Beyond Good Vibes: Prayers for Damar Hamlin

"Prayer works."

"Pray for Damar."

"Prayer is real. And it's powerful."

Perhaps you heard these words in the days following the Bills vs. Bengals game.

The Monday Night Football game for Week 17 of the NFL season changed the tenor around the water cooler. The Tuesday morning conversation did not entertain typical questions such as Who won? Did they cover the spread? Who is now on injured reserve? or How did the outcome affect rankings for the playoffs.? Oddly, strangely and beautifully, a lot of talk  focused on prayer—not good vibes or thoughts and prayers. Prayer. 

Hamlin, a safety for the Buffalo Bills, collapsed January 2, 2023 after tackling Bengals receiver Tee Higgins during a routine play. According to a statement by the Bills, the 24-year-old athlete suffered cardiac arrest following the hit. Gina Christian – OSV News wrote, "Medics worked for 10 minutes to restore Hamlin’s heartbeat as Bills team and staff members knelt in a tight prayer circle around him. Hamlin was admitted to the University of Cincinnati (UC) Medical Center, initially sedated and on a ventilator."

Video circulated online of Bengals fans reciting the Lord’s Prayer in the stands. On ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky, a former N.F.L. quarterback, told his colleagues on the live broadcast that “it’s just on my heart that I want to pray.” Bowing his head and closing his eyes, he did so. 

While it's not uncommon for athletes to thank God or give credit to their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I have never seen an analyst go off script in this way. What might be even more interesting is that those in the studio appeared to be equally engaged and ready to join him. 

Tre Tipton, CEO of a Pittsburgh-based mental health coaching firm and a former wide receiver for the University of Pittsburgh claimed “Damar got the whole world to pray. God allowed Damar to get the whole world to pray.” 

The whole world? Not sure about that? But millions of people? I think so.

In the past five to ten years I have noticed that the number of people who are comfortable using the word "prayer"has decreased. Many are hesitant to ask for prayers. Others are reluctant to offer prayers for someone or something. Whereas I once heard someone say "I will pray for you" before a surgery, a job interview, and travel, today I hear "I will be thinking good thoughts."

One reason for offering "thoughts and prayers" is the fear that we might offend someone. I would argue whether or not one is religious, spiritual or both, if YOU believe in God—if you are a person of prayer—to offer to pray for someone is a gift. When I have heard those words they have brought me comfort and connection in a way that sending "good vibes" does not. 

Prayer isn’t a magical formula for getting what we want, and it isn’t reserved for ‘holy’ people, people practicing a faith tradition or for special times or places. Prayer is talking to God.

What happened with Damar Hamlin got people talking to God. He changed the narrative. We continue to hear people praying for him and his ongoing recovery. We also hear society asking a lot of questions. We should. 

The good news is that a life of prayer, more than likely, reveals more questions than answers.  And prayer enables us to live with the questions.

In his memoir Night, Elie Wiesel writes,

And why do you pray, Moishe?  I asked him. 

I pray to God that he gives me the strength to ask Him the right questions.

A fair question is not "Did these prayers work? but "Why? "Why did Damar survive? How it is that he lived and others die?" Big questions. Honest questions? Are they the right ones? Another good question.

The book Praying with Thomas Aquinas, states

Aquinas argued that by God's design we do cause things to occur when we petition God in prayer, not because we change God's will, but because God has willed that if we pray, certain things will happen. If we do not pray, those things will not happen. In recognizing those things, we grow in recognizing our dependence on God and on the meaning of God's will for us.

Aquinas' conviction calls me to pray and to really give myself—my time and attention to prayer.

Bills tight end Dawson Knox, said “Prayer is real, and it’s powerful. Constantly praying for Damar and his family."  Aquinas would approve. I agree.

What questions did the events surrounding Damar Hamil raise for you? Did you bring any of those questions to prayer? Are you comfortable offering to pray for someone? How do you feel when someone offers to pray for you?

God's love and grace has worked through the most popular sport in America to heal and help us consider what we believe and why.

Sending Damar, his family, friends and teammates love and prayers.

Photo Credits
Damar
Family Note
prayer Circle

The Power of Ritual: A Case for the Prayer Circle

I displayed this photo in Sports and Spirituality, an elective course I teach to seniors, several of whom are in the photo. The prayer circle was taken after the second football game of the season between two non-league rivals: Marin Catholic and St. Ignatius College Prep. I already knew:

1. who won the game. 
2. the athletes in my classroom were not unfamiliar with this ritual; they had joined in a prayer circle after a league game the season prior.
3. in both instances, the opposing team initiated the invitation to pray together following the contest.
   

What I knew and what I wanted to know however prompted me to ask them about their experience of this postgame ritual. I was aware that when the football team prayed with their opponent after the game last year, SI won. This year was different. I was sensitive to the fact that seeing this photo would remind the players in my class of a game they believe should have gone the other way. I was curious to hear what it was like to pray after a defeat...besides the victor....or to some, the enemy. Was that tough to do? Was it strange? Was it meaningful? Is there power in this ritual?

These questions, this experience reminded me of the weekly column I read in Catholic San Francisco but the Canadian Oblate, Father Ron Rolheiser. In "The Power of Ritual" he writes,

I don’t always find it easy to pray. Often I’m over-tired, distracted, caught-up in tasks, pressured by work, short on time, lacking the appetite for prayer, or more strongly drawn to do something else. But I do pray daily; despite the fact that I often don’t want to and despite the fact that many times prayer can be boring and uninteresting. I pray daily because I’m committed to a number of rituals for prayer, the office of the Church, lauds and vespers, the Eucharist, and daily meditation.

Perhaps he could have added after a loss or in times of disappointment as examples of when it's not easy to pray. So why partake in this ritual? Could a prayer circle really make a difference? He writes

And these rituals serve me well. They hold me, keep me steady, and keep me praying regularly even when, many times, I don’t feel like praying. That’s the power of ritual. If I only prayed when I felt like it, I wouldn’t pray very regularly. 

Ritual practice keeps us doing what we should be doing (praying, working, being at table with our families, being polite) even when our feelings aren’t always onside. We need to do certain things not because we always feel like doing them, but because it’s right to do them. 

And this is true for many areas of our lives, not just for prayer. Take, for example, the social rituals of propriety and good manners that we lean on each day. Our heart isn’t always in the greetings or the expressions of love, appreciation, and gratitude that we give to each other each day. We greet each other, we say goodbye to each other, we express love for each other, and we express gratitude to each other through a number of social formulae, ritual words: Good morning! Good to see you! Have a great day! Have a great evening! Sleep well! Nice meeting you! Nice to work with you! I love you! Thank you! 

We say these things to each other daily, even though we have to admit that there are times, many times, when these expressions appear to be purely formal and seem not at all honest to how we are feeling at that time. Yet we say them and they are true in that they express what lies in our hearts at a deeper level than our more momentary and ephemeral feelings of distraction, irritation, disappointment, or anger. Moreover these words hold us in civility, in good manners, in graciousness, in neighborliness, in respect, and in love despite the fluctuations in our energy, mood, and feelings. Our energy, mood, and feelings, at any given moment, are not a true indication of what’s in our hearts, as all of us know and frequently need to apologize for. Who of us has not at some time been upset and bitter towards someone who we love deeply? The deep truth is that we love that person, but that’s not what we’re feeling at the moment. 

If we only expressed affection, love, and gratitude at those times when our feelings were completely onside, we wouldn’t express these very often. Thank God for the ordinary, social rituals which hold us in love, affection, graciousness, civility, and good manners at those times when our feelings are out of sorts with our truer selves. These rituals, like a sturdy container, hold us safe until the good feelings return. 

Today, in too many areas of life, we no longer understand ritual. That leaves us trying to live our lives by our feelings; not that feelings are bad, but rather that they come upon us as wild, unbidden guests.  Iris Murdoch asserts that our world can change in fifteen seconds because we can fall in love in fifteen seconds. But we can also fall out of love in fifteen seconds! Feelings work that way! And so we cannot sustain love, marriage, family, friendship, collegial relationships, and neighborliness by feelings. We need help. Rituals can help sustain our relationships beyond feelings. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer used to give this instruction to a couple when he was officiating at their wedding. He would tell them: Today you are in love and you believe that your love can sustain your marriage. But it can’t. However& your marriage can sustain your love. Marriage is a not just a sacrament, it’s also a ritual container. 

Ritual not only can help sustain a marriage, it can also help sustain our prayer lives, our civility, our manners, our graciousness, our humor, our gratitude, and our balance in life. Be wary of anyone who in the name of psychology, love, or spirituality tells you that ritual is empty and you must rely on your energy, mood, and feelings as your guiding compass. They won’t carry you far. 

Daniel Berrigan once wrote: Don’t travel with anyone who expects you to be interesting all the time. On a long journey there are bound to be some boring stretches. John of the Cross echoes this when talking about prayer. He tells us that, during our generative years, one of the biggest problems we will face daily in our prayer is simple boredom. 

And so we can be sure our feelings won’t sustain us, but ritual practices can.

So what did my students say? To a large degree, they said what I thought what they would say...and what they should say. They were uncomfortable. The ritual was in thought a nice gesture, but tough to do. I asked them if they were required to participate in the prayer circle. They said no, they were invited to join the other team. So why do it? They said it helped them center themselves. They are grateful for the opportunity to play in a game knowing a lot of people give of their own time to make that possible. I asked them if they would do it again. They said "yes." Do rituals sustain them? Perhaps more than they know...

Another important ritual, ND football players run to the end zone and take a knee
before the game to offer a personal prayer—indiviually, though collectively.

Thinking about my own prayer life, I know how often I go to God with requests for help, petitioning God's intercession for healing and more. I make an effort to offer prayers of gratitude; these are easy to say. But, when I have lost and feel defeated, the last thing I want to do is pray. But as Rolheiser mentions, anyone can be polite, can do the right thing and can pray when it's easy, when we encounter a person we like, or when we win. But when we are tasked with being kind to someone we dislike, when the right thing is hard to do, and when we lose...not so much.

Defeat, disappointment, and loss are a real part of life. We will have those experiences as the person next to us is celebrating and filled with joy, which is why a ritual like this one might be important. Even the victor who is in the prayer circle is aware that not everyone feels that same way. He or she can express gratitude at that moment and yet hold humility in their heart. Why? It can and does go the other way.

God can handle it all; the question is can we? A team and a ritual, they are not to be underestimated in getting us there.

Photo Credits

ND Football