Advice for Coaches of a Common Sport, Common Season

There is a shared experience between graduates on both sides of Winton Drive in Concord, California that can sometimes be difficult to explain. Having graduated from Carondelet High School, I hold the same amount of school pride for my alma mater as I do for De La Salle. When either team succeeds, I savor the victory—without distinction. Call me a glutton for glory. Who knows. Furthermore, having taught at St. Ignatius College Prep for the past 12 years, I delight in the success of my own students' accomplishments in sports. Looking at photos from the NCS and CCS boys and girls basketball championships, I am reminded of what athletes can learn and gain from sharing a common season. 

Congratulations to Carondelet for winning the D-2 NCS title!

Coaching junior varsity girls golf for the first time was not only more worthwhile than I anticipated, it was more fun too. But, it would have been even more fun had our season included one thing—the boys' team. Last spring, I drove the varsity boys to the CCS championship and played with them during their practice round. They pulled all kinds of pranks that only boys do. They hit for sheer power off the tee in the way their egos need them to. They trash talk and yet they help one another in subtle ways. It was different than what I encountered with the girls' team. My girls await psyche buddy gifts on game day. They get stronger and even more flexible than you might think. Their putting is totally up and down (that works for everyone). The uniqueness of each team could easily add to a great mix.

I love the team photo because it reveals something about this Spartan family. Again, if you didn't know what the head coach, AJ Kuhle looks like, I don't think you would from this either...

Unfortunately, local golf courses cannot manage boys' and girls' programs during a singular season. Consequently, girls play in the fall and boys in the spring. The same can be said for tennis and for volleyball. Indeed, some things are lost in this separation, but I know other things are gained, too. Regardless, I appreciate what develops between athletes, teams and programs when they share space, time and common goals. In many cases, it's similar to a sibling rivalry. One competes for attention and glory. Resentment and jealousy can breed. But I would like to think at their best, like brothers and sisters, a rich bond can develop. I do not believe however this is the norm. 

I offer a challenge and some humble advice to those coaches who work with a single sex team that is "in season" with another: enhance that relationship as best you can. Here are but a few suggestions of what you can do.

St. Ignatius girls' win the CCS title at Santa Clara University

Make a point of attending the other team's game at some point during the season. It will generate a different type of conversation between the athletes. They will raise questions, they will appreciate what they do, they will pick up on nuance and fine tune their own. Good stuff. A loftier goal might be to attend a preseason, regular and postseason game if/as possible!

Play with and against one another. Competition between the sexes can be ridiculously fun. There are ways to handicap the contest so as to equalize the playing field; this need not be viewed as a negative thing. Be creative! Invite your athletes' input. 

I think "play" in practice is under-utilized and under-appreciated by my fellow coaches. I will never forget the cross country runner who wrote on coaching evaluations that "practice is boring. All we do it run." While we wondered if this student athlete had totally missed the memo about our sport, I understood what he/she was talking about. Make time for recreation within your sport.

Coach the other team's practice. Why not? Run your workout as you would with your own team. Share your unique skills and drills. A different point of view can add a lot.

Attend a collegiate or professional game together. Take both teams to see how it's done on the next level. It's possible that this contest will favor the men's sport over women's, but the shared experience can help all student athletes see with new eyes.

Pray for one another. I cannot stress this enough. I think teachers should pray for their students everyday. I believe that coaches ought to pray for their athletes everyday. Teams are no different. Pray for each other regularly, and invite prayers for the boys or girls team. It's a shared endeavor—competing in a sport. Ultimately, athletes are working toward a common goal. Pray in a way that invites God's blessing on both communities.

Serve together. Our teams love to be known for who they are and what they do. This point of pride is a wonderful thing but best when coupled with humility. Sometimes it's harder to be served than to serve. I've never participated in a corporal work of mercy when the ones I thought I would be serving didn't end of serving me and teaching me more than I could have anticipated.

The day after our big rivalry game, the Bruce Mahoney, the SI girls team came to school still upset by their performance. The boys' team didn't. They held their heads high and reveled in the praise that echoed throughout the halls. At CCS, the tables turned. Our girls beheld the winner's trophy and the boys were deflated by a loss in a very close game. That contest didn't end with handshakes on the court. No, they looked up to find their fans offering a standing ovation; many who were leading that cheer were the same varsity girls who played a few hours before.

Our athletic programs have the inherent ability to cultivate so much of what a family can: shared joy and agony, winning and losing, friendship and faithfulness. I think the choice is...the coach's.

Photo Credits
All from Twitter @Carondelet_HS, @dlsathletics and @SIScores

Take Time for Paradise....or at least a Golf Scramble

In Take Time for Paradise: Americans and Their Games, the late A. Bartlett Giamatti wrote, "It has long been my conviction that we can learn far more about the conditions, and values, of a society by contemplating how it chooses to play, to use its free time, to take its leisure, than by examining how it goes about it work. I am hardly the first to think so, and I trust I will not be the last." Giamatti was a philosopher, President of a university (Yale) and commissioner of MLB from 1988-1989. If anyone could determine this realization it is he.

And yet, what concerns me today is that adults my age, my colleagues and co-workers do not take time for leisure with others. Quite often it feels as though all we do is work and head home. I believe not using our free time for play—is detrimental to our society. 

I also believe that we have made play so constructed, regimented and specialized for young people that it becomes work. For an eight year old to renounce all other sport to specialize in one may increase the likelihood of success, but causes a change in attitude. It may remain a labor of love, but I see the emphasis on "labor" increasing.

This is my favorite photo from the day. Our principal with one of our captains.
He is one of the busier people I know. But he NEVER tells you that or complains about it.
That's what the truly busy people don't do.

These fears underscore one reason—among many—why I was tremendously grateful for the teachers, faculty and parents who showed up to play on the final day of the St. Ignatius junior varsity golf team's season. That's right, we finished our season: 9-1 and clinched the league title by besting the one team that beat us the day before. But I didn't want to conclude our season with just a league match. I wanted to end it doing what we do best...with the reason why girls join the team in the first place...to play, to leisurely compete with one another and in this case, for the greater glory of God. More on that in a moment.

This posting will serve as my urging for all coaches to consider concluding your season in a similar way. Gather your athletes for one final meeting that involves play. Take time for paradise. Part of me thinks we can't afford not to...

John (on left) was the girls' coach last year. He will work with JV boys this year. He bring joy to all he meets.

This is what we did.
All girls were asked to invite a guest of their choice. I shared a list of faculty members who I know play golf. It was fun for me to hear from my golfers who they wanted to include in our scramble. They asked a number of their teachers, the principal and their counselors. All who were asked were touched by the invitation, regardless if they could attend or not. Those who played enjoyed their pairings and the day.

Four girls on the team brought their fathers. This was especially meaningful as these men were their teachers and their first coaches in golf. It's special to play a game with a family member, even more to compete with (not against) someone you love.

After welcome remarks, one of my golfers delivered her quote of the day. This is a ritual I implemented to commence practice and get girls' heads and hearts focused. One quote is sports and one is spiritual. More often than not, the golf quote relates to life; it was great to hear what insights on faith these young women find meaningful. Here were our quotes from that day!

Sports Quote:  Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding & maddening—& it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. —Arnold Palmer  

Spiritual Quote: When God pushes edge, trust him fully, because only two things will happen. He will either catch you when you fall or teach you how to fly. 

Each golfer then introduced themselves, what year they are in school and their guest. I loved it when Rachel "This is my Dad, Theo. I got my athletic abilities and my blue eyes from him."

The team then presented their guests with their "psych buddy" gifts. During the season, two golfers work together to present their teammates with their own, unique psych buddy gift on the day of a match. These gifts have two parts: one is edible and one is golf related. This season, we ate our fair share of brownies and cookies. I also now have a handmade red and blue hair bow, numerous golf balls painted with our mascot's paw prints in our school colors and more. Psych buddy gifts prove that girls rule.

After explaining the rules of the scramble (each pairing had to use a JV girls' drive four times in the round, and circle that hole on the score card), we gathered for prayer. Parents often see their son or daughter praying as a team, but it's rare that they get to participate in it. We prayed for friends and family, we gave thanks for the opportunity to play sport, for safe transportation throughout the season and for new friends.  Holding hands we said the Prayer of Generosity, a prayer that all students at St. Ignatius know by heart. 

From that point, the games began. Faculty and parents were able to see the talent on our team. And girls on the team were able to see the abilities of their guests. One parent took photos for our team during a match and on this special day. I was so touched that he too would participate and share in our day of leisure using his gifts and talents.

I understand why Giamatti refers to sport as "paradise." To play and to make this time for leisure allowed a team that had worked together for two months to share who they are and what they have become with those they care about. It truly is the manifestation of the letters that our athletes have on their uniforms: AMDG. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam—For the Greater Glory of God. Paradise won't be much different than this day....

These smiles say it all. AMDG

Photo Credits:
Special Thanks to Tri Nguyen for the wonderful photos he took of this family/team. 

Generosity and David Lee

The "Back to School Night" poster for the Religious Studies department at St. Ignatius College Prep, where I teach features a head shot of every teacher and his or her favorite line from prayer. When we were asked to submit ours to the designer, I said mine without hesitation: "Lord, teach me to be generous."

I say this prayer—the opening line of the St. Ignatius' Prayer for Generosity—more often than you might think. At times, it is a near mantra. I utter those words when I need patience, when I am frustrated and when it's difficult to see the good in a student. This prayer opens my heart. The grace of this spirit  prompts me to give when I might want to take. The rest of the prayer is equally beautiful, but those six words speak to me, deeply.

I want to be generous. I have been given so much—I ought to be. My father once told me, "Anne, no one will ever think worse of you for being generous. They'll never say she's a horrible person for giving like that." I have never forgotten those words; they're true (but remember, a virtue works best as a mean. Excessive generosity is foolish and deficient generosity is miserliness). 

And yet I also know that true generosity develops when it's difficult to give...when I do feel like sharing, when no one is looking, or when I won't get any credit. This is where I need guidance from the Lord. Anyone can give from their excess, but true generosity comes when we are running on empty. When it would seem as though we have little materially or spiritually to give. I have found this prayer helps.

You would be surprised to learn what else helps me be generous: David Lee.

David Lee played with the Golden State Warriors for the past five seasons. The power forward made generosity look both easy and attractive. I want to be a more generous person because of what I saw in him.

When Lee was named to the 2013 All Star team, he was the first Warrior to earn that distinction in over 17 years! He was a critical reason that team made it to the second round of the playoffs—losing to the Finals Champions, the San Antonio Spurs. And yet this year, Lee suffered a strained left hamstring in the final game of the preseason, which sidelined him for 24 out of the first 25 games of the season. Lee was replaced in the Warriors' starting lineup by Draymond Green, who continued to start even after Lee recovered. The highest-paid player on the Warriors roster at $15 million, Lee became a reserve for the first time since early in his career.

It's hard to argue that Lee's misfortune didn't make way for an opportunity that might not have otherwise happened. Green was a force to be reckoned with throughout the regular and post-season. But what's striking to me is that amidst the struggle of frustration from injury Lee never once complained. He never went to the press to defend himself or call into question Coach Kerr's decision to keep him seated...on the bench...most nights...fully dressed. At one point in February, I wondered if Kerr forgot who about him. I didn't know if his injury lingered. It didn't. 

D-Lee had a new role on the team. It was strange; I scratched my head often. Whereas he once helped on the baseline, David Lee became his teammates' biggest supporter from the sidelines. That's generous.

Lee finally got some minutes in Game 4 of the Finals. Warriors fans saw the chemistry that Stephen Curry and he built together—the building block of teamwork that made this a group of champions. And when the Warriors captured the title, I couldn't help but notice D-Lee in his warm-ups, smiling, hugging and celebrating with his teammates—many of who were sweaty, tired and sore. I have no doubt Lee would have preferred to win in this way. But, a generous spirit is joyful and grateful, regardless.

Warriors faithful know that the team traveled to Las Vegas to celebrate the victory. David Lee picked up the tab.

Tickets went on sale for the 2015-2016 regular season games late last week. I got a call from a representative at the Warriors encouraging me to place my deposit for group seating. The Notre Dame Club of San Francisco attends one game each year. That day, I had but one question for Brian our rep: How was your lunch yesterday? 

Brian started laughing. Sports fans throughout the Bay Area were aware that before he left for Boston, David Lee had treated the entire staff to a lunch by Chipotle.

Lee signed a contract with the Boston Celtics and left us fans on the best of terms....and the people inside of Warriors operations—support staff, ticket agents, ushers—the people we never see, with full bellies and smiles of gratitude...if not a tear or two for fare thee well.

Whether or not it comes easily or with haste, generosity is a wonderful virtue. Generosity can take the edge off of a bad day. It can be tough to exercise, but it makes life just a little sweeter, doesn't it?  Next time you find it tough to be generous, offer a prayer and look to the example of an athlete like David Lee. He made generosity both fun and fulfilling. Thanks for a great five years. 

Photo Credits
Prayer of Generosity
Thank you D-Lee
Sidelines

The High of the 2014-2015 School Year: The Story of Liam— Something Beautiful for God

In my last posting, I shared 4 of the 5 highs for the 2014-2015 school year. Here's #1

The high of my year began with an introductory assignment in the senior Religious Studies elective, Sports and Spirituality. To set the tone of the course and for my students to get to know one another, we share a "Sports Moment of Grace." One of my "spiritual MVPs," Claire—who is now an alumna and a friend, told the story of a boy named Liam.

Claire met Liam while serving as a manager for the varsity football team. Working beside two other student-managers, she has contributed invaluably to the football team and has the respect of the athletes she assists. Many of those guys were in my class.

When Claire shared Liam's story: who he is, how he's involved with the team and why he's captured so many hearts, everyone in class understood we were let in on something special. The football players listened to Claire and added to her moment of grace. I realized his impact was too beautiful not to share beyond the gridrion and Room 202. The story you will read below was in the Spring issue of Genesis—the alumni magazine of St. Ignatius, but it will also stay with me as the high of this school year. 

It was an honor for me to have Claire as my student, to see the football players treat this young man with love and kindness and to interview him and his dad. Here's some insight into who he is.

From Genesis: Come to a varsity boys’ football game and it’s likely that you will notice an eighth-grade boy running along the sidelines, high-fiving the players and cheering on the Wildcats. He talks the ear off of the athletic directors, assists the managers, and wants to know why the school doesn’t have a pep band.

That redheaded boy, Liam Caraher is an extra needs kid—and the nephew of assistant coach Tim Caraher His father, Pete Caraher said, “ever since my brother started coaching at SI, all Liam ever wanted to do was go on the field and really experience football.”

Born with a motor-planning issue, Apraxia affects Liam’s speech and causes some cognitive delays. It hasn’t, however, dampened his love for SI football or his desire to be an unofficial member of the team.

Five years ago, Coach Caraher introduced Liam to players and brought him onto the field after games. His role however changed two years ago when a varsity captain and the quarterback went out of their way to include him and make him feel welcome. In doing so, Liam and the team have never been the same.

Pete said “these boys have been accepting and supportive of my son. They never treated him differently. Instead the realized he just does things differently.” According to senior captain Alex Griffith, “Liam is everyone's biggest fan and just one of the guys.”

Claire added, “I see the impact Liam has on the team at every game. It's the brotherly love he shares with all the players. Whether they be poking each other on the sidelines or giving each other a fist bump after a good play, it is easy for Liam to meet a new friend. He clearly idolizes each of the boys, but the entire football program idolizes his spirit for SI Football.”

It’s inspiring to learn about the symbiosis of this relationship. “These young men have made my son the happiest 12-year old boy in the Bay Area.” This year, the team honored Liam with two football jerseys. “I got #60 for home and #46 for away games!” said Liam.

“Liam's positive spirit and excitement each and every day had a huge impact on my life and motivated our team to grow closer together,” said quarterback Ryan Hagfelt.

That spirit was evidenced in the locker room after a disappointing loss. Alex Grifftih said, “everyone was either silent or had their head down in tears. When we began to talk about our memories of the season, Freddie reminded us that it was Liam's birthday that day. He came to the middle and we sang Happy Birthday to him. He began to cry out of happiness and excitement.

“It was very special for us to be included in that moment.” Pete said, “Every senior shared something. It was so obvious by what they said that teamwork, compassion and responsibility are core values of the program. I am confident my son will be a successful member of society knowing that these boys are watching out for him.”

Liam and SI Varsity Football Managers

He added, “Liam will probably never be able to attend SI, or play organized football or any other sport. That’s okay because he knows in his heart that he is a member of a team that accepts and welcomes him as a teammate.”

Talking to those involved in the SI football program about Liam Caraher reminded me of the words of Mother Teresa. She wrote, "What I can do, you cannot. What you can do, I cannot. But together we can do something beautiful for God." 

By some standards, there are many things that Liam cannot do. But to see Liam join the team in Wildcat jacks and stand in the locker room before, during and after games, you see much more than what he can do. You see something beaiutiful.

Claire said,  “When he sees the boys start to line up in the end zone, he drops everything and says, "I gotta go see my boys."

What could be more beautiful than that?

The High-Low Ritual: My Top 5

A great friend & colleague to share "high/low" with!

I have always believed that Commencement is a time to look back, before moving into the future. Even though I am not graduating, every year I make a point of reflecting upon the graces of the year. This exercise became a ritual with a former colleague over a pint after Baccalaureate Mass. He had us share our highs and lows for the year. In recognizing the joys and the challenges with a friend, I was able to see each year affords unique gifts. Even some burdens became blessings. Not all....but many did. This year was no exception. And I would like this posting to be a Top 5 list of the 2014-2015 school year's highs. 

We start with the lows—graduation is also a time for celebration, so we aim to get the hard stuff out of the way. The details of these will be sparse, as this might not be the appropriate venue for such sharing and each would require more and necessary context. They are in no particular order. 

They are: the death of a cross-country parent, at one point in the year seriously questioning if I was still able to reach students anymore, accepting that my ability to run has become compromised to the point that I should not run with the cross country team, and disillusionment with some folks I trust.

The lows are tough. Tragedy still hurts. But many of these challenges have served as a pathway to a new opportunity or understanding. For the grace in that, I am grateful. And the fact that my Top 5 moments of the year are all rooted in Sports and Spirituality affirms the grace in this discipline. Here goes!

5. The Great Pink Out.
Sometimes in life, things just come together in a way that screams: serendipity. On October 1, 2014, the Giants played the Pittsburgh Pirates in the single-game for the National League Wildcard spot. The Pirates had the winningest record at home in NL. This do-or-die game took place on the eve of WCAL I: a practice day that the SI girls cross country team designates as our spirit day.

Per tradition, the captains chose a theme. Orange and Black for our Giants was an easy choice, but October is also breast cancer awareness month. The girls called for a great "Pink Out" to be highlighted by Giants hats or gear. However, I just read of a great cause that combines awareness, education and charitable efforts for single mothers with breast cancer. I read about it in the San Francisco GIANTS magazine. The rest of the story is here.

4. My Golf Boys
Coming this Fall, I will have 10 "golf girls." I am really looking forward to serving as the head coach of the St. Ignatius girls junior varsity golf team. I have finally accepted that the way I run—which is now a very slow jog—and the pace our girls cross country team runs are not compatible. Ten years wit SI XC; It was a great run (pun intended!)

3 of the 6

This spring, the JV boys golf coach encouraged me to accompany him to practice. I played a few rounds with the guys, talked trash on the driving range and handed out a lot of encouragement (they did too!). In May, I had the opportunity to join the varsity boys coach for the California Central Coast Sectional Championship. I drove the van, we shared a practice round, broke bread together and I followed their final match of the year. We had a total blast; a former golf coach referred to a high school boys golf team as a bunch of "squids." Nothing could be further from the truth...and they became MY golf boys. You can read about them here.

3. Klay Thompson's 37 Points
I would like to thank this Splash Brother for his perfect timing. The shooting guard out of Washington State dropped 37 points in the third quarter in a game against the Sacramento Kings. In doing so, Mr. Thompson secured an NBA record: the most points by a player in a single quarter and he electrified my course, Sports and Spirituality. 

In this Religious Studies elective, I teach about a "flow," a concept coined by a psychologist and author Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. As written in an outstanding article "Experiencing Life's Flow" by Patrick Kelly, 

Csíkszentmihályi criticized the discipline of psychology for attending too exclusively to the negative or dysfunctional aspects of human experience. His goal was to understand the phenomenology of human development and well-being in general. In the course of his research, he discovered a “common experiential state” that people described during their participation in sports and other activities. He refers to this as “flow” because the respondents themselves often used the word when asked about their experience. Flow, as he uses that word, “denotes the wholistic sensation present when we act with total involvement. It is the kind of feeling after which one nostalgically says: ‘That was fun,’ or ‘That was enjoyable.’”

And the beauty of the Flow channel is that age, race, creed, financial status is irrelevant. Anyone can enter into the flow when the appropriate challenge meets one's skill set. If you're interested, you can read more in Csíkszentmihályi's  book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience or you can simply watch highlights of Thompson's performance and see what it looks like. It's more than "fun." It's incredible.

2. The Day After the World Series
I don't think I ever realized just how special a 7-game World Series can be. I suppose those on the winning side of them know exactly what I am talking about. 

Travis Ishikawa's clutch hit in NLCS!

I don't think many San Francisco Giants fans ever would have thought that team would pull off their third World Series title in five years (see point #5 for more evidence). Although it may have felt as though the 2014 Sportsman of the Year singlehandedly brought home that beautiful trophy, it was the managing and coaching, it was the clutch hits by unlikely and likely heroes. 

The Giants beat the Royals in Kansas City on a Wednesday night. I will never forget the energy that filled the hallways at school the next morning. Everyone was smiling. The joy was palpable. The celebration that took place on the field at Kaufmann Stadium continued in our hallways that special day. Makes me smile thinking about it now.

1. A Boy Named Liam: Something Beautiful for God.
This story merits its own posting. The highest high. Read it here.

Photo Credits
Klay
Ishikawa

What You Say, What You Do AND How You Make People Feel

Maya Angelou once wrote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." With all due respect to the late poet, I would like to politely disagree. 

“One of the potential spiritual lessons
of sports comes in its ability to connect 
people–to each other as well as to a
team of strangers.” —Dr. Michael Tino

As a teacher, I work very hard so that my students will remember what I say. Or rather, not what I said, but what great authors, theologians, poets and artists and in my course, athletes have spoken or written for us to hear. I also think it invaluable that they know—again—not only what I did, but what their peers, mentors, coaches and heroes have done. Feelings are not facts. They are important, but they can also be wrong. 

However, what I believe Ms. Angelou was pointing to is the power of an encounter. The ability for one person to connect to another should not be underestimated. When we treat the other with respect and kindness, when we listen and seek to understand, we can't help but appreciate and remember that action. 

In a recent project, I was struck my how many of my students recalled the importance of the Golden Rule. As Matthew 7:12 states, "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. This is the law and the prophets." I was also moved by what they identified as important and memorable from our course readings. So here's a display of what people have said...what they have done...and from that, I guess you'll get a sense of how it makes them feel. Enjoy

“I said to coach, ‘I was a 7-foot high jumper in high school, why don’t I go over the top'?"—Bo Jackson (ESPN Films:  You Don't Know Bo)

We must recognize that narratives matter. —The National Catholic Review

“Soccer was the best way I knew to be a part of a community” —Nick Pugliese

The 2015 MVP

"During peak experiences,  one finds connectedness with the universe around us-sometimes one is overwhelmed with that sense of being part and parcel of a vast and wondrous creation....I thought of women's basketball."

Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race. –Eric Liddell

“We are part of a universe, that part has become conscious of itself,
wherin everything yearns for something beyond just itself." —Ron Rolheiser

Photo Credits
Thank you to my seniors, Class of 2015!