Beyond Good Vibes: Prayers for Damar Hamlin

"Prayer works."

"Pray for Damar."

"Prayer is real. And it's powerful."

Perhaps you heard these words in the days following the Bills vs. Bengals game.

The Monday Night Football game for Week 17 of the NFL season changed the tenor around the water cooler. The Tuesday morning conversation did not entertain typical questions such as Who won? Did they cover the spread? Who is now on injured reserve? or How did the outcome affect rankings for the playoffs.? Oddly, strangely and beautifully, a lot of talk  focused on prayer—not good vibes or thoughts and prayers. Prayer. 

Hamlin, a safety for the Buffalo Bills, collapsed January 2, 2023 after tackling Bengals receiver Tee Higgins during a routine play. According to a statement by the Bills, the 24-year-old athlete suffered cardiac arrest following the hit. Gina Christian – OSV News wrote, "Medics worked for 10 minutes to restore Hamlin’s heartbeat as Bills team and staff members knelt in a tight prayer circle around him. Hamlin was admitted to the University of Cincinnati (UC) Medical Center, initially sedated and on a ventilator."

Video circulated online of Bengals fans reciting the Lord’s Prayer in the stands. On ESPN analyst Dan Orlovsky, a former N.F.L. quarterback, told his colleagues on the live broadcast that “it’s just on my heart that I want to pray.” Bowing his head and closing his eyes, he did so. 

While it's not uncommon for athletes to thank God or give credit to their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I have never seen an analyst go off script in this way. What might be even more interesting is that those in the studio appeared to be equally engaged and ready to join him. 

Tre Tipton, CEO of a Pittsburgh-based mental health coaching firm and a former wide receiver for the University of Pittsburgh claimed “Damar got the whole world to pray. God allowed Damar to get the whole world to pray.” 

The whole world? Not sure about that? But millions of people? I think so.

In the past five to ten years I have noticed that the number of people who are comfortable using the word "prayer"has decreased. Many are hesitant to ask for prayers. Others are reluctant to offer prayers for someone or something. Whereas I once heard someone say "I will pray for you" before a surgery, a job interview, and travel, today I hear "I will be thinking good thoughts."

One reason for offering "thoughts and prayers" is the fear that we might offend someone. I would argue whether or not one is religious, spiritual or both, if YOU believe in God—if you are a person of prayer—to offer to pray for someone is a gift. When I have heard those words they have brought me comfort and connection in a way that sending "good vibes" does not. 

Prayer isn’t a magical formula for getting what we want, and it isn’t reserved for ‘holy’ people, people practicing a faith tradition or for special times or places. Prayer is talking to God.

What happened with Damar Hamlin got people talking to God. He changed the narrative. We continue to hear people praying for him and his ongoing recovery. We also hear society asking a lot of questions. We should. 

The good news is that a life of prayer, more than likely, reveals more questions than answers.  And prayer enables us to live with the questions.

In his memoir Night, Elie Wiesel writes,

And why do you pray, Moishe?  I asked him. 

I pray to God that he gives me the strength to ask Him the right questions.

A fair question is not "Did these prayers work? but "Why? "Why did Damar survive? How it is that he lived and others die?" Big questions. Honest questions? Are they the right ones? Another good question.

The book Praying with Thomas Aquinas, states

Aquinas argued that by God's design we do cause things to occur when we petition God in prayer, not because we change God's will, but because God has willed that if we pray, certain things will happen. If we do not pray, those things will not happen. In recognizing those things, we grow in recognizing our dependence on God and on the meaning of God's will for us.

Aquinas' conviction calls me to pray and to really give myself—my time and attention to prayer.

Bills tight end Dawson Knox, said “Prayer is real, and it’s powerful. Constantly praying for Damar and his family."  Aquinas would approve. I agree.

What questions did the events surrounding Damar Hamil raise for you? Did you bring any of those questions to prayer? Are you comfortable offering to pray for someone? How do you feel when someone offers to pray for you?

God's love and grace has worked through the most popular sport in America to heal and help us consider what we believe and why.

Sending Damar, his family, friends and teammates love and prayers.

Photo Credits
Damar
Family Note
prayer Circle

Breathing As Prayer: Now is the Time

Prayer is very personal. What works for one person—prayers from memory, reading Scripture, song or the Rosary might not work for another. This is both the beauty and the challenge of prayer. Prayer can be communal or individual, it can be verbal or physical. Your preferred style of prayer will most likely reflect your personality, and it should! Prayer is, after all "lifting our hearts and minds to God" or if you want to just cut to the chase: communication with The Divine.

Athletes intuitively know the value of breath. Today, we appreciate that more than ever

In my book Pray and Practice with Purpose: A Playbook for the Spiritual Development of Athletes, I sought to include much more than a long list of prayers. My goal was to include prayers that will resonate with different coaches and athletes. Typically, the collective personality of a basketball team is different than that of the rowing crew. Girls' tennis might respond to one type of prayer and boys' water polo in another. How does a coach know how to pray? Some of it might be trial and error. However, we know ourselves and over time, we know our athletes. Use what feels comfortable for you as this will help those you lead feel comfortable too. You will gain a sense of what "works" and what doesn't. 

The process of elimination is another way to figure out what to use and when. For example, 
one style of prayer that I did not naturally take to is "Breathing as Prayer." An active runner for years, this type of prayer should not have been a stretch for me. I love the tradition and idea behind it, but I cannot honestly say this would do this on my own or lead my team through it regularly....until now.

As many people know the fires in Northern California (Paradise and Butte County) are considered the most devastating wildfire in the state's history. According to CBS New "the death toll from the "Camp Fire" in Northern California has increased to 71 while authorities try to locate 1,011 people who are unaccounted for. The blaze is now 55 percent contained after consuming more than 148,000 acres." Homes and habitats are gone. Here in San Francisco, over 180 miles away, the air quality has been so hazardous that schools and government agencies have closed. People are advised to stay indoors. Public transportation is free. Those who venture outside are wearing face masks. Never before I have appreciated the air we breathe more than today...than right now.

The very air we breath is a gift. I have always known that is true. I don't think I have taken that fact for granted and yet, I cannot help but be reminded of this truth as I look outside my window, as I make choices for how I can exercise—indoors, and as I think of the first responders and their health/well-being. This prayer is an important one to pray; it is a natural one to offer. 

We live in hope that the fire will be contained. We pray that those affected can and will rebuild their lives and find support in ways they never thought possible. We extend gratitude to those working tirelessly to meet the many needs resulting from the devastation. And when we can, let us use our breath—to pray,  Here's how. 

This is the second example among 30 ways to pray with and for your athletes. If you would like to order a copy of the book, please contact me.

Breathing as Prayer

“O breathe on me, thou breath of God.
Fill me with life anew; that I may love what you would love.
And do what you would do.” —Edwin Hatch 

When asked how he prayed, the Trappist monk and author Thomas Merton said, “I breathe.” He probably meant that prayer should be and could be as simple and natural as breathing—or talking to a friend. Each breath we take is a gift from God. Without breath, we wouldn’t live. We know this is true in a literal sense. I believe it’s true in a figurative one as well. Prayer gives meaning to our life, because it draws us into relationship with God. 

The root of the word for spirituality is spiritus, which means “breath.” When God breathed into Adam, he came to life. Adam’s spirit was born. In the Acts of the Apostles, we read that the risen Christ breathed on the disciples. It was an important gesture; Jesus wanted them to know that His Holy Spirit would always be with them….and us! Indeed, the Spirit abides.

Paying attention to our breath might not be a common exercise for most people. It is, however, a regular component of athletic training in many sports. For example, swimming and running all require disciplined breathing. If breathing exercises are something an athletes already practices, or would like practice, why not allow for these exercises to serve an opportunity for prayer too? 

Breathing exercises as prayer can be a wonderful symbiosis of a physical and spiritual exercise.

Keys to Success

1. Find a quiet place to sit. 
• This will depend on your sport: It might be in the end zone or on the pool deck. For rowers, it might be on the dock. 
• It’s important to invite athletes to pray in the middle of where they spend their time…not apart from it.
2. Close your eyes and take ten deep breaths.
• It’s helpful for students to have a sense of how long they will be engaged in the exercise. 
3. Focus on your breathing, expanding your stomach when you breathe in.
4. Each time you exhale, thank God for a blessing in your life.
• a good day, your family, the ability to compete, a healthy body, nourishing food, teammates who have become friends, those who have taught you how to play your sport.
5. When you are done, sit for a while longer and just enjoy the silence before heading back to your day, practice, etc. 

Photo Credits

Male runner

The Chicken Runs at Midnight...Alleluia

Pope Francis wakes up every morning at 4:30 a.m. to pray for an hour and half. 90 minutes! He then presides over the holy sacrifice of the Mass, another way of prayer. No wonder the Holy Father is able to do what he does—walk along the peripheries, touch those in need, and extend mercy; he is rooted in a relationship with God. That anchor is prayer.

Throughout my adult life, I have read the daily readings everyday...and then strayed from them. Reading the Gospel is a powerful way to start my day. Why I commit to reading them is obvious to me. Your words Oh Lord as spirit and life. And why I let things go and break that habit? I'm not so sure.

My advice to anyone who wants to be more like Francis in his spiritual discipline, is to pick a form and way of prayer that "works." Maybe it's reading the daily devotionals like Living with Christ or This Day. For me, it has been reading and praying with Faith ND. Reading the Good News lives up to its name; it's a good, better and best experience—if there is such a thing. Yesterday's reading and reflection was one of them.

First, I love the 50 days of the Easter season, Eastertide. Christ dwells in these liminal places, between heaven and earth. He has yet to return to the Father (still not sure what that means) and yet we know he has been crucified, he died, was buried and rose from the dead. Alleluia! He appears and reappears. He continues to teach and sets hearts on fire. He is with his disciples but is seeking to relate to them in a new way.

When Joe Reis connected this Gospel reading to what he studied in psychology, I was hooked. AP Psychology is a very popular course for seniors at St. Ignatius where I teach. Anytime I have a chance to connect theology and psychology, I can and I will. Call me Ms Cross Curriculum, I believe these two subjects can compliment each other for a new level of understanding. But the connections didn't stop there; it prompted me to think of the Communion of Saints.

I believe in the Communion of Saints. I say it with conviction. I have written about it many times and love teaching what it means to my students. This was a new and welcome way to teach about this rich Catholic tradition.

So, yesterday was a good day. I prayed this Gospel reading  with my seniors, shared Joe's reflection. I gave the psych experts in my class a chance to speak about object permanence and then share with them my favorite example of the Communion of Saints. I can't believe I haven't written about it before. No time like the present.

As seen in the video "Champions of Faith" long time MLB baseball coach Rich Donnelly had strayed from his Catholic faith. He was embarrassed to go to Mass. His priorities were far from the Church. That is, until his 18 year old daughter Amy got a brain tumor.

Amy, his only daughter had a zest for life and a creative perspective on it. She once asked her father: What do you yell at your players when you are standing in the third base coach's box: The chicken runs at midnight, or what? Where she came up with that thought and why— the Donnellys did not know. But, it caught on. In fact, Amy once called her dad on the road and told the traveling secretary to write the following on a written phone message "The Chicken Runs at Midnight. Love, Amy."

Amy underwent chemo and radiation, but died of cancer. Her two brothers decided they would inprint one message on her tombstone. It said:

Donnelly stayed in MLB and away from his faith. When Amy died, I wonder if anyone had told him about the Communion of Saints. I hope they did. Here's why:

Jim Heft has written, "Catholics believe in the "communion of saints." Even though people die, we stay in touch with them and they with us. How is this possible? It is possible through Baptism by which we enter into the death and resurrection of Jesus. Even though Jesus died, he rose from the dead, remaining even more present than when he was on earth to all who believed in him. We live in Christ. Those who have died believing in Christ remain alive in him." 

In 1997, five years after Amy's death, Rich Donnelly had the good fortune of being in the World Series, coaching the Florida Marlins. In Game 7 against the Cleveland Indians, Craig Counsell led off the eleventh inning with a single. Counsell was known as "the Chicken" because he would flap his arms like one in his batting stance. He moved to third and when one of his teammates hit a single up the middle, he scored from third base to win the championship. Donnelly's two sons, were sitting in the stands. They hugged and greeted their father and one of them said with tears in his eyes, "Dad! Look at the clock!!!" Donnelly looked up to see the time, not knowing what he was talking about. Brian said "Dad the chicken ran at midnight."

That was a turning point for Rich Donnelly and his Catholic faith. He said that moment, which I believe is sacramental, reminded him to return to another way of being.

Any relationship rooted in love seeks to do good for another, even long after death. As object permanence suggests, "presence can continue even if something or someone is no longer observable through the senses." Rich Donnelly came to realize that returning to his faith not only brought him closer to God but to his daughter Amy, albeit in a new way. That is the Communion of saints. I have come understand it in my own life. I've also realized that prayer, the Gospel, daily readings and more help me pay attention to what the Saints and everyday saints want me to hear. I wouldn't mind it if "the chicken runs at midnight" was it...blessed be.

The full story of the Chicken Runs at Midnight can be found here

Photo Credits
Pope Francis prayer
Faith ND
Saints
Amy's tombstone

Take Time for Paradise....or at least a Golf Scramble

In Take Time for Paradise: Americans and Their Games, the late A. Bartlett Giamatti wrote, "It has long been my conviction that we can learn far more about the conditions, and values, of a society by contemplating how it chooses to play, to use its free time, to take its leisure, than by examining how it goes about it work. I am hardly the first to think so, and I trust I will not be the last." Giamatti was a philosopher, President of a university (Yale) and commissioner of MLB from 1988-1989. If anyone could determine this realization it is he.

And yet, what concerns me today is that adults my age, my colleagues and co-workers do not take time for leisure with others. Quite often it feels as though all we do is work and head home. I believe not using our free time for play—is detrimental to our society. 

I also believe that we have made play so constructed, regimented and specialized for young people that it becomes work. For an eight year old to renounce all other sport to specialize in one may increase the likelihood of success, but causes a change in attitude. It may remain a labor of love, but I see the emphasis on "labor" increasing.

This is my favorite photo from the day. Our principal with one of our captains.
He is one of the busier people I know. But he NEVER tells you that or complains about it.
That's what the truly busy people don't do.

These fears underscore one reason—among many—why I was tremendously grateful for the teachers, faculty and parents who showed up to play on the final day of the St. Ignatius junior varsity golf team's season. That's right, we finished our season: 9-1 and clinched the league title by besting the one team that beat us the day before. But I didn't want to conclude our season with just a league match. I wanted to end it doing what we do best...with the reason why girls join the team in the first place...to play, to leisurely compete with one another and in this case, for the greater glory of God. More on that in a moment.

This posting will serve as my urging for all coaches to consider concluding your season in a similar way. Gather your athletes for one final meeting that involves play. Take time for paradise. Part of me thinks we can't afford not to...

John (on left) was the girls' coach last year. He will work with JV boys this year. He bring joy to all he meets.

This is what we did.
All girls were asked to invite a guest of their choice. I shared a list of faculty members who I know play golf. It was fun for me to hear from my golfers who they wanted to include in our scramble. They asked a number of their teachers, the principal and their counselors. All who were asked were touched by the invitation, regardless if they could attend or not. Those who played enjoyed their pairings and the day.

Four girls on the team brought their fathers. This was especially meaningful as these men were their teachers and their first coaches in golf. It's special to play a game with a family member, even more to compete with (not against) someone you love.

After welcome remarks, one of my golfers delivered her quote of the day. This is a ritual I implemented to commence practice and get girls' heads and hearts focused. One quote is sports and one is spiritual. More often than not, the golf quote relates to life; it was great to hear what insights on faith these young women find meaningful. Here were our quotes from that day!

Sports Quote:  Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding & maddening—& it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. —Arnold Palmer  

Spiritual Quote: When God pushes edge, trust him fully, because only two things will happen. He will either catch you when you fall or teach you how to fly. 

Each golfer then introduced themselves, what year they are in school and their guest. I loved it when Rachel "This is my Dad, Theo. I got my athletic abilities and my blue eyes from him."

The team then presented their guests with their "psych buddy" gifts. During the season, two golfers work together to present their teammates with their own, unique psych buddy gift on the day of a match. These gifts have two parts: one is edible and one is golf related. This season, we ate our fair share of brownies and cookies. I also now have a handmade red and blue hair bow, numerous golf balls painted with our mascot's paw prints in our school colors and more. Psych buddy gifts prove that girls rule.

After explaining the rules of the scramble (each pairing had to use a JV girls' drive four times in the round, and circle that hole on the score card), we gathered for prayer. Parents often see their son or daughter praying as a team, but it's rare that they get to participate in it. We prayed for friends and family, we gave thanks for the opportunity to play sport, for safe transportation throughout the season and for new friends.  Holding hands we said the Prayer of Generosity, a prayer that all students at St. Ignatius know by heart. 

From that point, the games began. Faculty and parents were able to see the talent on our team. And girls on the team were able to see the abilities of their guests. One parent took photos for our team during a match and on this special day. I was so touched that he too would participate and share in our day of leisure using his gifts and talents.

I understand why Giamatti refers to sport as "paradise." To play and to make this time for leisure allowed a team that had worked together for two months to share who they are and what they have become with those they care about. It truly is the manifestation of the letters that our athletes have on their uniforms: AMDG. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam—For the Greater Glory of God. Paradise won't be much different than this day....

These smiles say it all. AMDG

Photo Credits:
Special Thanks to Tri Nguyen for the wonderful photos he took of this family/team. 

Pope Francis' 5 Finger Prayer for Coaches and Athletes

Anyone who is a teacher and a coach knows that this point in the season—close to midterms and deep in the thick of league competition—is a busy time of year. On a daily basis, I teeter between feelings of real love and appreciation for the JV golf team I have gotten to know so well and total inadequacy at what I do. I've missed meetings and memos. My communication is unclear and misunderstood. Because I've been working so much when someone asks "what's new?" I don't know what to say. I said to another teacher-coach, "I don't know the last time I had an original thought."

And then I remembered...that's not true. I encountered the Five Finger Prayer of Pope Francis and made it my own. It's a simple prayer, yet a beautiful one. And the Holy Father made it that was so that anyone can pray it. If you don't know that pray, here it is.

1. The thumb is the closest finger to you. So start praying for those who are closest to you. They are the persons easiest to remember. To pray for our dear ones is a “sweet obligation.”

2. The next finger is the index. Pray for those who teach you, instruct you and heal you. They need the support and wisdom to show direction to others. Always keep them in your prayers.

3. The following finger is the tallest. It reminds us of our leaders, the governors and those who have authority. They need God’s guidance.

4. The fourth finger is the ring finger. Even that it may surprise you, it is our weakest finger. It should remind us to pray for the weakest, the sick or those plagued by problems. They need your prayers.

5. And finally, we have our smallest finger, the smallest of all. Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. When you are done praying for the other four groups, you will be able to see your own needs but in the proper perspective, and also you will be able to pray for your own needs in a better way.

One day before practice I realized: we could use the other hand! My original thought of the month made this prayer sports specific. Athletics is made possible because so many people give their time, talent and treasure. They are people we can and should remember in prayer. 

Coaches, lead your athletes in this prayer that you can say together and teach it to them so that can also offer this prayer on their own.

1. The thumb: pray for the teammates you have had past and present. Pray for those you are have grown close to, thanks to your sport. Give thanks to God for the joy they bring to the grind of daily practice, the struggle of competition, in the agony of defeat and the shared joy of victory.

2. The index: pray for your coaches past and present. Pray in thanksgiving for the men and women who have selflessly given their time so that you can learn new skills, that you can develop your talents and participate in games. Add another prayer for your team captains and those teammates who help you improve and push you to be your best self.

3. The middle finger: (haha, let's all recognize that may sound funny to some): Pray for the athletic director(s) in your school community and the league officials who allow for the organization of games, contests and league standings. Pray for the referees who see that our fields are fair. These people have authority; they too need God's guidance.

4. The ring finger: Who on your team is battling an injury? Pray for your teammates who are hurt or sick. Pray for those who may suffer without our knowledge. Lord, bring healing to all those in need.

5. The pinky: Again, this prayer is for you. Thank the good Lord for the gifts you are able to uniquely share with your team.

As a coach, I have noticed the "easiest" time to pray with your team is before a competition. Perhaps you and your athletes want more. Maybe you want to pray with them on a more regular basis or in a setting away from the pregame routine. This prayer is an easy place to start because it's so invitational. I believe that students are curious about praying in this way—it's different. It's as simple and tactile. Adding to the prayer with a sports lens can serve as a bridge for what you may desire to share and pray as one.

Everywhere that he went in the United States, Pope Francis asked others to pray for him. Offering this prayer is an easy and wonderful way to do that!

Photo Credits
Five Finger Simple
SI Girls: Thank you, Mr. Nguyen!