Serendipitous Friendships: In Springsteen and in Sports

I repeat the quote by Matthew Kelly in every class I teach and with each team I coach. He has said, "the friends you keep are more important than the books you read." I have yet to encounter any resistance to his words. Rather, I find an audience nodding in universal agreement. We know we can't choose our family, but we do have a say when it comes to choosing friends. And let's be honest, some of us get lucky—really lucky—when it comes to them. My mom always says "you make your luck," but I think there is something serendipitous about certain people that enter into our lives. 

I've made some of my closest friends through school, work, sports and my faith. Many of these relationships are nourished by common values, similar interests and a shared passion. But I would by lying if I didn't admit that some of my favorite people in the world have become my friends because of one particular preoccupation: American singer, songwriter and performer: Bruce Springsteen. And, watching the CBS Sunday Morning show's interview of the Boss offered me more than another opportunity to reach out to those buddies with whom I love to "speak Springsteen." 

From the conversation between The Boss and Anthony Mason, I was reminded that the miracle of friendship that can be born between two unlikely people, at unsuspecting time or in inconspicuous places. And, it is shaped, formed and sustained through sharing our talents, abilities and ourselves.

In what may be one of the more beautiful treatises on friendship, when asked “How would you describe your relationship with Clarence?” Bruce said:

“It was very primal,” he replied. “It was just, ‘Oh, you’re, you’re some missing part of me. You’re some dream I’m having. He was this huge force, you know? While at the same time being very fragile and very dependent himself, which is maybe what the two of us had in common. We were both kind of insecure down inside. And we both felt kind of fragile and unsure of ourselves. But when we were together we felt really powerful. 

“We were very different people, you know? Clarence lived fast and loose and wild and wide-open, you know? And I tended to be a little more conservative.” 

“You said offstage, you couldn’t be friends.” 

“I couldn’t because it would ruin my life!” Springsteen laughed. 

“But Clarence could be Clarence excellently. He was very good at it.” 

Until Clemons’ health went into a long decline. In 2011 he suffered a stroke and died days later. “Losing Clarence,” Springsteen writes, “was like losing the rain.”

I thought of the rare and wonderful chemistry that existed between Bruce and "C." At 6"5" and somewhere close to 280 pounds Clemons was a force, but that force was magnified by who it met and what it became on stage. It wasn't just part of the show, it was a gift for all who love both men and their music to witness the dream. 

Springsteen is indeed a poet, a performer and a musician...so I shouldn't be surprised by the loveliness of his words. His insight into friendship invited me to think of others who might share this type of gift. My mind considered former teammates like Steve Young and Jerry Rice, Chris Mullin and Manute Bol or Kareem Abdul-Jabar and Magic Johnson. These friendships pair two very different men who collaborate and create something greater than themselves. And then I realized perhaps that's exactly why Elie Wiesel said, "Friends are the jewel of life." 

True friendship asks us to be nothing more than we are...if we are fragile, we should be fragile. If we're insecure, a friend lets us be insecure. He or she may actually get what that means. And if the other is loose and larger than life, let him or her run with it. Know who you are, what you can do and delight in the other half. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. 

All Springsteen fans are grateful that part of Clarence lives on with the E Street Band in Jake Clemons, the new saxophone player. But, we also know that change that was made uptown when the Big Man joined the band, formed something "really powerful." Losing the rain has left us longing for the day when there's a Reunion tour of another kind....thank you brother man.

Photo Credits
Force
Jerry Rice & Steve Young

Kareem Abdul Jabar: Much More than a Weird, Cool Dude

"What a weird, cool, dude." That's exactly how I described basketball legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar after watching the HBO documentary "Minority of One." I had faded memories of this basketball legend as the eye goggles wearing center for the Lakers...as having been in the movie "Airplane"....and wasn't he on "The Muppets," too?  I considered him to be quiet and introverted off the court and crazy good with the sky hook on it. I was hungry to talk about the man once known as Lew Alcindor to gain a stronger sense of his legacy, his social and cultural impact and confirm his place on the Mount Rushmore of Hoops. And, after hearing Kareem Abdul-Jabbar—author, activist, philosopher, actor and athlete, speak at the Commonwealth Club—now all I can think is: what an erudite, thoughtful, articulate, compassionate and great American. He's funny too. 

Here are but a few brief thoughts and recollections from the evening that prompted the necessary change to my descriptor.

As many fans know, Abdul-Jabar is the all time leading scorer in the NBA. Let's make this a little more clear in case it's not already: No one has more points in his entire career than this great center does with 28,287 points and an average 24.6 points per game. The six time NBA Champion also won three NCAA championships at UCLA. 

Though the list of his accomplishments is both lengthy and highly impressive, what touched me most is that so many people are pushing for him to win the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The session led me to believe that he was going to earn what is

"America's highest civil award. It is conferred upon men and women of high achievement in the arts and entertainment, public service, science, education, athletics, business and other fields. For most recipients, this award is a special distinction added to many prior honors." 

Unfortunately, I cannot find any evidence that it is confirmed. I hope he is included in the next class.

The emcee, Von Jones made me laugh when he said "Kareem, you are my tallest hero." I thought of the literal and figurative truth behind his words. Jones had the wisdom to ask who was Abdul-Jabbar's hero. When he said "Emmett Till" I raised my hands to clap and clap loudly. 

Abdul-Jabbar was just eight years old when Till, a 14 year old boy was lynched for allegedly whistling at a white woman. "I couldn't and didn't understand," Abdul-Jabbar said.  "But that story had a profound affect on me, even at a young age." 

Till's legacy lives on when an American hero, like Abdul-Jabbar honors him and his mother. Mamie Till decided to keep her teenage son's casket open so the world could see. Till's life and his mother's decision paved the way for Rosa Parks and the Civil Rights movement. They are fitting and worthy heroes. Thank you Kareem.

Jones also pointed out that today, Abdul-Jabbar is the most visible and beloved Muslim in the west. Though I believe Mulala Yousafzai, (who now lives in the United Kingdom), might give Abdul-Jabbar a run for the money, I was struck by the poignancy of those words.

Abdul-Jabbar, who advocates for women's rights called out the injustices to women that he has encountered in his own faith. He referenced the inconsistencies between what the Quran says and how many Muslim countries proceed in their treatment of women. For example, "the  Quran says that women are free to choose who they marry, the are equal partners in a marriage, that they have the right to inherit money and property." I am not sure in what way Abdul-Jabbar is responding to this inequity; perhaps his new book, "Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White" does.

At this point in the conversation Jones pointed out that it has been written that Abdul-Jabbar is a teacher and philosopher trapped in a basketball player's body. Abdul-Jabbar didn't disagree.  I appreciated his talk as much for his insights on Colin Kapernick's decision to sit during the national anthem as I did his tales from the hardwood.

He gave total respect to his coaches, including the great John Wooden. When he spoke about the Wizard of Westwood, his tone, his body language and his message was one of reverence. He said that the greatest lesson Coach Wooden taught him was the importance of being prepared. Though this doesn't sound either surprising or all that interesting, he elaborated quite eloquently on the point. Abdul-Jabbar admitted that he was always mentally and physically ready for the task at hand because of how Coach Wooden taught him to prepare. And what he appreciated about this teaching was that it was in no way limited to basketball. "He used basketball to teach us how to be prepared as a family member....as a husband...as a citizen...as a member of society."

Abdul-Jabbar got me to laugh when he admitted that he didn't understand Wooden's Pyramid of Success during his four years at UCLA. "I thought he was a Mason for a long time. Now I understand how it was related to Wooden's utter conviction of how important it is to do things the right way. He was totally committed to it. I attribute his way to his deep Christian faith."

There were many local cheers when Abdul-Jabbar admitted that no one played defense on him like the late, great Nate Thurmond. But I think there was even more enthusiasm when an audience member asked the leading question that delights all sports fans: "Who is the greatest Laker?" Ever serious, Abdul-Jabbar went through the list of who could be number one. He said, "it's a tough question. You can make an argument for Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, Wilt Chamberlain, Magic Johnson...some say me...others Kobe...."  With his pause, there were both cheers and jeers until he said "but this is why they have sports bars! You get a beer and some wings and can debate this question for hours." Amen.

My favorite story from the evening was about his teammate of 10 years, Earvin "Magic" Johnson. The very first year this 1-2 punch played together, they won 60 games and clinched their first of five NBA titles. Johnson, the number one draft pick was so excited to play with Abdul-Jabbar that after their first game, he ran up to Abdul-Jabbar, leaned his arms against the 7-footer and celebrated like they won the title. Abdul-Jabbar said, "He looked like a pogo stick!" Again, he paused and then added "I told him the problem with that is Magic, we have another 81 games...it can't be like this every night. But I'm often fairly serious, and Magic taught me how to enjoy the moment."

I felt as though the audience got a bonus story when Abdul-Jabbar added "Whenever we played in Michigan, we would have some of Magic's mom's home cooking. Fried Chicken...collard greens...I would pack my bags with extra pies that she gave us." I don't think I've ever heard an athlete tell a story about a teammate's parent and something as relatable as their delicious home cooking. Too often, Magic and Kareem seem so larger than life that we forget about those people near and dear to them that stand in the background. Abdul-Jabbar has a way of recognizing those types of people with sincerity and appreciation.

The author of a new book Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's message for changing racial climate in this country was simple and practical: "get to know your neighbor." Though no longer a Christian, I could not help but the beginning of the parable, The Good Samaritan. In it, the lawyer asks of Jesus. "And who is my neighbor?" Fortunately Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has thought about this question long and hard many times before. 

I'm grateful, I got but an hour of his time to hear some of his answers to the most pressing questions of our time. Weird and cool? Sure. Compassionate, thoughtful and grounded and rooted? Absolutely.

Photo Credit
Black Muslim
With Coach Wooden
Magic and KAJ

With a Name Like Wooden, It Has To Be Good

If you watch the TODAY show, you may be familiar with a segment that honors special Americans on their birthday. They aren’t politicians, athletes or celebrities, but they have achieved something significant: 100 years of life. The host, Willard Scott, speaks of the centenarian’s “interests, hobbies, secrets of longevity, vocation, or anything the audience might like to know about this amazing person” as their photo is featured full screen inside a Smucker’s jam label. I am always amazed at these folks, where they come from and what advice they impart. On October 14, I hope I will see the photo of John Wooden, born in Hall, Indiana. Perhaps this is what they will share...

Interests:
Wooden’s interests could be captured in one word: success. Wooden is known for:

1. the 88 game winning streak of his UCLA teams (broken by none other than the Fightin’ Irish in South Bend)
2. his maxim: Failing to prepare is preparing to fail
3. his Pyramid of Success.

The pyramid identifies the skills that Wooden believes leads to and serves as the foundation of success. He chose a pyramid because it is a timeless example of stability. He gave his players a copy of this pyramid, explained it, and most importantly, he constantly affirmed each ideal. He grew up on a small farm in Hall, IN.  Given the influence and close ties to those agrarian roots, it came as no surprise to me that “industriousness” is a cornerstone of his pyramid.

Which virtues resonate with you? Do any surprise you? Personally, I love that he placed “friendship” at its base. I know I will go the extra mile for a colleague or administrator that is also a friend.

Hobbies:
When I read the Stanford men’s basketball report in the January/February 2010 Alumni Magazine, I was amused by its report from the Cardinal’s media guide. The personal section on team captain Landry Fields points out that his hobbies include, yes, "playing basketball." My guess is that Wooden would list a similar hobby.

Although the “Wizard of Westwood” is best known for the 10 National Championships with the UCLA Bruins basketball teams, it should be duly noted he is the first person enshrined in the basketball hall of fame as both a player and a coach.

Secrets of Longevity:
I recently told my students that I want to live to be 100. They looked at me with varied responses—Why? Some had never thought about living to 100 before, some were mildly entertained by the idea, some understood and held an appreciation for the wisdom that comes with age, whereas others thought only of the complications. I asked them: Why not?

The more pressing question about Wooden’s longevity however is: could his incredible record winning of 10 NCAA titles in his last 12 seasons happen today? Men’s college basketball is dramatically different. It is increasingly rare that a team will play together for more than one year. The preseason report out of Westwood said, "Coach Ben Howland, in his seventh year at the helm, has essentially been conducting Basketball 101 at Pauley Pavilion." Last year, UCLA made an appearance in the Big Dance's second round. This year, they returned one starter and did not even qualify for the NIT. "Jrue Holiday jumped to the NBA after his freshman year and is now a Philadelphia 76er." Early departures have clearly hurt UCLA in recent times, a fact that is not unique to them. It is only fair to raise the question WWJD? What would John do? When I read in the New York Times “Across 36 sports monitored by the N.C.A.A., men’s basketball has the lowest graduation rates, with fewer than two-thirds of players earning degrees,” I wondered how Coach Wooden, a man of discipline and total integrity would navigate these waters. His secret to longevity might look different, but so too might his pyramid.

Vocation:
I was thrilled to read that even Willard Scott embraces the idea of vocation over career. Mick McCarthy, SJ writes in his article Education for The Discovery of Vocation "Let me be clear that “career” and “vocation” are not mutually exclusive terms. “Vocation,” though, suggests a quality of discernment and reflection on the mystery of our lives before God that “career” fails to capture." You could argue, no, Wooden is known exactly for his career. In fact, he was recently voted The Sporting News' greatest sports coach of all time. But the lessons he has distilled from the game, his players, and his success transcend the basketball court. Wooden is more than “The Wizard,” a coach, and a leader. Or is that what vocation points to—your life’s work is totally consistent with who and what you are. You cannot separate one from the other.

Anything the audience might like to know about this amazing person:
I think it’s important to note that John Wooden is a man of faith. In The Essential Wooden: A Lifetime of Lessons on Leaders and Leadership he writes:

I never prayed for victory, never asked God to let our team win the national championship, never offered up a prayer that UCLA would set some record or win a particular game. To my way of thinking, God has more important things on his mind. My own Christian faith however has given me great strength. I believe those of faith—and not just my faith—have something powerful and true they can draw on.

That’s why I encouraged those under my supervision to believe in something—a faith that gave them inner strength: I don’t care what religion you choose, but I think it makes you a better person to believe in something.

When Lew Alcindor (Kareem Abdul-Jabar) became a Muslim, he did so after careful consideration and study. It didn’t bother me. He is still a Muslim and his faith has given him strength over the years just as my Christian faith does for me. Occasionally I wonder how those who don’t believe in something get by.

I love the simplicity of Wooden’s words. 

And there are so many others worth mentioning (from The Essential Wooden).

Go Get The Ball! I want it this way: “Go get the ball!” That’s the attitude I want to see. “Go get the ball!” That’s’ the positive approach. That’s what gets something done on and off the court. Don’t wait for things to happen. While you’re sitting around waiting, somebody else will “go get the ball!” And then what? Suddenly, you’re playing catch-up.

Sound of enthusiasm Don’t judge enthusiasm by how loudly somebody talks. Noise is not necessarily enthusiasm. Sometimes it is; sometimes it isn’t. An effective leader knows the difference.

Play Tall I had a very clear request of those I taught: Give me complete commitment and total effort. An individual who is willing to deliver those two powerful assets to your team is a prized player whether he’s seven foot two or two feet seven. Many times I reminded those I coached, “I don’t care how tall you are. I can how tall you play.”

There is nothing fancy about many of his ideals. They are tried, timeless and true. They only point back to this leader, coach, and Christian that with a name like Wooden, it has to be good.

Photo Credits
Lew and John
Pyramid
Wizard

Courtside