The Unwritten Chapter in the Book of Manning: Friendship Part II

When pro golfer Phil Mickelson lost the 2013 US Open, he stayed in bed for several days. His wife Amy, who has stood beside Lefty is six other second place Open finishes, said "He was a shell. It was the worst disappointment for him of any tournament, by far." If it hadn't been for his good friend and caddy, Jim "Bones" Mackay, who knows when Mickelson would have left that safe space. Mackay called and texted to make sure he would see his boss in Big Sky country. Jay Heart wrote 'The family packed the week with rafting, fly fishing, archery, shooting, a visit to Yellowstone – pretty much everything but golf and not a single spare minute. "A great week with great friends who don't care if he's the U.S. Open champion or not," is how Amy explained it."

No one is immune to loss or disappointment. Thank God for friends 

This is what friends do. They pick us up when we are down, they remind us that we need to laugh and probably find a way to make us do so! They bring chicken soup when we're cold and hand over a box of tissues when the waters works won't quit. And my sense is no one needed a friend to combat his utter disappointment in the atrocious loss in Super Bowl XLVIII more than Peyton Manning. And if I had to make a bet, that friend was either his younger brother Eli or his older brother Cooper.

As written in "The Unwritten Chapter of the Book of Manning: Friendship Part I," Cooper and Peyton became more than siblings through football. Playing on the same team back in the fall of 1991 made them friends. And it's Cooper's insight on friendship that serve as my favorite chapter in "The Book of Manning."

John Goodman, the film's narrator said "Cooper accepted a scholarship to his father’s alma mater, Ole Miss. Archie’s eldest son was ready to write his own chapter in the Book of Manning." As reported in the video:

"I went off to Ole Miss to play football for the mighty rebels and I wanted to catch a ball in the last two minutes to beat Alabama." 

"Football always takes some funny turns though," said Archie.

In 1992, Cooper Manning arrived at Ole Miss to continue the family football tradition, but something just didn’t seem right. 

Cooper said, "I really wasn't 100% at Ole Miss. My right hand had lost some strength. I had some atrophy in my right bicep so my dad and I flew to the Mayo Clinic, I had some serious testing and that's when the message started to come heavy that my football day were not an option." 

"I had what is called spinal stenosis. I played my entire career one hit away from being in a wheel chair the rest of my life." 

Archie replied "It was a tough time because Cooper was the one who said “Dad I want to play college football. I really want to play” It was hard to sit down and tell your son that his dream was over...he wasn't going to play football." 

Cooper said, "I remember going back to Ole Miss and being out there on a Friday before a game. I walked out to practice with my dad. I guess the coaches told the team that I wasn't going to play anymore. I remember some old guys, some seniors who should not have cared about a college freshman being really nice...being really good to me." 

"I think that even impressed my dad. I think he was a little surprised that these seniors—these older guys—gave a hoot about me."  

"I think what I miss most about football is—the guys. Not winning or losing or catching touchdowns, it's the locker room, the bus rides home. That was good stuff."

This scene was remarkably intimate and telling. Twenty years after the fact, and Cooper Manning—a grown man, husband and father is still brought to tears. The camera closes in on just his face; the loss of friendship manifested in the team was still palpable. It wasn't the wins, the plays, the contests, or the accolades which he mourned. It was the friends. The jokes, the pranks, the growth, the self realization that our teammates are privy to on a daily basis is what he missed. It speaks to the power of friendship. 

What Peyton wrote to his brother as a way of processing and coming to understand his condition.

"The Book of Manning" is remarkable in that each member of the family makes their own unique and striking impression—not just Peyton, nor Archie, but Eli, Olivia and especially Cooper. Maybe it is because we are the same age and worked through a major health issue, but Cooper's testimony stayed with me on a spiritual level. Yes, it's emotional (evidently both Archie and Olivia cried when they watched the tape) and yes it's sincere, but it's power lies in the fact that it rings true for 95% of my student athletes. Cooper articulates so beautifully the power of friendship: the crown jewel of the sporting life. 

Anthony Marinise OSB speaks to this truth in "Practice Makes Perfect: Growing Spiritually Through Sports Participation." 

It stands to reason to believe that teammates are already or will become friends with one another because of their shared interest in their respective sport, but also because of the great amounts of time they spend in one another’s presence as they train or compete alongside one another.  

A prayer worth praying.

Christianity is, in itself, a great call to friendship. When Jesus spoke to His Apostles and issued His great commandment to “Love one another as I have loved you,” (John 13:34) it is clear that Christ was instructing the Apostles to love as they had experienced Jesus’ love. St. John, in his first letter, reminds the faithful that “God is love.” (1 John 4:8) Following logically from St. John’s explanation of God’s nature all the while understanding that there is a type of love that exists known as “philia” or “the love of friendship,” one could understand that because God is love and love exists in friendship, then God is present in the experience of friendship.  

It is imperative for athletes to recognize that an individual’s existence as an opponent is not a valid reason for the denial or rejection of friendship. Because of the universally equal creation “in God’s image,” it is wholly possible for athletes to experience the presence of God on their respective field of play. Christ meets us in our day-to-day through the interaction of those who also share in relationship with Him; His Spirit is present in others. It is that presence that greets athletes through their interactions with others and allows them to confidently acknowledge that Christ’s Spirit “is a presence calling us to be friends.”

Maybe today you can pray for teammates past and present who have been friends—some for a season, some for several, others for a lifetime and beyond. Reflect on the ways that God has revealed Godself through the time you spent together—on the field, the bus rides, the banquets, in defeat and in victory. Amen.

Photo Credits
Bummed out Peyton
Peyton's Letter to his brother
Friendship prayer

"No" to Sibling Rivalry and "Yes" to Sibling Success—What Serena Williams Made Me Realize

The success of Serena Williams as witnessed at the Bank of the West Tennis Championship match got me thinking about a lot of things.


How she came from Compton—a part of Los Angeles that people have heard of but never visited. Renown for crime, gangs, and drugs “the city of Compton” was made famous by 2Pac after the Williams sisters left town.

What a great athlete she is. I would not want to guard her inside the paint; she is physical and aggressive. I would fear seeing her on the other side of the net in volleyball. Her reflexes are super quick and she is sure to fire up her teammates. As a rower, I am confident she would tare up the erg; she could eat the proverbial rowing machine for lunch. She has one of the strongest and most consistent serves in the game. She hits winners from the baseline. No wonder she has been number one in the world 5 different times.

How she has changed the face of the fan base at tournaments in the United States. The Palo Alto crowd was exceedingly diverse and quite obviously there to support her. Although tennis is truly an international sport, in the US the vast majority of professionals are not African American (with a few exceptions). Perhaps Serena’s example and success will change that among black youth.

And most especially, I started to think about the success of two women from the same family. You can’t talk about Serena without mentioning her sister Venus. In fact her older sister has 43 career tennis titles whereas Serena now has 38. Venus has a three-match lead in the head-to-head series, 13–10 (including the last four in a row). They have played one another twelve times in Grand Slam singles tournaments and eleven times in other tournaments (including eleven finals). They are the only women during the open era to have played each other in four consecutive Grand Slam singles finals.


Thinking about the Williams sisters I realized, It’s not sibling rivalries that fascinate me, but sibling success. I love to think of the many that have colored the pages of professional sports over the years—Peyton and Eli Manning, (football) Roberto and Sandy Alomar (baseball) The Bryan Brothers (men’s doubles), Tiki and Ronde Barber (football), Reggie, Cheryl and Darrell Miller, (basketball & baseball) John and Patrick McEnroe (should I go there?).

On May 20, 2011 Catholic San Francisco ran a story on the WBAL and CCS Section IV championship team from Sacred Heart in Atherton not because of their success but rather, there were three sets of brothers on the varsity team (including one set of twins plus their younger brother!). “During practice, the brothers’ familiarity with each other sharpened everyone’s skills. They were familiar with their counterpart’s style of play and move, which made it tough for them to score on the other.” So much for sibling rivalry!

I love to ask what was going on in the Manning household that cultivated the success for not one but two Superbowl MVPs. But after today, I started to think I may be asking the wrong question. Rather than “How can it be that from the same family came x, y and z….” Isn’t the question—why isn’t this happening more regularly? Siblings are drawing from the same gene pool, they have similar access to opportunities—lessons, facilities, programs, etc. and one common home environment to encourage and develop talent.

Considering the common forces in play, siblings who succeed in athletics should not be an anomaly. I believe the same can and should be true with regard to the spiritual life. Dickens wrote “Charity begins at home” and it’s true. A home that cultivates virtue, commits to a faith tradition, prays together and practices the faith together should be fertile ground for a rich and real relationship with God.

And we have plenty of examples to serve as role models to prove its possible. Among his apostles, Jesus chose two sets of brothers—Simon Peter and Andrew, James and John. Jesus obviously came from a holy family—his grandparents Joachim and Anne and his parents Mary and Joseph and his cousin John are each regaled as saints. We have married saints such as the peasant farmer St. Isidore his wife St. Maria and sometime in the near future, the parents of St. Therese of Lisieux—the Little Flower. Her mother and father Louis Martin and Marie Zelie Guerin were beatified by Benedict XVI in 2008.

Rather than emphasizing how dysfunctional our families are, I wish we could look to the holy ones for their example. There is no perfect family, but I do believe there is a spectrum of those who love and live differently.

And the same is true for athletes. I think it might be worth considering what these families have done to instill athletic success in one another. I have no doubt it's tough to manage sibling success over sibling rivalry, but for those parents who can and do--thank you!

Photo Credits
Serena Wins
Williams Sisters
Manning Family
Therese of Lisieux's parents

My New Year’s Resolution: Rub Some Dirt On It.

A new year, a new decade; this is a welcome thing for Notre Dame Football. Legends, a popular university owned and operated restaurant and ale house is an ND sports fan's paradise. Along the perimeter of the pub is a time ine that chronicles the success of Notre Dame athletic history with the inception of its football team in 1887. It’s a thrill to take that walk around the restaurant and note Notre Dame’s accomplishments, particularly in football: 11* National Championships, 7 Heisman trophy winners, some legendary coaches and a striking number of All-Americans over 100+ years. When you arrive at the decade we just left however—the ’00s, apart a victory in the 2009 Hawaii Bowl to end the NCAA's record nine-game bowl losing streak, Notre Dame Football is painfully M.I.A.

True, during this time the Irish flourished in other sports such as soccer and hockey and reached new heights in women's' sports, my favorite being the 2001 women’s basketball NCAA Championship, but my recommendation on this New Year’s Day is to look back upon that decade and do as my resolution suggests—rub some dirt on it.

Football has a lexicon of its own—the gridiron, first down, and in the words of every other NFL player, “it is what it is.” Perhaps one of its lesser known but more colorful phrases is to "rub some dirt on it." A player would tell a teammate to do this after a failed attempt or a missed hit. It is synonymous with to “shake it off” or to “move on.” I also hope to take this expression and apply it to my own life.

Being a Christian means I am asked to respond to the challenge and call of the Gospel. Jesus’ teachings were countercultural, even in His day. Living in an increasingly secular place, this is no easy task. I am amazed and how often I am criticized, even attacked for what the Catholic faith may ask of me. More often than not, people offer their charged personal views and ask questions of me about the church’s teachings that they do not want answered. What people may not realize however is that I take their criticisms to heart. If someone has been hurt by a negative experience in the church, I cannot help but take that personally. However, this year, I have decided that when someone launches an unsolicited criticism on what I hold as sacred, and they typically do so at an inappropriate time e.g. in a bar or during a nice dinner, I just need to “rub some dirt on it.”

I am not the sole defender of the faith, nor do I want to be. I try to keep my faith front and center of my life but this is exceedingly difficult. Fortunately, my family members, friends and mentors nurture my faith and are willing to partake in the effort required to build it. Attacks on Christianity or assaults on the Catholic Church aren’t going away (and I’ve had my own!) so this year when they do occur, I hope to remember the wisdom St. Francis who said "Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words." In 2010 and beyond, I hope that the example of my life will serve as an answer to their questions, a counter to their criticism and if it don't, let's all just "rub some dirt on it."

*stands for the 1993 National Championship that was robbed from Notre Dame by Florida State. Despite the fact ND beat FSU during the regular season, the BCS gave Bobby Bowden his title and declared FSU #1.

**I cannot write this posting without recognizing two former students. Thanks to Alex for sharing with me, 4 years ago now, the goodness that is Peyton Manning. Alex, you know where it lives. And to Roy, what you declared about your beliefs (and your family's) during your Faith Stance your senior year took a tremendous amount of courage. I know you bring that same courage to the LAX field at Cornell.

Photo Credits
Irish Win
Manning
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