney he plays in up at Lake Tahoe every summer. He made analogies between teaching and coaching. He shared thoughts on working with athletes today, about his Kelly Cares Foundation and its annual Football 101: For women only. And I talked to him about what consumed my imagination this past Fall: "A Season with Notre Dame Football." 

Showtime Sports claims that this series allows the viewer to "Go inside the locker room and coaching offices for never-before-seen footage of what goes into the makings of a champion college team." While most college football fans anticipate game day, I couldn't wait for Tuesday evenings September through November to watch the latest episode. 

This program invested me in the team and the players in a new way. I was able to see their work ethic, the demands of college football today, the different personalities, challenges, and of course the thrill or victory and the agony of defeat. (I showed multiple clips in my Sports and Spirituality class...shamelessly...unapologetically...to which my students said more often than not "Can we watch the rest of this?!") I came to know and love so many different players: DeShone Kizer, Jaylon Smith, Tori Hunter Jr., Devin Butler. But, one person captured my focus and attention more than anyone: Coach Brian Kelly. I spent the entire season psychoanalyzing him. I was desperate to get a better read on a man who is in one of the most and least enviable position in athletics.

Having the opportunity to talk to him one on one, hearing his speech, and considering what I've witnessed on the sidelines every Saturday (and Tuesday night), I have collected hundreds of thoughts. But one emerged; it crystallized from that one evening. I think it is one that many Irish fans will know and understand: Brian Kelly has grown into his role as Head Coach of Notre Dame. And I like it.

I should tell you the impressive stats and stories he shared about Notre Dame football. For example, Team 127 had not only six players taken in the first round of the NFL draft, they also earned he highest GPA of any football team in Fightin' Irish history. Perhaps wide receiver Corey Robinson has something to do with it. I hear he has a genius IQ; he will also serve as student body president next year. (Coach Kelly said he won the election with full party support). Who does that? Play football AND serve in student government? The Admiral's son, a man who deserves his own nickname, that's who.

I enjoyed learning Coach Kelly's path to the position as the head coach of Notre Dame. One step included coaching women's' softball, at his alma mater—Assumption College—where he also served as linebackers coach and defensive coordinator. The first time BK ever set foot in South Bend was when he accepted the job in December 2009. As someone who hadn't visited ND until I arrived there as a Freshman in August of 1992, I could relate. Though most people in the room were shocked to hear his story, I understood. Notre Dame is where Coach Kelly wanted to be. I get that.

He told us that Team 127 performed 2500 hours of community service and participated in 37 distinct community events. Right now, 11 men on the team are studying abroad and many others are working internships throughout the country. He successfully painted a portrait of a student consistent with his message "We are looking for a young man who will connect with the values of Notre Dame. How we develop and who we recruit is contingent on finding that fit. It's my job to recruit, retain and develop these players."

In a "Q & A" that followed his speech, an alumni said, "I watched A Season with Notre Dame Football and I was surprised at just how likable the team was. Is that true?" 

Coach Kelly responded by telling us that he had been to but two of his son's high school football games this past fall. He added, "if you had asked me 15 years ago whether or not I like my athletes, I would have told you I don't care. So long as you can run or score for me, I don't care if I like you or not. But knowing what I am missing out on with my own family, I decided I had to care about these guys." His words made me pause and think: Does this mean he's recruiting guys he knows he will like? Is he now investing in his players in a new way so he can get to know them better (e.g. training table, an open office)? I would love to talk to him more about that.

People might be familiar with this face of Coach Kelly.

I would also like him to know that what I was privy to in one evening helped me understand an important idea I encountered in Jim Martin SJ's new book "The Seven Last Words of Christ: An Invitation to a Deeper Relationship with Jesus." In it, Martin writes,

More to the point, who did Jesus think he was? Did he understand himself as the Messiah? And how did he come to understand himself? His identity? His humanity? His divinity? 

Much of this must remain a mystery. But one helpful way to understand it is that Jesus grew in his understanding of his identity throughout his life. 

To begin with, it is reasonable to think that Mary would have shared with her son her experience with the Angel Gabriel, and Joseph his experiences of his dreams. All parents want to help their children understand who they are called to be, so why wouldn't Mary and Joseph try to help Jesus understand his unique vocation? As he matured, they likely spoke with him about his identity, even if they didn't fully comprehend it themselves. Much later, of course, at his baptism, Jesus has a profound experience of himself as God's "beloved son."

But even after his baptism, Jesus may have struggled to understand what this meant. We all do the same after we have had a deep insight or passed a milestone in our lives. A married couple, for example, don't fully understand marriage on their wedding day. A mother doesn't fully understand motherhood on the day of the birth of her first chid. And a priest doesn't fully understand what it means to be a priest on the day of his ordination. All of this takes time. 

The truth of growing into one's identity and the way I have seen this in the seven years Brian Kelly has coached football at Notre Dame is what I want people to know. To think that anyone should arrive at a place and serve in a position like that one and have it all figured out is unfair. It takes time. Though our world (and alums) has immediate demands, to make something like a high profile coaching position one's own demands reflection, maturity, wisdom, prayer, assistance, support, and encouragement. I don't appreciate the fans who have written Coach Kelly off for some of the mistakes he made in his first two years. The program that he has built and the players that he is shaping are ones I am very proud to be associated with. 

Watch Coach Kelly on the sidelines on any given Saturday, and he can't help but stand face to face with his quarterback or the referee. It's a role he's grown into, one that he has made his own. And I'm grateful he's sharing that with the University of Notre Dame, undivided attention and more.  Go, Irish.

Photo Credits
BK and Kizer
Coach Kelly
Season with ND Football
Angry BK