A good story offers more than a laugh or a shared memory. As someone who collects stories, I have come to believe the best ones spark a realization or reveal a truth. I try to share a story in such a way that it prompts students to think critically and creatively. I find this to be a worthy challenge. It energizes me. I invite always invite students to respond—openly, honestly and authentically. When I share a good story, teacher and student might have more questions than answers. And the story of a dinner attended by the offensive line of the San Francisco Forty Niners is a great example.
Offensive guard Aaron Banks was drafted by the 49ers in the second round of the 2021 NFL draft. In spite of the loss to the Kansas City Chiefs, Banks was featured on local sports talk radio KNBR as the Niner player of the week. As both a product of the Bay Area and linesman for Notre Dame, I couldn't help but lean in and listen to his story. And yet, in true offensive linesman style, the interview with Murph and Mac became less and less about his story and much more about others who have had an influence on him. One person who got a special shout out was Jimmy G.
As the interview was winding down, Brian Murphy said "My last question is about Jimmy. He's known as a being friend to the O-Line. Can you share anything about that? How has it been blocking for him and being in the huddle with him?"
Banks spoke without hesitation. As the listener, it was easy to believe him when he said. "Jimmy is a great guy." (smile in his voice)
He added, "One night the O-Line went out to dinner at The Greenbrier. We kept saying "rookies are going to pay, rookies are going to pay. By the time we got to the end of the dinner we found out from the waiter, your quarterback picked up the tab. And we said ah damn, that's huge! It's little things like that—he's always thinking of the next guy, especially the O-Line as we do our best to protect him."
I have heard of athletes doing what Jimmy G did before. I know that he gave the O-line a pair of Bose headphones last Christmas. And yet, this story of paying for someone else's meal got me thinking a little more.
I said to my students, "These men make millions of dollars a year. All of them can afford the meal they ate, so What's the big deal? Why is this even a story?"
Most students recognized the value in showing appreciation. Another picked up on what Banks said about the little things. She said, "for them an expensive meal might be a little thing...but it's something he made happen." Another student cocked his head and added "it's sort of like Jimmy is saying I got you and that's important, given his role on the team."
I concluded this story telling session seeking additional insights on the many different ways we can show appreciation.
I added "some of you are too young to remember a San Francisco before we had one, let alone three World Series trophies. You may have heard the manager of those teams, Bruce Bochy just took a job with the Texas Rangers. Regardless, I hope that man never pays for a meal anytime he is in the Bay Area. Ever. Please remember that."
As much as I enjoyed sharing this story with my students, I realized I was asking the wrong question. The question shouldn't be Why do the players care? Or, why does an athlete share this story? No, the question I am now considering for myself is Why do I care?Why do I savor this story? Why did it make me smile?
I think the answer is simple: the unique and unexpected ways we express appreciation, gratitude and thoughtfulness is a timeless message worth sharing. A story is the vehicle. To have a good one costs nothing and is worth giving away.
Jimmy Garrapolo celebrated his 31st birthday on Tuesday, November 2, 2022. I imagine he went out to dinner to celebrate and someone else picked up the tab. If there's a story there, pass it on....
Week 3 in the NFL offered a shake up in every which way. From the new power rankings to the emergence of this week's number one, the 2022-2023 is full of surprises. Some are exciting—Is Miami really that brilliantly coached? while others—such as the number of season-ending injuries before October 1 are much more than unfortunate. We continue to talk about the talent of Tom Brady and the antics of Aaron Rodgers and yet, Week 3 afforded a new type of question. It's one I think coaches should discuss with their athletes, and parents with their children. How do you respond when you lose? And how should you respond?
Week 3 offered two very different reactions to use as examples and for discussion. On one end of the spectrum, at Mile High Stadium in Denver, the 49ers lost 11-10 to the Broncos. In a world that isn't afraid to point fingers, one is directed at the once-again starting quarterback, Jimmy Garoppolo
In his first start since Trey Lance was ruled out for the season with an ankle injury, Jimmy G stepped out of his own end zone for a safety, he threw an interception and lost a fumble on a poor snap exchange. The 49ers' offense produced just 10 points, punting the football away seven times and committing three turnovers.
Despite all the ugly play, Jimmy G and the 49ers had a pair of chances in the final minutes of the game to take the lead. Both drives ended in turnovers. Still, he was smiling—mega watt smiling— as he approached Broncos lineman Cameron Fleming after the game. He gave him a huge embrace and looked as if he did not have a care in the world. To his credit as a pro-athlete the man did not look winded or as though he had just spent the past three hours in a physical contest. Good on him, right? wrong?
Ask athletes and coaches to respond. Is Jimmy G's carefree, good vibes demeanor immediately after a loss okay? Is it appropriate to "flush it" so quickly? When you team loses, should team leaders—like the quarterback be upset? angry? frustrated or disgusted? Does it matter?
Meanwhile in Miami, Buffalo Bills offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey had a massive meltdown from the coaching box.
Greg Papke writes, "Dorsey lost his cool at the end of the game as the Bills failed to get set and spike the ball in time to attempt a game-winning field goal attempt in a 21-19 loss. The video went viral and attracted some amusement, but not from Josh Allen, who said he did not see the reaction as “bad frustration.”
In fact, when asked about the video, Allen said "You show me someone who's ok with losing and I'll show you a loser."
Dorsey addressed his behavior to the media. He said, "I don't ever want to take the passion out of the game. And we're in this to win football games for the Bills, for our fans. But it's something I'm going to learn from and make sure to correct going forward." Fair enough.
Losing one's cool, overreacting, and showing poor form is not uncommon. It always merits reflection, conversation and reconciliation.
Tom Brady loses his cool by throwing an iPad during Week 2 in a loss to the Saints
While passion for the game and a desire to win fuels the fire, it is always worth tempering and keeping in control. Ask athletes to articulate how they keep themselves in check.
Model the behavior you want to see and call out what you don't. Never assume that your team knows what is expected in terms of behavior. Preach, teach, model and more on a regular basis.
For example, when my golf team returned to competition post COVID, I noticed high school golfers were at a loss of how they ought to conclude the match. At that time, people were still wary of shaking hands. Consequently, a number of golfers just exited the green without acknowledging, thanking and congratulating their opponents. Just because the hand shake was out, doesn't mean the spirit behind the post game ritual ought to go away. I required my athletes to make a point of connecting with their teammates and opponents in a new and safe way.
And for those athletes who are able to shake it off, seconds after the final out, bell, etc I hope I would offer constructive criticism. Former Niners tight-end, Brent Jones offers a fine example.
He said, "I want to see Jimmy grabbing a couple receivers and talking to them, I want to see him patting his linemen on the shoulder and saying ‘I need some time." I agree. A leader of the team need not have a temper tantrum or go dark. Instead, he or she can communicate and contact their teammates to make it better...do it right....while working to change the outcome in the future.
How we comport ourselves is another form of communication. And I don't know a person on the planet who doesn't need to think about and work on communication regularly. We all do better with good communication. Good coaches excel at this. Teams thrive when it is strong. Does it change winning or losing? Truth of the matter is, it probably does. Here's to Week 4.
So long as the legend looms long, let's run with a lesson to be learned from the San Francisco Forty Niners' new quarterback: James Richard Garoppolo, aka "Jimmy G." Since the front office of the Niners orchestrated what Forty Niner Faithful are starting to believe might be the greatest trade in the NFL's recent troubled history, tall tales of Jimmy G, like his stock are on the rise. My favorite of the many is from a former teammate who told him "Ah c'mon man, don't even talk to her. You'll break her heart." When I heard this story, I thought to myself: he's a triple threat.
Take one look at the 6'2" quarterback and you might understand why his teammate said what he did and/or where the cliche "tall, dark and handsome" originated. Jimmy G is talented. Since joining the Forty Niners, this team has two of its threw wins of the season. In his first drive as the Niner QB, he threw 1o yards for a touchdown. He's calm, cool and collected in the pocket and a natural leader. He is kind and friendly; he smiles a lot. He looks like much more than the face of a team, he has a face that both men and women can recognize as handsome. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but with Jimmy G, all beholders can reach consensus easily. I thought about these qualities of Jimmy: talented, handsome and kind. Such attributes are earned and unearned, some given others are cultivated. My Sports and Spirituality mind immediately declared a triple threat. In basketball, a player who can dribble, pass and shoot is known as a triple threat. In football, a triple-threat man is a player who excels at running, passing and kicking. Most sports have their own variation. This idea has caused me to consider what that means in golf (driving, chipping and putting) and what a triple threat my look like everyone's line of work. A triple threat in teaching might include speaking, questioning and assessing. Coaching might not be all that different. Leading, inspiring and executing? Motivating, teaching and facilitating? Discuss...
But the example of the triple threat I see in Jimmy G is much more holistic. His three outstanding qualities reflect a little more than who he is as a professional athlete. I do not want to divorce that component of his identity from who he is; it is not to be undermined. I also want to recognize a quality like "good looking" isn't something he has had to work at; I call that raw material. Whereas he has developed his talent, or a basketball player works hard to become a good shooter or ball handler, some of our gifts are just that: gifts. Recognize and enjoy! Bottom line: the triple threat need not be sport specific. I invite you—the reader—to consider: What three talents or gifts do you have? How might these skills work together for the good? What do they offer your family...your community...your workplace...the world? Name them. Share them. Offer them to your corner of the world. I hope they are met with the same enthusiasm we have around here in San Francisco for our starting quarterback. I'd be more than happy to talk to him... Photo Credits TD Jimmy Press Conference
