What Every Teacher and Coach Must Do...Thank You Coach Kelly

The last day of class is always bittersweet. More sweet than bitter...bitter than sweet (thank you Big Head Todd). On the final day, I try to recall favorite moments from the past year, laughs, great stories, important lessons learned and I extend my gratitude to my students. This year, I discovered an important truth on that final day; a realization brought about from the words of Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly. 

In a speech I heard last week, Coach Kelly said "if you had asked me 15 years ago whether or not I like my athletes, I would have told you it doesn't matter. So long as you can run or score for me, I doesn't matter if I like you or not. But knowing what I am missing out on with my own family, I decided I had to like these guys." Upon hearing his remarks, I wondered how he did that. I thought to myself, How does that happen—did he put a fuss-ball table in his office? If I decide to like someone or something, will I? And what does it take to like a group of young people? What tips would he give? 

And then I realized as I prepared my final remarks for my Sports and Spirituality class, a rambunctious group of 20 boys and 5 girls—that I did what he did. I decided to like them. And guess what, it worked.

The Class of 2016, 5th Period

An important ritual on the final day of class is an all class sharing. Each student is asked to share the following:

1. A favorite story or passage from Scripture that we have studied this year. Why does it stand out for you? Why do you believe this is important? What is the lesson it offers?
2. Identify concept OR a person that you feel is important and has helped you gain a better understanding of yourself, of the world, of human nature, of your faith, etc. It might be Praydreaming, Theodicy, Compassion or Scripture as Scalpel: To harm or to heal. Maybe it’s Jacob, Jesus, the women at the tomb, etc.NB: There might be some overlap between #1 and #2
3. Identify one person in this class who has made a contribution with their personal sharing as a partner, as a positive presence, as a group member, overall in the class, etc. Please think creatively and thank them for their contribution.  Bottom line: this class is better because she/he is in it!

It is a wonderful way to conclude the year as I love to learn what stands out as important, what resonated with my kids and more often than not—those students who gave of themselves: to the course and to one another get some recognition. In turn, I summarize much of what they share and then I get to give my thanks. This year, I shared Coach Kelly's story. 

I tell them when I first heard this, "I didn't get it. But as I look around this room, I do." I told them "about a month into this semester, I decided I would like you. I had to if we were going to survive." 

It might seem like a given that a teacher would like their students...and that they should like their students. We do. But we'e also waged war against them and in those times both parties lose. It's no way to be.

As I share my story, I look at the one student who refused to button his collared shirt on a daily basis. Or I look at another who did everything in his power to come and go—in and out of class—as he pleased. I remember how they would clap for each other ad nasuseum: whether it be compelling or completely asinine. So many of these second semester seniors had a full blown case of senioritis....in January! I had been there before, but I hadn't always handled it this way.

I can't remember the exact switch, but one of the days they were more engaged in the curriculum than not...they were feeling generous and maybe I was too. I let my guard down, I genuinely laughed with them, and at them (as they do). Something changed. I liked them not for who I thought they could be, but who they were right now. 

I told my sophomores I should quit now, I'm not sure I'll have a better group than this one...

Every class is different. I taught sophomores for the first time in 12 years. I didn't want anything to do with this course and I almost felt as though I were duped into teaching it. But God's grace was manifested in the group of 28 students. They were fantastic.  I never told them how much I appreciated them until today, the last day of class. I didn't want to jinx it. I told them I committed to liking my seniors...but I never had to do that with them.  I liked them from the start.

St. Paul says that "Love is an act of the will." As a teacher and a coach, our primary duty is to love those entrusted in our care. I think the ability to do that rests in a commitment to do so—again not for who they might be or who we want them to be...but who they actually are. Liking them along the way certainly helps. And what I found is there was a lot to like. There was plenty to not be thrilled about, but their wit, their zany personalities, their prayers, hopes and concerns, their work...that's just the start of it.

Photo Credits
Coach Kelly

My 10 Minutes with Coach Brian Kelly

I honestly think one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person is your undivided attention. My ten-minute conversation at the inaugural Notre Dame Family wines event and dinner with Brian Kelly, head football coach for the Fightin' Irish, affirmed my belief.

My friend Steve and I talked to Coach Kelly about everything and nothing in particular. But reflecting back on it now, I realize we exchanged ideas about some of my favorite things. I asked him if I could serve as his caddy at the American Century Championship Golf Classic, a tourney he plays in up at Lake Tahoe every summer. He made analogies between teaching and coaching. He shared thoughts on working with athletes today, about his Kelly Cares Foundation and its annual Football 101: For women only. And I talked to him about what consumed my imagination this past Fall: "A Season with Notre Dame Football." 

Showtime Sports claims that this series allows the viewer to "Go inside the locker room and coaching offices for never-before-seen footage of what goes into the makings of a champion college team." While most college football fans anticipate game day, I couldn't wait for Tuesday evenings September through November to watch the latest episode. 

This program invested me in the team and the players in a new way. I was able to see their work ethic, the demands of college football today, the different personalities, challenges, and of course the thrill or victory and the agony of defeat. (I showed multiple clips in my Sports and Spirituality class...shamelessly...unapologetically...to which my students said more often than not "Can we watch the rest of this?!") I came to know and love so many different players: DeShone Kizer, Jaylon Smith, Tori Hunter Jr., Devin Butler. But, one person captured my focus and attention more than anyone: Coach Brian Kelly. I spent the entire season psychoanalyzing him. I was desperate to get a better read on a man who is in one of the most and least enviable position in athletics.

Having the opportunity to talk to him one on one, hearing his speech, and considering what I've witnessed on the sidelines every Saturday (and Tuesday night), I have collected hundreds of thoughts. But one emerged; it crystallized from that one evening. I think it is one that many Irish fans will know and understand: Brian Kelly has grown into his role as Head Coach of Notre Dame. And I like it.

I should tell you the impressive stats and stories he shared about Notre Dame football. For example, Team 127 had not only six players taken in the first round of the NFL draft, they also earned he highest GPA of any football team in Fightin' Irish history. Perhaps wide receiver Corey Robinson has something to do with it. I hear he has a genius IQ; he will also serve as student body president next year. (Coach Kelly said he won the election with full party support). Who does that? Play football AND serve in student government? The Admiral's son, a man who deserves his own nickname, that's who.

I enjoyed learning Coach Kelly's path to the position as the head coach of Notre Dame. One step included coaching women's' softball, at his alma mater—Assumption College—where he also served as linebackers coach and defensive coordinator. The first time BK ever set foot in South Bend was when he accepted the job in December 2009. As someone who hadn't visited ND until I arrived there as a Freshman in August of 1992, I could relate. Though most people in the room were shocked to hear his story, I understood. Notre Dame is where Coach Kelly wanted to be. I get that.

He told us that Team 127 performed 2500 hours of community service and participated in 37 distinct community events. Right now, 11 men on the team are studying abroad and many others are working internships throughout the country. He successfully painted a portrait of a student consistent with his message "We are looking for a young man who will connect with the values of Notre Dame. How we develop and who we recruit is contingent on finding that fit. It's my job to recruit, retain and develop these players."

In a "Q & A" that followed his speech, an alumni said, "I watched A Season with Notre Dame Football and I was surprised at just how likable the team was. Is that true?" 

Coach Kelly responded by telling us that he had been to but two of his son's high school football games this past fall. He added, "if you had asked me 15 years ago whether or not I like my athletes, I would have told you I don't care. So long as you can run or score for me, I don't care if I like you or not. But knowing what I am missing out on with my own family, I decided I had to care about these guys." His words made me pause and think: Does this mean he's recruiting guys he knows he will like? Is he now investing in his players in a new way so he can get to know them better (e.g. training table, an open office)? I would love to talk to him more about that.

People might be familiar with this face of Coach Kelly.

I would also like him to know that what I was privy to in one evening helped me understand an important idea I encountered in Jim Martin SJ's new book "The Seven Last Words of Christ: An Invitation to a Deeper Relationship with Jesus." In it, Martin writes,

More to the point, who did Jesus think he was? Did he understand himself as the Messiah? And how did he come to understand himself? His identity? His humanity? His divinity? 

Much of this must remain a mystery. But one helpful way to understand it is that Jesus grew in his understanding of his identity throughout his life. 

To begin with, it is reasonable to think that Mary would have shared with her son her experience with the Angel Gabriel, and Joseph his experiences of his dreams. All parents want to help their children understand who they are called to be, so why wouldn't Mary and Joseph try to help Jesus understand his unique vocation? As he matured, they likely spoke with him about his identity, even if they didn't fully comprehend it themselves. Much later, of course, at his baptism, Jesus has a profound experience of himself as God's "beloved son."

But even after his baptism, Jesus may have struggled to understand what this meant. We all do the same after we have had a deep insight or passed a milestone in our lives. A married couple, for example, don't fully understand marriage on their wedding day. A mother doesn't fully understand motherhood on the day of the birth of her first chid. And a priest doesn't fully understand what it means to be a priest on the day of his ordination. All of this takes time. 

The truth of growing into one's identity and the way I have seen this in the seven years Brian Kelly has coached football at Notre Dame is what I want people to know. To think that anyone should arrive at a place and serve in a position like that one and have it all figured out is unfair. It takes time. Though our world (and alums) has immediate demands, to make something like a high profile coaching position one's own demands reflection, maturity, wisdom, prayer, assistance, support, and encouragement. I don't appreciate the fans who have written Coach Kelly off for some of the mistakes he made in his first two years. The program that he has built and the players that he is shaping are ones I am very proud to be associated with. 

Watch Coach Kelly on the sidelines on any given Saturday, and he can't help but stand face to face with his quarterback or the referee. It's a role he's grown into, one that he has made his own. And I'm grateful he's sharing that with the University of Notre Dame, undivided attention and more.  Go, Irish.

Photo Credits
BK and Kizer
Coach Kelly
Season with ND Football
Angry BK