This is not a blog post I’ve been eager to write. I try to use this space to share messages that are hopeful, uplifting, and meaningful. Sure, I have my gripes—but I usually keep those close to the vest... or the water cooler.
But there’s a question I feel compelled to raise, and I think you have an answer: Have you ever been to a game where a singular fan, compromised your entire experience? Have a group of fans ever detracted from your enjoyment of the game? Have you ever been subjected to rude, boorish, or selfish behavior by someone cheering for the same team as you—a fellow fan?
Sadly, I fear that too many of us can answer "yes." The purpose of this post however isn't to castigate fans in 2025. I don't want to play the "it never used to be this way" game—although that might be true. No, I hope that you will read and consider the power that you as a fan have and will use it for good.
My friend Steve gave me an early Christmas present: a pre-game field pass for the Notre Dame game at Stanford Stadium on Saturday, November 29. To stand behind just feet from the entire team—ranked 9th in the nation—and on their level is amazing. Although you might not have the vantage of those who are perched from above, the energy and excitement is palpable—it's electric. Just before kick-off, I walked approximately 20 rows up to my seat and joined my friend Charlie. He noted that our section had been standing since he arrived. A few minutes into the game, the crowd around us took their seats and cheered loudly. We stood up, we sat down. We exchanged high fives. The blue, gold and green drowned out the Cardinal red. Clearly, this is was not enemy territory.
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| I stood next to DeShone Kizer on the field and didn't recognize him until it was too late. I would have loved talking to him about "A Season with ND Football." |
The young man sitting in front of us was an enthusiastic fan. He stood every single time the Irish had possession of the ball or when defense made a great play. However, the problem with this gesture is that in order to see the game, we had to stand as well. If we stood, those behind us would need to do the same. Think of this as a different type of wave, and an unnecessary one.
Charlie politely tapped him on the shoulder and said "excuse me, but when you stand, we can't see. Do you mind sitting down?" This fan retorted, "I do. I'm not going to sit. I'm going to stand when I want to." I listened in disbelief. I thought to myself, "maybe he didn't understand what we were asking." I tapped him on the shoulder and said "I'm sorry, it's just that your view is unobstructed (there was no one sitting in front of him from an angled sight line). When others stand or if someone else is standing—go for it. But you're the only person who stands and that means we can't see the play. We're happy to switch seats with you if that helps."
I was calm and hoped our simple request made sense. He shook his head and said, "I'm not moving seats. And I'm not going to stay seated. I'm going to stand when I want. That's what I'm going to do."
I have never heard another fan speak with such defiance. I would have said, "I am so sorry. Of course. No problem." While that might be too accommodating, I know I would have listened and at the very least found some middle ground.
Charlie shook his head. He told me to let it go as we turned our head to watch the plays on the Jumbotron.
I tapped this man on the shoulder once more. I don't know from where this came but I said "Please don't cheer for Notre Dame." He looked at me quizzically. I asked "Are you an alum? Are you a current student?" He shook his head, "no." I said "Well, I'm an alum and I would rather that you not cheer for the Irish. What you are doing does not resonate with the values of the University. Don't cheer for the Irish. Please don't." I sat down.
In the words of Thomas Magnum "I know what you're thinking" and you're right. This story doesn't end well. He dug his heels in. He became almost more defiant by standing more and sitting less.
This fan soured my experience; I would be lying if I said I could shake it off. I wish he wasn't cheering for ND. The whole thing was disappointing and disrespectful.Very unfortunate.
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| Marcus Freeman's first game as Head Coach, January 2022 |
It could have been different. I say that because I know it’s true—I’ve lived it. On September 18, my friend Bill and I joined my aunt, uncle, cousin, her husband, and their four kids for the Purdue game at Notre Dame Stadium. Sitting together in two rows, we made quite an impression on the people around us.
With under two minutes left in the second quarter, play stopped because of lightning. Rain followed. We waited under the overhang for nearly two hours, then returned to our seats for the second half. While a third of the crowd didn’t come back, I noticed those around me were actually talking about my family. A couple of men picked up on the fact that my Uncle Jay has an uncommon knowledge of the game. They noticed how he explained a few of the rulings on the field in great detail. One of them inquired about it only to learn that my Uncle Jay was a Pac 10/12 referee for 35 years. Whether in the classroom or on the field, my Uncle Jay has always been someone who instructs, informs, and helps others. That’s who he was as a teacher and principal, and who he was wearing the white hat.
I love watching games with my Uncle Jay. Yes, I'm an info hound—I do love to gain clarity and comprehension—but he is incredibly spirited, too. He is locked in when the clock is ticking and helping others when it stops. I grew up watching him on the field work games. In his retirement, I have only benefitted from his presence in the stands. I am proud to say that others have too.
But Jay wasn't the only force for good in this crowd. My Uncle Jay's daughter Jodi—my cousin and her husband CW have four children. These fifth through eighth graders, have been raised to cheer for the Irish. To their credit, they did so until the final whistle. They understood the play calls, cheered at all the right times, and were held up for push-ups after a touchdown. It was a long day, but their enthusiasm, attention, and youthful energy were fun to share. They made a great game even better. Young fans have power, too.
The question I raise for fans is one about presence. Whether we are at a sporting event, a movie, a concert or show we have the ability to make a positive presence on the places and spaces we inhabit—including sacred ones. Are you aware of this?
I attend 8:00 a.m. every Sunday at St. Vincent de Paul parish. Because of its early start time, most of the congregation is comprised of elderly people and families with very young children (they get up early as it is!). Of course all are welcome, and I know the spirit of hospitality is important—but it is not with a sense of "do whatever you want" or "everything is okay."
I believe that because of an experience I had recently. A mother and her teenage daughter sat next to me and talked at a low whisper throughout both readings and the Gospel. The only time they refrained from chatting was when they sang.
I glanced over a few times—giving that teacher look I’ve mastered over 25 years. They noticed but kept at it. During the homily, I held my gaze a little longer. Still nothing. In hindsight, I should have removed myself rather than hope something would change.
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| ND Football Chaplain, Father Nate Wills, C.S.C. offers a prayerful presence on the sidelines. |
When their conversation continued through the consecration, I couldn’t stay silent. I leaned over and said, “Do you mind not talking? I’m trying to focus and pray.”
My request was met with utter disgust. Both mother and daughter looked at me as though I were committing an unthinkable offense, a stranger daring to disturb their world.
I stood frozen in fear that I would be the reason this young woman would stop going to church in the future. Perhaps she would say "this woman in church asked me to stop talking. How rude." I was that woman. I am that woman. And sadly, I shouldn't be the one apologizing.
I offer this message in contrast to what a woman once said to my brother as they were leaving Mass. She tapped him on the shoulder and said "I just want to say thank you for helping me pray better." Mark said "thank you" and paused. She added "Your prayerful presence really helped me to be still and hear the Word."
I love that she thought to say this to my brother. She named for him the giftedness and grace of a positive presence. No words or money required. Truly we have the power for good.
I won't tell you what I said to the girlfriend of the guy who continued to stand during the game, but I can assure you that in the future, I will be thanking fans who make the experience even better.
Photo Credits
Kizer and Freeman
